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Far Away

Luke's pov

She was so beautiful when she was asleep. Her face slack, her breathing constant, just everything about her was perfect. I loved running my fingers through the tangled brown mess of her hair, watching the small smile appear on her face before her eyes would squint open at me. I never realized how beautiful brown eyes were until I met her. When the light would hit them they seemed to erupt with different shades of brown and gold. Her eyes searching into mine felt like danger and safety all rolled into one. It was crazy how she made me feel. I just knew that every time I looked at her, it was like falling in love all over again. I would always hold her close to me, I never wanted to lose her.

My alarm went off taking me away from my home. Another day alone.

"Luke, you kind of slept through breakfast, but I can still make you something if you want?" Michael asked me as he peeked through the door of the guest room of his flat. Nothing sounded appetizing, but I knew he would lecture me on how I needed to still take care of myself. "Maybe a couple pancakes?" I said back, my voice still groggy from just waking up. I saw him kind of smile, obviously happy that I was at least trying to be myself.

I slipped my legs from the warmth of the sheets and put my feet on the cold wooden floor. I was facing the huge window that seemed to engulf the whole room in the sun's light. I walked to the window and looked at how peaceful it was outside. The way the birds flew around and through the trees together, the bees traveling to the flowers and heading back to their hive, how everything was at peace with itself. I thought of my mornings with Mary-Catherine, something I knew I couldn't get back now. Even if she wanted me back I don't know what I would even say to her. There she was, as perfect as can be, always doing everything in her power to make me happy. She was the only person who gave a shit about me and I turn around and pay her back with this.

Losing her was probably the worst thing that would ever happen to me. It was like falling, but this time knowing you were going to hit the ground.

It had been two days already and I was still scared to try and talk to her. I guess a part of me didn't want to talk to her. Maybe if I just kept running away all of this would go away. All this pain, all of this sadness and emptiness.

I don't think anyone knows true pain until they realize they just threw away everything they ever loved for a night of "pleasure". The pain of realizing that the one who was always there for you no matter what, was now gone. This pain felt like you were dying. I think it would be better if I would have just died. Maybe then I wouldn't have caused her so much pain. I didn't realize I was on the ground until I heard Michael call my name from the bedroom door. I continued to sit there, crisscrossed, in front of the window and look out at all the trees and birds and bees and everything else. I felt a tear hit my pajama pants just as another started to flow down my face. He said my name louder and I finally mustered the energy to turn to him. His face kind of went slack and a look of sympathy came over him. The soft sound of the tear leaving my cheek and hitting the floor was the only noise that came from either of us.

"I can't do it Michael. I need her. Michael I love her more than I love myself. Losing her is like losing myself." I cried out to him. The tears falling faster and harder with each word that came out of my mouth. Michael looked sad, but obviously scared to say anything. "Michael, I never wanted to have anything in my life that I couldn't stand losing. Now I know it's too late for that."

I turned back to the window and watched a pair of blue birds flutter around in circles together. I watched them twirl through the skies together and eventually land on a branch side by side. The tears were still flowing from my eyes, but I made no effort to wipe them away. The only thing that broke my silence was the loud ringing of my phone. I didn't feel like answering it so I continued to sit in front of the window. All of a sudden Michael rushed in holding the ringing phone. "It's Mary-Catherine." he breathed out. I know my face probably mimicked his look of astonishment as I rushed from the ground over to the door. I reached for the phone that was in his hands and brought it to my ear. I could hear her inhale sharply through the phone.

"H-hello? Mary-Catherine?" I said into the phone. She breathed my name into the speaker. I felt chills go down my spine. I never realized how I loved the way she said my name. But now she sounded scared. Or nervous. I couldn't tell. My excitement from the phone call quickly went away as the conversation kept going. Everything around me was crashing down. I hobbled over to the bed to sit before I fell to the ground.

She was dying.

Before I knew it I was flying out of the door and into Michael's car. I tried to stay calm on the phone for her, but I wasn't succeeding. I started the car, the radio blaring "All I Want" by Kodaline, and I was zooming out of the driveway.

"Please baby, don't move. I'm coming, I'll be there soon. Don't leave me. Just stay on the phone with me." I said into the phone. I raced down the seemingly empty road. Just ten more minutes and I was sure to be there. My heart raced in my chest and my breathing was fast and ragged. She was crying, I could hear it. Each one of her sobs killed me a little more inside. How could I not know something was wrong? I knew she hadn't been feeling well, I knew she wasn't getting better and I didn't do anything. I needed to be there with her. I needed to hold her in my arms and take away all the hurt and death.

The radio continued to drone on, "...When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side..."

I was almost there. I felt almost giddy with excitement. I could already imagine running through the door and embracing her again.

"Luke, I love you so so much." she whispered into the phone in between her sobs. I let out such a huge sigh of relief. She still loved me!! After all that I did to her, she still loved me. I wanted to laugh, I was so happy.

The song was starting to end in the background, but all I could focus on was the fact that I could go home. She was my home and I was running to her. I was finally going to be back with her. All I could muster out was "Cat, I love yo-" before the truck came. The last thing I heard was the radio softly singing, "But if you loved me, why'd you leave me? Take my body, take my body. All I want is, and all I need is to find somebody." My phone flew out of my hand as Michael's car lurched to the right from the impact. The last thing I saw was a street sign, Magnolia drive.

Her street.