Passion and Power

Chapter 47

Hanni sat slumped on the couch in the stadium office, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself as the minutes ticked like hours as they waited for her test result.

"Is it time yet?" She asked Danielle impatiently.

"Yeah, it's time." Danielle said, "You ready?"

"No. I mean...yes, I just." Hanni sat up straight up, her eyes wide as if ready for a fight/flight response to hit her. "Tell me."

Danielle opened her eyes and looked down. "You're not pregnant." Danielle gasped, letting out a deep, relieved sigh. She put her hand to her forehead and squeezed.

Hanni sat up and leaned forward, her knees on her elbows, her head in her hands. A moment later her body was wracked with sobs.

"Hanni." Danielle came and kneeled in front of her. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you...you wanted to be pregnant?"

Hanni didn't respond, but continued crying into her hands. She was a whirlwind of emotions ranging from deep relief to something very different. Disappointment? How could she feel both? She didn't know how to explain how her chest suddenly felt 100% lighter, yet there was a sinking in the pit of her stomach.

Danielle wiped Hanni's cheeks. "It's going to be OK. I promise."

"I know." She had no idea how to explain or even interpret for herself.

"It doesn't mean it can never happen. It's just not happening right now."

"It's not that. I didn't... I didn't want to be pregnant." She said, wiping away more tears. "I think I'm just crying with relief."

"That's all? Remember, I can smell you, Hanni. I think there's more to it than that."

"I don't know. I guess... This whole thing has made me think a lot about the idea. Maybe a part of me just...wanted..."

Danielle reached and took Hanni's hands between hers. "I get it, Hanni. The idea you might be pregnant, it's made you think about what that might be like. To be pregnant, to have little ones, to have..."

"Be with Minji. To have a family with her."

"OK. That's not a bad thing to think about."

"I just feel...a bit ridiculous."

"You're not ridiculous. You're feeling emotional and that's completely understandable. You're under a lot of pressure - and on top of it the pregnancy scare." Danielle gave her hands a squeeze. "It's a lot. Why don't you call Minji?

"I can't...it's late in Seoul." Hanni mumbled. "And also she's fighting off her..." Hanni's voice dropped off.

"What, Hanni?"

"Her...she went into an early rut." Hanni blurted.

"Oh, fuck....So this probably isn't the best time for the news."

"I'm sure it will be good news, regardless of her cycle."

"Did she tell you she hoped you weren't pregnant?"

"No. She just said...that she would be there for me. No matter what what happens. No matter what...I decide."

"Right answer." Danielle hummed.

"Yeah." Hanni laid back down against the back of the couch. "It's really hard not being there for her. When I heard she started her rut..."

"She's a big girl. She'll be fine."

"I know. But the thought of her with Xiaoting..."

"She was with Xiaoting?" Danielle interrupted, sounding incredulous.