I can't say it but I love you

#1 Dear Soulmate

JIMIN

The other six members and I waved into the audience from our cushion chairs. This fan meeting was a bit better than how it usually goes. I fixed the flower crown that sat on my head and made sure to pose for an Army sitting in the front row.
"Jimin, Jimin," Namjoon taps my shoulder.
"They're calling your name over there." He points to some crowd in the back that I can barely make out with my depleting eyesight.
"Yes I'm Jimin!" I yell. I try to be oblivious to the many cameras that now are faced towards me.
I hear two women yell back, "please show off your Smark!"
I look at the person confused and hold up the mic closer. "My what? Smark? What's that?"
"Your Soulmark! Soulmark!" She says. I nod my head when I finally understand what she means.
I start to stand which makes the small crowd cheer. I turn my back towards the crowd, something I'm usually not allowed to do, and push the bottom of my hair up to reveal my neck. I try to push it up more to show the little black heart but it's hard to tell if the people who asked could even see it. J-hope sitting next to me playfully tugs my arm to try and get me to stop.
"Ah Jimin, you're not supposed to do that!" He whisper-yells to me but it's picked up by the mic and a small laughter emits throughout the room. He gives an exaggerated surprised face and giggles in embarrassment. He stops his antics but glares at me jokingly.
When I think the interaction is over, I flip my head around back to face the crowd. They're yelling something else now.
I grin tap the head of the person sitting next to me. "Cmon Yoongi, they want to see yours too."
He groans with a smile. I know we're not technically allowed to show them but I persist anyways.
"Cmon!" I shove his shoulder and he pretends to collapse onto the table covering his face. The cheers continue and I start feeling like a spotlight is forced onto me.
"Sorry army, maybe next time." I start to sit back down. "He's just shy that he's the soulmate of the most amazing person in the world." I get a couple cheers from that.
Yoongi's head pops back up and takes the mic from my hand.
He sighs. "Army, if you had a SoulMark with him, you'll know why I'm embarrassed to show off the fact we're soulmates. He's a lot nicer in front of you guys." There is a moment of silence and he side eyes me. I just reply with a smile while the crowd laughs.

***

"Okay, time to go home." Jungkook says once we're in the van and far enough from the fans. I slump into the seat as Yoongi and Jungkook go into their own world. I watch with a smile as Yoongi immediately pulls out his galaxy buds to listen to music.
I sometimes wonder if he's even able to relax to music if he's a producer and constantly thinking of new beats. Whatever was going through his inside his head, he looked real cute on the outside.
Thinking this, it reminded me of something said during the fanmeet.
Quickly pressing Naver, I go to the search bar and type:
What is a Smark?
Tons of answers pop up immediately. I just click the very first page which happens to be an unofficial dictionary for slang words. It read:
Smark- a shortened version of the words Soulmate Mark, a heart mark that is on the back of a persons neck. Is either black or red and they correspond to each other. (I.e. black heart means your soulmate has a red heart) Soulmates can be but not limited to close friends, best friends, lovers, siblings, family etc. Other shortened versions of this word are S-mark, SoulMark and MateMark. 
Huh, I guess this is a new slang word I should remember, it is my duty as a Kpop idol to stay relevant.
I look up to the boy who's sitting arms crossed, eyes closed and nose scrunched like an old man. I would've never expected him to be my soulmate especially since we're both guys. We both kind of expected our soulmates to be well, be women.
I always smirk when I replay in my head the first time I learned Yoongi was my soulmate.
However I'm reminded of reality when I hear a loud ping from my phone. I get a text from the old man. I look over to him with confused eyes since he's literally right there. He nods his head towards my phone, signaling me to read it.
'Why did you talk abt our soulmarks in front of everyone today? You know we're not supposed to'
I look up and wait for him to meet my eyes. I roll them and start replying back.
This is one of the things I hate about the Kpop industry. I can't show my SoulMark for some reason? It's to not cause controversy and dating rumors but everyone already knows Suga and I are soulmates from our predebut photos.
I aggressively type back:
'I know but I don't think the fans care since were soulmates with each other. I think it'd be worse if our soulmates were like other female idols.'
'Jimin we've been over this'
He didn't have to send another word for me to understand the situation. I sigh.
'Fine, I won't do it again'
I close out of my phone and gulp down my emotions.
My heart weighs heavy and I try not to let it bother me. Heartbreak is an emotion I feel often with Yoongi. I've read articles about Soulmates who started off thinking they were just best friends but then ended up lovers. I read these articles and I glow with confidence that Yoongi will come around. However I talk to him sometimes and it feels like a wall.
I can't keep talking to him like nothing is building between us. I know I have to spill my feelings for him soon. I have to, or I might go insane.
I feel another vibration from my phone. I click it open and check my messages. It's him again.
'Thank you'
I sit staring at those two words for a while before clicking it away. My own reflection looks back at me somberly.
He will know soon how much I love him soon, and I will wait for him to love me back.
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