I WROTE A SONG ABOUT GETTING BETTER

Malice

This person I've become, this ugly fucking disease
It's eating away at me, this disgusting disease
I'm fucking sick, and I can finally breathe.

Noah's words were intense, especially seeing him performing live. My heart aches for the broken man who once had my heart. I can't help but wonder if he's been able to pick up any pieces since I've left.

"Earth to Ellie!" Nick waved his hand in front of my face, obviously trying to get my attention for quite some time. I turned my attention to him, focusing my eyes back to reality. I didn't even realize the guys were now off stage. "You good?" He gave me a quizzical look. "Yeah, I am fine. Sorry I must of spaced out." I tucked a piece of
hair behind my ear, a nervous habit that I do.

"No worries. Are you coming to the bar with us?" I nodded a yes and followed behind him. Before I knew it I had Folio and Noah on either side of me. Noah towered over me and met my gaze to send a warm smile my way.

"Another great show." I broke the silence. He smiled but I could tell the wheels were starting to overheat in his brain. I felt the pain he expressed within his lyrics on stage. I knew his past, he had told me everything. All I ever wanted to do is take his pain and make it mine, and I know he wants the same for me.

"You okay?" I asked as I looked up anxiously to meet his chocolate brown eyes. The same pair of eyes that have haunted me since the day I walked away. "Yeah, I uh-" Noah stopped in his tracks and I followed suit, leaving the rest of the band on their way without us. He took a second to clear his voice. "I just cannot believe you're here." His eyes were so intense I felt like he could see my soul. "Why did you go?" He asked above a whisper before I could reply to him. He sounded so broken asking me that.

"Ellie!" Bryan called, still in my eye sight. They have reached the bar. I can't answer Noah. Not now, anyway. "We should catch up to them." Against his own thoughts, he pushed a smile on his face and nodded, leading the way to the rest of the group.

The bar was packed as expected for a Friday night. I don't really like to go out much because of how bad my social anxiety is but the guys look out for me well. They make me feel like I have a babysitter sometimes, but it's in my best interest.

"Are you gonna be okay here, Ellie?" Bryan asked me. "Yeah, I'm good. I can really use a drink." He nodded and headed to the bar to join Folio and Noah. I stayed at our table with Issac and a few others. After a few drinks the vibes were good and there was so much laughter. I just couldn't get Noah's question from earlier out of my head.

The night was ending and the guys have consumed enough, and honestly so have I. We started the trek back to the hotel, some stumbling and laughing. "Ellie." Noah stated, stopping me in my tracks, once again disconnecting us from the rest of the group. "Why did you leave me?" His words were slurred and harsher than earlier. "I'm not doing this." I started to storm away but Noah managed to grab ahold of my hand and spin me back towards him. His intense, dark eyes quickly softened into sadness and pain. "I needed you, Ellie."

"And I needed you too, Noah." The words came out harsher than intended from my mouth. I didn't realize I was crying until Noah wiped a tear from my cheek. "It was never anything with malicious intent, Noah. You hurt me, we hurt each other. It was time to walk away." I ripped my eyes away from him and continued my walk to the bus.