I can't say it but I love you

#5 Benefits

YOONGI

We finally land in America and we fight through crowds of fans to get to our hotel. I'm relieved when we get there and I take a deep breath of US air. I immediately start to unpack my computer and notebook for my studio work. They're my travel companions and basically go wherever I go.
I continue to unpack my bathroom essentials when I hear continuous knocking on the door.
I yell that I'm coming but whoever it was continued to rap like their life depended on getting in.
"What do you want?" I don't even have to look Jimin in the face to know who it is.
"How'd you know it was me?" He asked as he walked right in like he owned the place.
"Lucky guess," I answer sarcastically as I continue to unpack. "Why're you here?"
"I can't talk to my favorite person in the world?" He says it in a cute high pitched voice and I can't help but pretend to slap his face.
I miss his left cheek on purpose but he dramatically pretends to get hurt and flings himself away.
"Your favorite person in the world is currently running on two hours of sleep."
"I thought you slept on the plane?" He asked, concerned.
"I did. I fell asleep after-" I stopped myself. 'After you held my hand' sounds a bit weird. "After you fell asleep. But only for a bit before I woke again."
He stood up and walked to the desk where I had laid out my electronics.
"Anyways I'm here because we're leaving in ten minutes. We're going to meet Halsey at the dance studio."
I walk back to the bedroom where Jimin lay sprawled on the bed, face down.
"Oh that reminds me," I say sitting beside his body. "After meeting Halsey, do you remember if Manager said if we have an hour break when we get to the interview or did he say we have an hour to get there?"
He thought for a bit before sitting up next to me.
"I think Manager sent a text about it. It was recent though so I don't think you saw it yet. I would show you but I don't have my phone on me, it's in my room."
I pull my phone out from my pocket and it was turned all the way off.
He was right, I hadn't used my phone since landing. Especially with having so many fans around, it's easy for me to get calls and text from people I don't know. It finally became a habit of mine to just shut it off and erase all my tabs whenever it wasn't in use.
I turned it back on and the Samsung logo stared at me before I was able to unlock it.
I open my messages to read what I had missed earlier.
I'm happy to know that we get a break when we get there. I swipe up to close the tab however Jimin stops me before I start clearing all the others.
"Wait, let me see that," he taps onto my photos app which showcases my most recent photo.
"Are those our hands? On the plane?" Jimin blurts.
I've totally forgotten I took that photo and my memory and embarrassment floods me. He snatches the phone from my hand to get a closer look. I couldn't even react in time to stop him.
"I uh yeah. I just thought it was funny I guess. You know, 'cause uh your hands are so small compared to mine and stuff." He obviously doesn't fucking buy it but it's not like I really have any other reason for taking that photo. I honestly have no idea why I decided to take it, maybe it was just my lack of sleep and judgement that drove me to do it.
Jimin smiled sweetly, face inches from the screen,"You suck."
"What're you doing?" I ask when I see him typing something.
"I'm just sending it to myself, here." He hands my phone back and hops off the bed.
He walks back to the door giddily while I make sure that he hadn't tinkered with my phone too much.
The brightness on my phone had been turned all the way up to see the whole detail of the picture. It's a bit grainy and blurry but lucky for him, the quality of this camera doesn't disappoint.
I sigh, a bit embarrassed now that someone else has proof of this picture taken.
"See you in a bit!" Jimin calls from the front before leaving.
I zoom into the picture, looking at every vein and wrinkle in our linked hands. I'm brought back to the plane ride. The way he took my hand and how I engulfed his just was, for some reason, etched into my memory. I don't know why I'm so hung up on it, I've held his and the other members hands multiple times before. I hadn't pushed any boundaries or anything. Maybe it's because I know deep down that Jimin had a different motive. Maybe it's because deep down, he knows something I don't.
Somewhere down in my heart, there is a box that is taped and covered in chains. I'm not ready to open it yet. I don't think I ever will be.
I turn off my phone but not all the way this time in case an update from Manager is sent again.
I shake my head to forget it, it's sometimes best to be naive. However a fraction of a memory is able to slip through the cracks. But I don't let it ease into my mind and it's shoved into the corner with everything else.
I tell myself I'm just remembering wrong when my mind tells me that his hand wasn't cold at all.
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