Complete Psychology Of Love and Betrayal

Chapter18-Love or Obsession

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★Love and Obsession

While love is a pure and selfless emotion that captures one's heart on the other hand obsession is an unhealthy infatuation while, Love is about giving and sharing, obsession is about taking control of another being.
Sometimes in new and exciting relationships love and obsession can go hand in hand but if overtime the anxiety doesn't fade out,it may not be love.Despite obsession being intensely romanticised in romance novels and movies,it is unhealthy and caused by underlying emotional issues of a person.It can sometimes be a result of BPD, Severe Depression, Abandonment issues and childhood trauma,but it's important to recognise it and get required help so that one can cultivate healthy and loving relationships.

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★Below are some signs that it may not be love but obsession.

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•Need for constant contact

Although sometimes it's normal wanting to be in constant contact with the person you love during the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
Wanting to be in constant touch or expecting your partner to tell you their whereabouts throughout the day may be a sign that you are unhealthy obsessed.

• Threatening Individuality

Do you feel threatened by your partner's individuality or do you find yourself disregarding your own interests because of them.The constant need to do things together and not letting your partner have space to follow their hobbies and interests without you accompanying them is a sign of raging obsession.

• Growth of your Partner

Are you truly happy with your partner succeeding or do you find yourself secretly not wanting them to succeed, cause them succeeding would higher the chances of them leaving you or spending time with you.Does that thought cross your mind that maybe success will change them,but you're in denial of it.

• Lack of Boundries

If your partner tells you that they want space,how would you react to that?
or if they are not comfortable with telling you something?how would you feel about that.would you disregard their boundry with defensive nature and an outburst or would you understand it even though it does not align with your own thoughts and hurts you a little.If you feel extremely threatened and insecure with your partner setting a boundary it is most likely,a sign,of obsession.

• Meeting new people

How do you feel about your partner meeting or hanging out with new people?Are you okay with that or do you secretly disregard it and wish their new relationships would just fall apart.Or would you introduce your partner to a new circle of people, without being insecure that they might get close to someone else and leave you behind.Although sometimes jealousy is normal and can be due to other reasons but constantly feeling this way can be a sign of obsession but also of underlying trust issues.But in case of trust issues,most of the time,you would not bring it up infront of your partner even if it bothers you because you are aware of yourself.

• Racing Responsibilities

If you are constantly being bombarded with questions about the future,or if you feel the pressure to make your relationship official with them despite the short amount of time.It most likely is not love.

• Trouble with Daily Activities

Are you unable to go about your day because of constant thoughts of them? Then it most likely is a sign of obsession.Although It's normal to fantasise and think about your partner,but if you do that to an extent where you can't go on with your daily activities and face trouble keeping calm it is certainly not healthy for you or your partner.

• You seek validation

Do you go out of the way to get the approval of your partner and give too much of yourself,which you shouldn't?.Giving too much of yourself is not always the sign of an obsession, depending on the person but it can be.For this,you need to ask yourself,why am I doing this? is that because I want my partner to like me or is this because I want the best for their happiness and wellbeing?This would most probably clear your thoughts on this one.
Besides that if you constantly alter your values and opinions in front of them,then it would also count as seeking validation.

• Them or the idea of them?

It can be hard to know whether we love someone or just the idea of them.When you love someone you accept them as for whom they are and are not expecting them to constantly change.But when you are obsessed you can't see things for what they are,you keep making excuses to justify the wrong actions of your partner and may even expect them to change and be what you want.You are more in love with what they can be than who they actually are.This is not love.

• Their influence of you

Let's say after a long tiring day you meet your partner,what would your reaction be? would you be at peace and feel safe around them as now you truly be yourself or would you be anxious that you are not in a condition to entertain them or you would have thoughts like "Oh I'm so tired,they'll get bored of talking to me "?
Or do you feel the compulsion to talk or be cheerful or behave a certain way around your partner.This can also be a sign of underlying obsession.

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Note;It is normal to relate to a few obsessive tendencies,in fact it would be rather impossible to not have any obsessive tendencies at all when in love but, it's only unhealthy when the lines between love and obsession start to blurr and it seems to be more of an obsession than love.
Some of the signs may co-incide with people who suffer from certain mental disorders such a BPD,ADHD,OCD, Anxiety disorder,pstd and depressive disorder.
Remember It's impossible to recognise obsession and differentiate it from love to cultivate healthy and meaningful relationships be it platonic or romantic.

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