Suck it

you feeling lucky?

I opened my eyes to another morning, the sun shining on my face. Despite the bright start to the day, I felt far from sunny. I had a fucking pounding headache, a dry mouth, and nausea. Adding to my misery, I was unsure about the state of my relationship with Nikki. My thoughts raced through my hangover-addled brain, desperately trying to figure out the next step. For now, though, it seemed pointless to try to sort anything out, so I resigned myself to starting the day as usual—work wouldn't wait. I cleaned myself up, took some painkillers for the hangover, and got dressed. Whatever happens, happens...We'll see what the day throws my way. Taking a deep inhale and a long breath out, I stepped out of my hotel room.

It was around 4 PM, and most of the work-related tasks were finished. My hangover was almost gone, though a few lingering symptoms remained. The boys were starting to emerge and come to life again. Mick was the first one I saw, followed by Vince and Tommy, but Nikki was still nowhere to be found. I had mixed feelings about his absence. On one hand, I was relieved I didn't have to confront him, but on the other, it left me uneasy.

"Hey hottie!" Vince put his arm around me and gave me a light squeeze. "Hey Vince, how ya feelin'?" I asked, trying to mask my worries after last night's events. "Fucking great, can't wait for the show," he replied, excitement in his voice and a wide smile on his face. "Yeah, me too... Hey, have you seen Nikki?" I asked him. "No, but he'll show up, don't worry," he replied, glancing around. "Have some fun with me. We don't need him," he continued, his tone flirty and a grin plastered on his face. I grinned back, rolling my eyes playfully. "Oh, Vince, and what do you propose we do?" His eyes flicked up and down my body. "Mmmm-maybe we can go to my dressing room, and I'll show you what I have in mind," he said, nodding his head to the side, his blonde hair moving effortlessly along with his movements. "What do you say?". I chuckled at his suggestion "Sounds intriguing, but mmm-maybe," I said, mimicking his body language and speech, flicking my eyes up and down his body "...another time." I looked back into his eyes and put my hand on his chest, gently pushing him a little further from me, giving him a seductive smile. "You're missin' out, babe, but let me know if you change your mind," he laughed, walking away and immediately greeting someone else and engaging in another conversation.

However, my mind immediately shot back to Nikki and how nobody had seen or heard from him. I decided to fuck everything and just go up to his room. What's the worst that could happen? Eventually, I was going to need to confront him. With sound check and showtime getting closer, there was no point in waiting until the last minute. If he's even in his room...so better to go now and stop being a little bitch. 

Here I was, standing in front of his door and being a little bitch. I couldn't bring myself to knock on it, trying to figure out what am I going to say or what he's going to say. Is he mad at me? Doesn't care? Why nobody has seen him? How is he going to act? How am I going to act? Maybe I should just wait some more and he will show up? Maybe he doesn't want to see me...maybe I'll make it only worse..

Shit, just fucking knock

No answer. I knocked again. Still no answer. Just as I was about to give up, the door opened, revealing a very high Nikki. He was wearing only leather pants, his hair a mess, sticking in all directions, and his eyelids lower than I had ever seen. Letting out a mocking chuckle, he said, "What do you want?". I was still taking in his appearance, trying to figure out what drug he was on. "I wanted to know how you are. Nobody has seen you all day," I said, finishing softly, "I was starting to get worried."

"I'm good," he replied with no emotion in his face or voice. "Can I come in?" I asked awkwardly, shifting my gaze to the floor. He didn't reply for a while, and I started to get irritated, looking back at him. He still didn't say anything but opened the door wider and walked deeper into the dark room. The curtains were closed, and only one light by his bed was turned on. Through the dark room and dim, small light, I could see that the room was messy, with broken things scattered all over the floor.