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Stripped

Mary-Catherine's pov

By three o'clock that morning I gave up with waiting for Luke to come home. I figured he just decided to crash with the boys, which was totally fine with me. It was just odd that he hadn't answered his phone all night. It wasn't like him. I knew I could trust him though so I wasn't too worried. It was such a restless night, I could hardly sleep for longer than a hour. My mind kept buzzing about what he was doing or where he was at, no matter how many times I told myself he was fine. That he was just hanging with the guys.

At 5:45 a.m. I gave up on sleep and headed to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. I kept the warm mug in my hands and plopped on the couch and turned on the tv. The noise comforted me. It kept me away from my thoughts. I was wearing one of Luke's sweaters, it was soft and way too big for my body. I could smell his cologne every time I brought the mug of hot chocolate to my lips. Even when he wasn't here, just smelling him on his clothes, on the pillows in our bed, made me feel safe. But when he was away I always had an empty feeling in my chest because I knew I needed him here. Our home didn't feel like a home without him there.

The hours kept ticking away and I still hadn't heard anything from Luke. I hadn't heard anything from any of the boys. They're probably still asleep I thought. Who knows how long they even stayed up. I got up from the couch to go take my pills I needed to get through the day. The kitchen tile cold on my bare feet. I grabbed the pill bottle from my hiding place, so Luke would never read the label for what it's for. I rattled the bottle. Three left. "Shit." I whispered out.Once I finished the bottle the doctor said I would have to go full time into the hospital. I couldn't do it though, I needed to stay here. I couldn't die. I shook the bottle until one of the fat white pills plopped onto the counter with a tiny tap. I didn't realize how much my hands were shaking until I brought the mug of hot chocolate to my lips to swallow the pill. Everything was just going too fast.

The pill calmed my aching stomach slightly and I trudged to my room. I certainly won't feel better by lounging around and feeling sorry for myself. I shimmed on some jean shorts and slipped on an old t-shirt of mine. After washing my face and brushing my teeth I already started feel better. I started to feel more like myself. It was already 11:45 by the time I had finished getting ready and I heard the front door to the flat squeak open. A smile immediately broke out on my face and I ran down the hallway to go see Luke. When I got there he looked scared.I slowed my pace and stopped right outside the edge of the hallway.

He looked tired, like he got no sleep. His normally bright blue eyes were darker, his blonde hair flopped around his face.

"Luke?" I asked in caution. Right when I said it he dropped his jacket to the floor and ran over to where I was standing. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and held me to him tighter than he usually did. He buried his face into my neck and I could feel the scruff of his beard tickle my throat. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his hair. Something wet hit my neck and before I knew it I could hear the sobs coming out of him. "Luke? What is wrong? Look at me." I pulled him away from me to look at his tear stained face. His eyes were bloodshot. I hardly recognized him, I had never seen him like this before.

"Mary-Catherine.... I love you so much.. I.." He started sputtering. I was so confused. What was wrong with him. He looked at me in such a way that scared me. Why did he look so terrified? "Luke what happened. Why are you like this?" I asked again, more firmly. "Cat I started drinking last night." I laughed, was this why he was so scared? "Babe, it's not the first time you've had alcohol. Why are you freaking out about it?" He shook his head making the golden locks swish from side to side. "No. I abused it last night." He was shaking so bad. "Ashton and Michael told me I needed to loosen up a little bit and gave me a drink. So I did. I drank it, but I kept getting more." His voice cracked and tears started to roll down his cheeks.

"Cat, I just kept drinking and drinking. Then Calum brought this girl to where we were sitting and she brought her friends to hang out with us. We were laughing and having a really great time..."

I backed away from where he stood until I was closer to the couch. My breathing had increased and I didn't want to hear the rest of his story. IT felt like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from.

"Then we all thought it was a good idea to go out on the dance floor. A-And one of the girls friends came over to me and danced with me, but then we got closer and closer and she kissed me. And then she said it's getting too crowded so lets go back to my place and I agreed.Mary-Catherine please look at me. I didn't know what I was doing. I was so drunk, please."

At this point I had turned away from him and gripped the couch with all of my strength. I knew if I let go I would fall to the ground. He got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around my legs and put his head on my stomach and cried. I could feel his hot tears seep through my shirt and touch my skin. I could feel his trembling body with each heave of sobs. I didn't look at him. I knew if I did I would start to cry so I focused on the light in the window.

"I think you should leave, Luke." I whispered out. I felt his head leave my stomach and could feel his eyes look up at me. I couldn't bear to look at that face. I closed my eyes and turned away, slipping out of his grasp. I faced the kitchen, my back to the front door.

"Mary-Catherine, I love you... Please-" he started to say. "No Luke. Please, leave." I cut him off. He got quiet, so quiet that I could hear his tears hit the wooden floor. I heard him stumble back up and walk towards the door. The scrape of the zipper went across the floor as he picked it up and the door started to squeak open. He paused. I still hadn't turn around to look at him. I could feel the tears start to fall from my eyes as the door opened more. I felt the sun's warmth hit my back before it closed with the last of Luke's sniffs and tears. Once the door closed I collapsed to the ground. My body crashing to the floor with a thud.

I let out a noise that sounded almost primal. I covered my eyes and sobbed. The ground where my head lay now a puddle of my tears. Each yell or sob shook my body to it's core. Everything was shattering around me. The one boy that made me feel so safe just stripped me raw. Everything I knew was lost.

When your house doesn't feel like a home, where do you go?