Safe and Sound | TWD

Chapter 15

Do you ever have a thought in the back of your mind that you could probably kill someone if you had no choice? Like maybe they were threatening your life, or someone you love?

The scenarios that play in your mind, the ones that you could be declared insane if you ever talked about them aloud?

You always think "Yeah. I could probably kill someone if it ever came down to it." But deep down you know you probably couldn't.

Watching the life leave someone's eyes and you being the reason why. The reason they no longer breathe, sleep, feel happiness or anger. Or love.

I used to think I could defend myself or someone I love that way. But when the moment comes down to choosing whether someone lives or dies, you realize that you can't.

Deciding on Randall's life, held in the hands of my father, was one of those moments.

You can say all the things you want to, but doing them is completely different.

Today, a man; a boy, is going to lose his life. And my father is going to be the one to take it.

Nausea has been eating at me the night before, all day today, and right up to the moment I see Shane, Daryl and dad grab him from the shed. Hands behind his back, blindfold over his eyes. I can hear his whimpers, his pleas for his life from here. Even the loud crickets couldn't drown out his cries.

I may not have voted on his death, but I also didn't vote on his behalf and I'm not sure which is worse.

"Bella!"

The sound of my name rips me from the spiral of thoughts, and I whirl to see mom beckoning me towards the house.

"Get inside baby, you don't need to see what's happening in there." She breathes. Her brows are furrowed, lips set into a hard line. It's eating at her just as much as it is me. She reaches for my shoulders, and I let her guide me back to the house.

I don't pay attention to my surroundings as I make a b-line for the stairs, taking them two at a time. I'm not sure where I'm going but I can't seem to stop my feet from moving.

I haven't seen Silas today, surprisingly. Although I can't blame him. I haven't said much to him since we talked on the steps about Beth, when I sat with him while he talked to her after she-
I think he hasn't left her side since.

I end up pacing the narrow hall, my steps causing the old wood to creak, burning a hole in the bottoms of my shoes, my bottom lip being torn to shreds by my teeth. The coppery tang of blood fills my mouth.

What comes after?

Do we just forget about the boy? Are we gonna bury him? Say a prayer?

"Bella."

I whirl around to the sound of my name falling from my moms lips once again. She stands with her arms crossed, as if she's hesitating to speak again.

"Can I talk to you?"

Casting my eyes to my feet, toeing a crack in the floor, I nod with a shrug of my shoulder.

She sighs deeply, taking a step closer to me, "You haven't said a word to me about-"

"You're pregnant."

She's silent for a moment. Contemplating her answer, or just not knowing how to respond.

"We didn't plan this." She says softly, so soft I almost couldn't hear.

"Whose we? You and dad, or you and Shane?" It came out harsher than I intended, but so be it.