THE GUY WHO'D SEEN IT ALL

02:18

GHOST OF THE PAST

SHAWN's

After a week, I got out of prison because of Chief Fulgerio's help. I don't know how he did it, but I really don't care.

When I got out, I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. I just felt empty inside. Lahat ng plinano ko ay wala na. The future with the girl I love has just faded.

But our memories together are killing me because I can still see her in everything I do. Kahit sa pagkain o lugar, siya lang ang nakikita ko. The way she laughed at me or make fun of me is hunting me.

"Do you know how smart you are?" Naalala kong tanong niya habang inaayos ko ang gulong ng kotse ng Papa ko na tinakas ko para dalhin siya sa dagat. She loves seas.

"You're a genius Shawn, you know that? You'll help a lot of people in the future, I can see it."

"If you could just see yourself the way we see you."

Ikinuyom ko ang kamao ko habang paulit-ulit na nag eecho sa utak ko ang mga magagandang salita na sinasabi niya sa akin.

"W-Why?!"

Binato ko ang lamesa ko at nagsisigaw sa loob ng bahay. Nakita kong pumasok si Mama sa kuwarto ko.

"Shawn." Dali-dali itong lumapit sa akin.

Humarap ako sa kanya na may naluluhang mata. Biglang napalitan ng pag-aalala ang mukha niya at mabilis akong niyakap.

"W-Why did she have to leave m-me, ma?"

"Malalampasan mo rin 'to, anak."

Weeks had passed, and Chief Fritz Fulgerio offered me a job. It's not huge, but I accepted it because all I need is a distraction. If I let myself think about Val, I feel like I'm going to kill myself.

And to be honest, I don't care if what I'm doing is legal or not. I just let other people use me. I did everything they wanted me to do so I could forget the feeling of this tragedy.

I started killing criminals on the shadows para lang ibuhos ang natitirang galit ko sa mga lalaking napatay ko noong gabing iyon. I became a silent hero in town. I chose violence to forget.

I did everything to forget the pain.

But it came back when my mother died after one year because of stroke. Namatay siya nang hindi ko man lang naibabalik sa kanya yung mga ginawa niya para sa akin.

Sobrang laki ng pagsisisi ko dahil doon at sobrang ang galit ko sa sarili ko. I lost two women that special to me without even doing anything.

Tangina, gano'n na ba talaga ako kawalang kuwenta? Wala na akong maayos na nagawa sa buhay ko. Tinaguriang matalino pero hindi nagagawang mag-isip ng tama.

Simula noong namatay si Val ay palaging emosyon ko na lang ang nag kokontrol sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay. It's always anger, and revenge.

Pero kanino pa ba ako maghihiganti? Napatay ko na yung mga lalaki noong gabing iyon. Val is also gone. Ako na lang ang nagpapahirap sa sarili ko by trapping myself to the past.

My mother's death was my wake-up call to finally realize that I have to fix myself-that I have to use my brain again. I tried to study again. I chose the Criminology program this time so I could help Chief Fulgerio more in his field. Besides, he has helped me a lot.

I was also helping Dr. Sandoval with his research at the same time. But eventually, the tables turned, and he's the one who's helping with mine.

I graduated again when I was 23 and got my doctorate degree at the age of 25. I got my own apartment, my own car, a stable job, and it seems like I have everything-except for the fact that I lost everything a long time ago.