I can't say it but I love you

#7 Wishful Thinking

JIMIN

Although we were guaranteed an hour of rest in the green room, we only got 30 minutes. Which I guess I can't really complain about. Any time given to let us sit down and lay our heads back is like a blessing.
About 15 minutes into our break and I realize I can't sleep. The other members have been able to doze off instantly. I usually am like that too but today for some odd reason, my adrenaline won't stop. I try to ignore my crowded thoughts but it's all too hard to get rid of.
I decide it's just best for me to get ready first, at least I'll be doing something productive instead of squirming around on the couch trying to sleep. To get to the door, I pass by the unconscious bodies of my fellow members, the one being nearest to the exit being Yoongi's.
His head is tilted back and he's sitting with his hands neatly placed in his lap. His mouth is slightly agape, a funny habit all seven of us have. It's probably not the best to sleep like this but it makes for great photos.
I snap a quick one and post it to Twitter:

Suga getting his beauty sleep
#Suga #Jimin

Instantly I'm met with likes, retweets and replies from fans who enjoy the update. However, I decide to entertain myself with them while I get ready. Putting my phone away into my back pocket, I head out the door to the hair and make up studio.

***

It takes a surprisingly short time to finish my hair and an even shorter time to finish my make up. I wasn't expecting to wear a full face like I'm performing at Wembley but it was a lot more minimal than normal.
Still, I had enough time to see how successful my post was. I can't lie, I love seeing how my post could get millions of likes in just a few short minutes. I read through a few replies which are nonetheless the same Purple Hearts and 'I love you!' but I get a couple funny ones along the way.
My favorite replies are the ones by people who edit the original picture. I scroll for about 5 minutes and I already see people editing a fly landing on Yoongi's tongue. The most creative one so far was the one with Jin climbing up his chin, trying to enter his cavernous mouth.
I hear the door open behind me and footsteps walk in.
I whip my head around, almost bumping my face into the make up brush the staff was holding. Yoongi walks around the back of my chair, forcing me to flip my head around the other way. I go to tap his shoulder but he sits a seat away from me, leaving a chair empty between us. I still call out to him.
"Yoongi, did you see my post?" He's rubbing his eye and blinking.
"Oh sorry, no I didn't," he responds with a deep scratchy voice. I feel a fluttering in my heart, I always had a thing for morning voices. "I'll check later."
I pulled my phone up and leaned closer to him but he wouldn't look my way and continued to fix his hair in the mirror.
"Here," I said, showing the screen, "it's right here."
He still doesn't turn.
"Sorry, I don't have my contacts in right now. I'll look at it later."
I click my tongue and frown but I leave him alone. He's usually cranky when he wakes up anyways. I get up from my seat since I'm already done getting ready. I got back to the green room to sit and play something on my phone. I walk past the other members who are also getting up and leaving to get their make up done. They almost push past me, as if they have to hurry to get ready. In just a minute or two, I'm left by myself in the room.
I have about 20 minutes but for some reason nothing feels interesting on my phone. I slump onto the couch and flick through my tabs to see if I have anything I could do.
My most recent tab was Twitter but my second was Messages.
I open it, knowing what I'm expecting. I look through the previous texts with Yoongi in the van. Maybe you don't just have to stare, his response to me teasing him about how I'd want to kiss him.
That little text bubble brings upon a feeling in my stomach. Scrolling up and down, I fully immerse myself into our texts, reliving every second of us exchanging messages in the silence.
Knowing Yoongi, I know I should doubt his emotional state when writing these texts but I couldn't think logically now or back them.
He wants to kiss me. I swipe my thumb across my bottom lip as a way to really visualize it. My stomach turns to a knot.
Suddenly, a knock at the door expel me from my thoughts and I quickly throw my hand off my mouth.
"Jimin? Why're you by yourself in here?" Hoseok peeks in to ask.
"I'm already done getting ready. I'm just resting before the shoot."
He nods his head as a way to say okay.
"Well, we're going on in five so let's all get together."
I tell him okay and he leaves. I'm left again by myself and my phone screen still displays the messages.
I close them and swallow in embarrassment. Luckily I wasn't doing anything too physical. What my mind was conjuring was something I didn't need Hoseok or anyone to see.
I shake those thoughts away for now and get up to meet the rest of the members.

***

I didn't know this but apparently the interview was live. On top of that, it was more of a self interview process.
The producers told us, we would be given a hat filled witj paper questions the member holding the hat would answer it. Then, it would be passed to the next member until all the paper is gone.
Although I'm always on camera, I feel nervous once the crew starts counting down from 5, signaling us when we're live.
We all say our group greeting then, we say our individual introductions. The 6 of us introduce ourselves in our broken English while Namjoon flurries through his words so quickly I can barely understand his name.
Then, the interview begins. Namjoon is the first to pull out a question, he reads it in English then reads it in Korean for us. 
"What is your favorite trait of the person sitting next to you?" He says.
The person next to him is Jin and Joon pretend to have to think really hard about it. Jin lifts head and puts his hands under his chin.
"I guess his face." Namjoon says with a smile and Jin nods.
"Of course," he says, "I'm Worldwide Handsome."
We all laugh and the hat gets passed to WWH.
I'm sadly the last one to receive the hat and I patiently wait through the other members questions and answers for my turn. Almost all the questions tended to be boring like 'who's an artist you look up to?' or ' what would you be doing if you weren't in BTS?'. Most of the questions already had answers somewhere online.
The most interesting one so far was definitely Taehyung's who got 'What color underwear do you have on?' Which prompted a whole TMI section of all of us sharing our underwear colors.
Finally the hat got to me and I shuffled the little scraps before pulling one out. It had the Korean translation at the bottom and I read out.
"Who's your favorite person to Vlive with? Why?" While waiting for Namjoon to translate, I think of how I would answer this question.
"Of course!" I say, "My best friend Yoongi!" I lean forward to see him and he's covering his face with his hand while his chest bobs up and down.
Nows my chance.
"Yoongi, you want to go live in my room later tonight?"
All heads turn to Yoongi for his reply.
"Me? Uh, sure." We laugh at his confused answer and Jungkook jokes that Yoongi sounded like he hates going live with me.
"You heard it army, I'm going live with Yoongi later tonight!" I pointed at the camera with a grin.
I can't wait to be by myself with Yoongi later in my room.

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