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Alive

Mary-Catherine's pov

6 Months later...

"Mary Catherine, I'm very sorry..." the doctor started. Those five words had the ability to keep someone alive or kill them. Those were the words a person with brain cancer never wants to hear. How was it that the phrase "I'm very sorry" could so easily destroy someone. I remembered the pain I had with that phrase seven months ago when I got diagnosed and then again six months ago when Luke told me about his adventure at the club.

"I'm very sorry" had no meaning to me anymore. They were just empty words hitting my numb body. The cancer had already taken my freedom and happiness. The chemo took away my hair and liveliness in my face. And now, the man sitting in front of me with a white coat, clipboard, glasses that hung off his nose to read, and a nametag with a poorly taken picture with the name Dr. Milson, was about to take away my life.

Luke squeezed my hand as he sat in the stiff blue chair next to me. He was more scared then I was. I thought it was so strange for how much we had been fighting in the last couple of months. Like it was my fault I developed the cancer. It was my fault he cheated. Everything was my fault, so why the hell was he squeezing my hand as the doctor's low gravely voice droned on about how my life was as good as gone. I figured he would be relieved that I, the burden in his life since developing this disease, would be gone. Maybe he would go back to the zoo and finally take back his slithery, green-eyed snake.

"The chemo doesn't seem to be working. We are still trying everything we can Mary-Catherine, but I'm sorry to say you only have 7 weeks left at the rate the cancer is spreading." he finished. Luke yelled out nonsense and let go of my hand. His face was buried now in his hands and I watched the tears leak from his fingers. His back heaved up and down from sobs. He was shaking all over and I sat there perfectly still. I looked at the doctor again, his face had an expression of shock, but he quickly hid it. "Thank you doctor. I'll see you soon." I said as calmly as I could. I looked over at the pile of tears that was Luke and put my hand on his back. He looked up at me, eyes red and puffy, lip quivering. He was such a good actor. "Let's go Luke. I'm hungry, maybe we can stop and get some sandwiches." He looked genuinely surprised at my calmness, but I stood up anyways and headed out the door.

The car ride back home was silent and awkward. Luke's nose was still running from his crying in the doctor's office. I had my window rolled down and danced my fingers in the wind. The radio played "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes, a very ironic song considering my situation. Life was just one big ironic situation. I stole a glance over to Luke, his blonde hair flying everywhere in the wind, his blue eyes were soft as they stared out at the road, he reminded me of the Luke I had fell in love with. This wasn't to say that I didn't still loved him, I will always have a place for him in my heart. But now it was different. I still loved him, but not in the same way I used to.

He could sense me looking at him so he glanced over at me. I shared a small smile with him, and he returned the favor. He looked sadder than I did though. Was he actually upset about the doctor's diagnoses? I mean it was inevitable about my death, we knew it would happen. I mean we talked about it before. I accepted it, Luke didn't seem to do the same.

When we arrived back at the house Luke silently and quickly got out of the car and into the house. He didn't even look over at me. I slowly unbuckled and hopped out of the car. I walked the steps to the front door. The flowers all along the walkway were in bloom. I never realized how beautiful they were. All this time I was focused on Luke and this sickness that I never noticed the pure beauty that was around me. Before I even opened the door I could hear Luke inside. Deranged yells and loud bangs. I quickly opened the door to find chairs knocked over and the table lamp that usually sat in the living room now shattered in the dining area.

My eyes quickly scanned the room looking for the culprit of the mess. I took a few steps inside, expecting him to jump out at me, but nothing came. I set my purse on the hook by the door and slid my shoes off. I heard a soft sob coming from the back rooms. I walked down the hallway to find a tall lanky boy curled in a ball at the foot of our bed. His long legs awkwardly curled to his chest, which was heaving up and down from cries. I walked over to him and sat down next to where he lay. I looked over at his usually big frame which now appeared unusually small. I sighed and pulled on his arm until he sat up. He started to say my name, but I quickly hushed him. I wrapped my arms around him and just sat there holding him.

"Luke, we've talked about this before. We both knew I-" I started. "Catherine, please don't say it." he croaked back.

"We both knew I was going to die." he shuddered underneath me. "It was just a matter of time Luke. It was inevitable. But we can't be sad over it. We just have to make the best out of it." I continued to say quietly into his hair.

I leaned back and pushed his face up to look at me. His blue eyes just two empty spheres in his head. His cheeks and eyes were puffy from crying. I smiled at him as best as I could and gave him a hug. I whispered "It'll be okay." into his neck and he held me tighter. I let him go and stood up. Wiping my eyes, I looked down and smiled at him again. "I'm going to go for a walk, I'll be back soon. Okay?" I said. "Oh, I'll come with you!" Luke exclaimed and quickly stood up.

"Not this time Luke. I'm sorry. I just need some time on my own, okay?" I said back to him. "Okay." he said back in defeat.

I started walking down the hallway heading to the door. I grabbed my shoes and slipped them back on. I started opening the front door, but before I could leave I heard Luke running down the hallway calling my name. I turned to see him in the entrance of the hallway out of breath.

"I love you, Mary-Catherine." he said to me. I was shocked to say the least. I simply smiled at him and said , "I'll be back soon" and I was out the door.