Not all parents love their children / Clorscha

Chapter 13

Sorscha stepped cautiously into her parents' house.

Clodagh had gone ahead and had already disappeared into the living room.

Sorscha couldn't even enter the living room fully before Mimi was already hugging her.

She hugged Sorscha tightly. " I'm sorry mum....."

But Mimi took her face in her hand. "All good, pumpkin," she gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Clodagh had sat down on the couch with Quinn. Her daughter held out her hand to Sorscha.

"....Ma..." the baby said.

Sorscha broke away from Mimi's embrace
" Quinn speaks?!"

Clodagh swallowed hard. " For a few days now......." It broke her heart that Sorscha wasn't there, when she first stated

But the Irish woman didn't seem to be worrying about that at the moment. She approached the two of them and knelt down in front of them. "You speak, my little mouse," she said softly. She reached for Quinns hand. The Baby grabbed on to Sorschas finger.

There it was, Sorscha's smile. The smile Clodagh had fallen in love with all those years ago. No matter how close she wanted to be to her right now. There had to be a distance first.

Sorscha stayed for dinner. When her father came home. Clodagh watched as the two of them hugged for minutes. Rick was a man of few words. But when he held his daughter in his arms, you could clearly see the relief on his face.

The dinner was surprisingly chatty. But this was mainly thanks to Mimi. Clodagh watched from the other end of the table as Sorscha fed they daughter. Sorscha's eyes lit up again. But Clodagh was savouring this moment with caution. The results of the last few months were in the back of her mind.

Sorscha put Quinn to bed. Then it was time to say goodbye.

Clodagh accompanied her to the door.

"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow," said Sorscha.

"Good night..."

There was a moment of silence between the two, they just looked at each other.

Sorscha suddenly stepped closer and leaned forwards. But Clodagh put her hand on her chest and stopped her.

" Too soon...?" whispered Sorscha, a hint of sadness in her voice.

" yes..... Sorscha, I need some space. You can promise me a lot right now. But I need to see results."

Sorscha nodded in understanding.
With that, she left, Clodagh watching after her until she entered her house.

Nervousness was in the air. Sorscha bit her fingernails. If her other hand wasn't still in a plaster cast, she would have chewed off all the nails there too.

Clodagh looked over at her. The two of them were sitting next to each other on a sofa in the psychologist's office.

Clodagh wanted to reach for her hand, but held back. The brown-blonde found one thing strange, however. Sorscha had sat down next to her with her blind eye. Normally, Sorscha had always done everything she could to prevent anyone from getting to her blind side.

Sorscha couldn't see Clodagh. But she still felt her gaze.

The door opened and a tall blonde woman entered. Glasses on the end of her nose and a clipboard in her hand.

She sat down on an armchair opposite the two of them.

"Hello, I'm Jane Smith. Nice to have you here today" A slight smile on her lips.

"Hello." Clodagh spoke.

Sorscha, however, only nodded.

"Well then, let's get started," said Jane." I read your backstory before this meeting today. It's quite shocking, to say the least. I'm very surprised that one of you didn't come here sooner."

Jane looked up and adjusted her glasses. "What was the turning point that brought you here after all?"

Clodagh looked at Sorscha. She hoped she would say something now. But nothing came from her.

" Sorscha has been having flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks since the attack."

Sorscha looked like a deer in the headlights. " ...Yes."

"And you Clodagh? Has anything changed in you since the attack?"

Clodagh was surprised, she had actually expected more talk about Sorscha's problems. " Um well...... I've been struggling with depression since I was young. I'm just really exhausted...."

Jane tapped her pen on the clipboard. "I have the feeling that you two haven't communicated much since the attack."

Sorscha finally spoke up. " That's right. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before the whole thing. And not really talk about anything that was going on in my head..."

" Me too..." Clodagh whispered.

"So you've never talked about the attack or how you're feeling?"

They both shook their heads.

"Well then, I guess we have a lot to talk about," said Jane.

Sorscha finally talked about the day that changed everything. She talked about how she was ashamed that she hadn't been strong enough. That her blind eye reminded her every day that she had failed to protect Clodagh, she talked about the flashbacks, about her nightmares and about the current separation from her wife.

And Clodagh finally spoke about her guilt, the guilt she felt every day. The fear she felt of her parents. But also that she grieved for her parents. Sorscha only now learnt that Erica had died of cancer a few weeks ago. Clodagh talked about the fear she had of Sorscha when she strangled her.

It was only now that they realised how little they had actually said to each other in the last few months.

"So we've talked about a lot, now we can work through that. I think it's better if you continue to live separately for now. So that you both don't fall into old patterns. I would like to see you at least once a week," said Jane.

Sorscha held the door open for Clodagh.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," said Sorscha.

Clodagh gave her the 'I told you so look'.

The first stone had now been laid, but there was still a long way to go.