I, Deutschland

5. Trust?

I think I must have slept for a while because the next thing I remember is being covered in a duvet, staring out of the window and gazing up at the kaleidoscope of dazzling stars outside. It was gorgeous and peaceful, yet my heart was racing and my tired brain was screaming at me, replaying the memories of the previous few days.

There was no way I could sleep again...

Normally if I couldn't sleep, I'd wake up Berlin and he'd talk to me about science and space and medieval kings until I was happy enough to go back to bed. He'd hug me and tell me that whatever nightmares I had weren't real and that he'd stay and protect me from the evil sleep demons in my brain. But I didn't have him here anymore... I was alone...

Sighing, I slipped out of bed, tiptoeing across the room and clinging to the wall so that I didn't lose my balance in the pitch-black manor. Wracking my exhausted brain, I attempted to recall the directions Britain had given me the previous evening... Once I was fairly certain that my mental map was correct, I set off, clinging to the bannisters and windowsills as I navigated blindly. After about five and a half minutes, I reached the room that I had been looking for: the library.

It was perfect... Rows and rows of ancient volumes, all bound in leather with their titles carved into them and decorated in glittering gold. A smile now upon my face, I curled up on the floor of the second row to the left. I quickly noticed to book that I desired, a massive volume on ancient Greek myths on the second shelf to the top. My mind overcome with curiosity, I reached up for it, clambering up the shelf and grabbing the book...

And the five books beside it fell to the ground from three metres above my head. They were hefty novels, and sent a roar of thunder through the whole building. I'd definitely woken up Britain...

I was going to get locked in the storage cupboard or in the shed or an ice-cold basement like Vater used to do... I barely knew this woman, maybe she'd be harsher than him, maybe she'd get one of her swords that she hangs on the wall...

My heart was pounding harder than ever, my feet and hands were tingly and I could barely breathe, her footsteps were coming now, getting louder and louder and louder...

"West Germany?" she whispered. Eyes blurry with tears, I turned to her. She was sat beside me... Smiling...

"I'm sorry..." I sobbed, squeezing my eyes shut and preparing for the blows, "I didn't... Didn't mean to... I'll c-clean up..."

"Don't be sorry!" she gasped, gathering together the books I'd dropped while I watched through one open eye, "What was it you wanted to read?"

Stunned, I handed her the book that I'd found, which she smiled at interestedly.

"I like this one," she giggled, "I used to read the legends to myself before meetings to calm me down. Have you read any before?"

Now wiping the tears from my cheeks, I shook my head. She seemed discouraged by my silence, though carried on smiling and speaking to me softly, which did admittedly make me feel more comfortable.

"Is there a story in particular that you'd like to read?" she asked me, flicking over the contents page and showing it to me. I scanned it eagerly, immediately noticing a particular tale which's name was accompanied by the image of a stunning princess, who smiled warmly out of the paper. Slowly, I pointed to it, staring longingly at the page.

"Europa?" Britain grinned, "Would you like me to read to you or do you want to read it yourself, dear?"

By now, I was beginning to enjoy the company of my carer, so I spoke up for the first time since we reached the UN's office the previous day. My voice a little croaky, I whispered, "Could you read to me, please?"