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Lost

Luke's pov

I screwed up. Each step I took, took me farther and farther from the one I loved.

My home.

Images of the night before flashed over and over through my mind. The crowded club. The heat, the changing lights, the thump of the intense beat of music, the girl. Her fiery red hair, the piercing snake-like, green eyes. That's what she was. A snake. Because of her I had lost everything. Actually, it was because of me. I could've said no, I could've gone home, I could've done so much more than what I did. It was my fault that she was gone.

My phone hadn't stopped buzzing since the night before. A mixture of the boys wondering where I went and then from the girl that ruined me. I stopped where I was. I read the most recent text from the girl. "Babe, where did you go? Come home." Come home. That wasn't my home. That's what got me into this, forgetting where my home was. She wasn't my home. My home was 100 miles away from me now in the opposite direction I was heading. My home was gone because of the false belief that this stranger could give me something more. Something I didn't need, something I didn't want. A mixture of rage and overwhelming sadness came over me and I threw my phone I usually used for personal calls and texts to the ground. I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not that snake of a woman. The pieces scattered across the pavement. Shards of glass flying in all different directions. I didn't realize I had started crying until I saw a tear drop hit the broken phone on the ground. I quickly wiped it away and kept walking. I didn't know where I was going, but it was better than standing still and thinking of what I've done.

I started to remember the look she gave me when I started telling her what had happened. The look of fear in her eyes when I walked in. The way her mouth quivered when she told me to leave. I had never seen her look that way ever, and it was because of me this time. She had looked so tired, like she hadn't gotten any sleep. She was probably staying up to wait for me to come home. It was always like her to think of others before herself. But as I remembered this there was one thing that I hadn't noticed before.

The fact that she looked so sickly. I could tell she had lost weight, her face was so gaunt. She was pale and there was hardly any color within her cheeks. My sweater usually was a little big on her, but now it seemed to slide off her shoulders.

What could this have meant? Did she lie to me about what the doctors had told her?

The air had gotten colder as night approached. I pulled the jacket closer to me and shoved my hands in my pockets. I couldn't think straight anymore. I didn't know what was right and what was wrong. Was Cat lying to me to hide me from the truth? It felt as if this was all a giant game, once I had taken a step forward she took five steps back. Or maybe it was the other way around.

I knew I couldn't go back now. The damage was done. She would be better without me.

So now I stared at the sidewalk ahead of me. Nothing really was familiar to me as I walked. It was quiet, the birds all going back to their nests to be with their families. The streets were empty of cars, everyone already back to their homes. Everyone had a place that they were needed, a place where they were wanted. But what happened to the ones who were thrown out, the ones that screwed up their lives and no longer had a place they called home? Well these people either stayed out here on the streets and roamed, never having one secure place to go back to. Or they found comfort in the arms of a stranger. They go back to the same thing that drove them away from their sanctuary. Claiming that this stranger lying next to me is the answer, they are what I need, they are the ones who will keep me safe.

But they aren't. The strangers leave you alone, cold, and without a goodbye. The strangers are the ones who come claiming to be everything that you need then they take what they want and leave to find the next stranger. The strangers are the ones that rip apart homes.

Roaming the empty streets I thought about what I would do if I had left the club and came back to my home. I thought about how I would hold Mary Catherine so close to me. I would make sure she never felt as if I would leave, that I would always be there to protect her from everything. I would do anything to have her back, but I knew that could never happen again.

I found a bench in an empty park and took a seat. The metal was cold, but I didn't care. I just kept repeating how she would be better off without me. She didn't want me and I couldn't go back. Seeing the old park made me think of how little kids played hide and seek for fun. My world had turned into a giant hide and seek game except I was so lost I couldn't be found.

I was lost.