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left unsaid, thomas

imagine: you're dying.

warning: angst angst angst + u died if u couldnt tell

++ sorry if any of the descriptions dont apply with you!! this is kinda short + not very organized

THOMAS

LEFT UNSAID
       if i explained how i fell in love for my first time, it'd be a mess. since my memory has been absolutely wiped, i cannot guarantee and say that this was my first time ever falling in love. but with that, i'm going to say she was my first ever true love.

       i cannot describe exactly what i love, or, loved about her. maybe it was the way her hair fell past her shoulders, or the way she smiled. the others probably would call me cheesy, but her smile made me feel better. when i was with her, the weight of saving the world at sixteen disappeared.

       she's outgoing, upbeat, considerate and strong. when i first met her in the glade, my mind kept wandering back to her. she was the first one i'd ever trusted, behind alby and newt. when she wasn't gracing me with her presence, i kept asking newt about her. things like what she was really like, why she was the only girl there, and mentally, why was i so intrigued by her. she seemed like she was scared of nothing, like being in a squared stonewall and trapped by the surrounding maze didn't bother her at all.

       again, she was never scared of anything. she was optimistic all the time, even when she saw winston on his deathbed. it's not like she didn't cry, but she smiled through tears and told him she'd see him in the afterlife, and said her thanks for making the group stronger. i think all the time about what her mind is like, how it functions so steadily, even in the darkest of times.

      her being so stable in this apocalyptic world often worried me. so, even through when everything happened, i sat with her while we watched any type of scenery. we talked a lot, even going as far as many hours, but i never got to know what was in her mind. i realize now that maybe she didn't want me to think about what was going on in her head, she only ever really distracted me from everything else.

       nonetheless, i appreciated it a lot. we shared smiles and laughs while we did so. and knowing me, more than eighty-percent of the time, i was too focused on plans and getting everybody to safety all the time, so much that i always forgot to let myself smile. with her though, it was never hard to. it was like her laughter was contagious, and i added that to my mental list of reasons of why i loved her.

       she made me feel like a normal teenage boy. she made me feel like the entire worlds salvation wasn't based on my decision. she never failed to make me feel like the world wasn't ending, and that i had lots of life left to live, and to cherish it. those were three of the many things that i really enjoyed about her. she had my utmost respect, and she was only a sixteen year old girl that was trapped in a maze, with sixty other boys that included me.