Lustful Alchemy

10. CASSANDRA

I would be lying if I said that his warm chest against my back, his breath tickling my skin, and his deep voice didn't leave me indifferent. With what he did in the library, he explicitly crossed all my limits and barriers, delving into my most hidden and intimate thoughts. He did it in a way that only I would notice... because he was sure I would let him.

I'm not naive: even though we meet infrequently, I've noticed how he looks at me whenever he gets the chance. If I undress him with my eyes, he penetrates me with his dark and penetrating gaze, hardened by the scar. I realize he wants to discover every aspect of me, every strength, but especially every weakness, and make them his so he can play by his rules.

The problem is, I don't know what role to play. If I were to judge Sharp on a strictly personal level, I wouldn't hesitate to call him annoying and arrogant, definitely the last person I'd want to spend time with. If, however, I were to judge him on a purely physical level, I can't deny the intense attraction I feel for him, making me waver at every slight provocation.

What worries me most about this situation is that not even a month has passed since we met: I've never been so attracted to someone in such a short time, imagining him next to me in bed every time I close my eyes, pretending that the hand giving me pleasure between my legs is his rather than mine. I feel like a teenager grappling with the first hormonal stirrings, yet I'm an adult woman who has had her experiences inside and outside the sheets.

Since Sharp left me alone in the library, blushing with embarrassment and heated by his proximity, I haven't seen him much. He rarely shows up for meals, and even less frequently have I seen him in our accommodation. It's almost like he knows my schedule and habits and deliberately avoids our paths crossing. Funny, considering that whenever he has the chance, he wastes no time mocking my attraction to him, using it to titillate his ego.

Now, as I head towards the Great Hall to welcome the students for the annual Sorting Ceremony, I'm torn between anxiety about starting to work together in the following days and being in close contact, and the anticipation of being officially introduced as the Alchemy Professor, making it official beyond the unofficial.

As usual, whenever faced with a situation of immense responsibility, that inner voice that I've managed to keep at bay but not entirely silence torments me again. Always ready to tell me that I'll never be enough and that I'll be a disappointment. That voice so similar to my father's, which even after all these years, I haven't been able to forget.

I push it away by shaking my head and bring myself back, unsteady on the Grand Staircase that connects Hogwarts' entrance and reception halls to the classrooms and various Common Rooms. I take a deep breath, trying not to be influenced by the heavy negativity in such an important moment, and continue descending the steps. As I approach the end, Matilda's voice grows louder, giving orders.

I place my foot on the last step and see her engrossed in a lively conversation with some of the house-elves, the smiles on their bald, round faces widening as they notice me.

«It's lovely to see you, Miss Cassandra Doyle», one of them says, bowing deeply.

«I'm sorry I haven't visited as much as I'd like lately. I'm not officially a professor yet, and I've already had to adjust to the role», I reply, giving him a pat on the back to straighten up.

«Better to always be prepared», Matilda interjects briskly. «Come on, back to work», she says to the elves, who scatter towards the Kitchens, bowing in various directions.

Matilda turns her head toward me, giving me a thorough once-over. Her scrutinizing judgment always makes me uneasy, as if I'm taking an exam I haven't studied for.