Waiting For August

Part 57 ~ Lockdown

"Do you know where he is?" I asked.

Ray's eyes widened. "Ah. Forgive me, Alpha Shaw. Sometimes I get carried away." He moved to drop down in the chair in front of me, avoiding my gaze as he did. He tried to change the subject.

"I met Alpha Bishop today." His knee was bouncing as he looked around, his eyes alighting on everything in the room except me. "He seems nice."

"He is nice. Unlike the wolf I ran into last night."

Ray froze.

"I want to see him, Ray-need to see him. If you know where he is-"

"Alpha Zeke has forbidden it," Ray blurted, finally meeting my eyes.

"Wha-"

"He's made it clear that he doesn't want you anywhere near him. He's afraid for you-for what might happen if-"

"I don't need protection!" Ray dropped his head, staring at the floor like a statue, frozen in place.

Fuck! I hadn't meant to yell. To use my wolf. He had just slipped in. This wasn't Ray's fault. None of it was. I took a deep breath. Exhaled.

"I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't mean to lose my temper. It's just-" I felt my fist shaking. "It's humiliating, what he did. To have all of you see me that way. To need to be rescued, all weak and pathetic like that." My voice dropped. "I need to face him, Ray. I need to show him that I'm not afraid of him."

Ray finally looked up to meet my gaze. His eyes were wide, his voice quiet. "You don't remember what happened, do you?"

"What?" I swallowed. A chill crept up my spine. It was true. My memory of last night was foggy. Several pieces were still missing, but what I did remember-being knocked to the ground, unable to find my footing. Being off-balance and yanked around like a rag doll, and then the humiliation of him forcing himself on me. The anger and shame I had felt. I'd lost it.

"August, we didn't save you from him. It was the other way around."

I blinked. He was joking with me, right. I'd had my ass handed to me-

"To be honest, I'd only ever heard stories about it before. Until last night, I'd never witnessed it in person, or thought I ever would."

"I-I don't understand."

"You've heard about blood-rage before, right?"

"Yeah. Of course." It was an episode that could sometimes befall vampires. Rare, thankfully; it was a condition where they became enraged-usually by the sight or smell of blood. They would lose control focusing only on whatever had triggered them. Their strength and speed grew ten-fold, making them almost unstoppable. The problem with the rage, however, was that while their primal physical abilities were unleashed, their mental capacities-the part of the brain that could be reasoned with, often shut down, dwarfed by the immense anger that consumed them.

"Well, we wolves have something similar. It happens to wolves when they find themselves overcome, backed against a wall and needing to protect something. It befalls Alphas defending their packs and mother's protecting their young. Have you ever heard of the fury?"

I shook my head.

"From what I've heard, it's like..." he struggled, trying to find the right words, perhaps. "Do you know what it's like to shift, and have your consciousness fall into the background? Where your wolf takes control, and you're there, but just along for the ride."

I nodded. Last moon. It had felt just like that. My wolf had taken over and although I'd been there, it was like I was in the backseat behind a plexiglass window, and he was in the driver's seat making all of the decisions.