Cornelia Street - Avengers

A Bland Goodbye

"I'll still see it. Until I die. You're the loss of my life."

New York, 2017

(loml, Taylor Swift)

...

With the Avengers safely back on the aircraft heading out of Sokovia, Natasha interrupted Banner, who was curled up peacefully. She watched him for a second before he would wake up, awkwardly hiding his face from her. 

The sounds of opera occupied every space of his mind, every space that wasn't already filled with the hazy memory of her hand trickling down his palm, the feeling of her eyes on him. Even from Bruce to Hulk, her eyes never changed.

"Hey, the lullaby worked better than ever," Natasha smiled, kneeling by his side, holding his hand in her own. She had just managed to quiet her own pulsing mind, after her own experience of reliving a time, she had tried hard to forget.

"I just wasn't expecting Code Green," Banner said, quickly removing his headphones, and staring up at her with softened eyes.

"If you hadn't been there, there would've been double the casualties. My best friend would've been a treasured memory," Nat said with a soft chuckle, looking over his expression.

He dropped his head. "You know, sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn't exactly what I want to hear."

Natasha watched him more intently, and he felt hot under the weight of her gaze. Like he was coming back to life again. "How long before you trust me again?"

"It's not you that I don't trust," he said, eyes and expression full of pain. "I promise, Nat."

Natasha watched Bruce intently, her expression unreadable as she considered his words. The jet's engines hummed steadily, providing a backdrop to their quiet conversation. "I just don't understand why you didn't trust me enough to let me know," she said, her voice steady but tinged with hurt. "To let me know your struggle. After everything we're friends first, Bruce. Aren't we?"

Bruce sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "It wasn't about trust, Nat," he replied, his gaze meeting hers. "It was about protecting you."

Natasha frowned, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Protecting me? Do you think I'm blatantly unaware of what this job entails? From what I chose to-"

"From the danger that comes with being close to me." He interrupted. "You know what I'm capable of when I lose control. You think I could live with myself if I came back to myself and..." his voice shook, as she moved forward, heart breaking.

"I also know that you're working hard to learn to control it," Natasha countered, her tone strained. "You've proven that time and again."

But there's always a risk. I can't live with myself if there's even a chance of losing it all," he murmured. "I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you."

Natasha reached out, her hand finding his and squeezing it gently. "Bruce, I'm not afraid of you," she said firmly. "I never have been. I never will be."

Bruce met her gaze, his eyes searching hers for any sign of doubt. "I know," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the hum of the engines. "But I'm still afraid."

Natasha's heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice. She knew how much he struggled with his dual nature, how he grappled with the fear of becoming a monster. But she also knew the depth of his love for her, a love that had endured despite the challenges they had both faced time and time again.