Not all parents love their children / Clorscha

Chapter 10

The rain beat against the window.

Silence reigned throughout the house. Loud silence.

The wardrobe in the bedroom was open. Clothes had disappeared from it. Toys and clothes for the baby had also disappeared.

In the kitchen, the clutter from two days ago was still untouched.

All the lights were off. All the windows were closed.

Silence.

The red stain on the bedroom wall had turned a dark red-brown colour.

Two rings lay on the dresser in the bedroom.

Tired eyes stared at the ceiling.

Her body appeared calm. But there was a battle going on inside.

She felt all emotions at the same time and nothing at all.

No sleep, no hunger, no thirst.

She was trapped in her head.
Still wearing the clothes she had come home with yesterday.

How much she had hoped that she wouldn't be alone when she got home.

That she could make up for it.

But that wasn't the case.

She had destroyed it.

Everything that had been built up over the last few years. Gone.

Sorscha heard someone banging on the door. She didn't manage to get out of bed. She couldn't and didn't want to face anyone.

What she had done was unforgivable.

You let yourself be broken. And you broke her.

She gave you her heart and you shattered it.

You destroyed your family.

You weren't strong enough.

Sorscha turned onto her side and covered her ears. She wanted to stifle the thoughts.

Clodagh was sitting on her in-laws' couch with her daughter in her arms.

She simply stared into space. While she lovingly stroked her daughter's cheek.

She could hear voices. Even though they were far away, almost incomprehensible.

But Mimi and Autumn were talking quietly in the living room.

Rick had gone to Sorscha.

There were clouds in Clodagh's head. It felt like someone had switched off her emotions and she was just functioning.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to lash out. She wanted to go back to her house.

She wanted to go to Sorscha.

But she couldn't. She was afraid.

Afraid to look her in the face.
Afraid of her reaction.
Afraid of the scar on her face.

Her failure was reflected in Sorscha's white eye. And she couldn't look at it any longer.

It hurt too much.

You should have protected her.

You should have been more patient with her. How many nights did she hold you when you weren't well.

You're a coward.

You just ran away.

She looked down at her daughter. Silent tears fell from her face onto the baby.

Why couldn't she switch off her thoughts?

She heard the front door open.
Rick was back.

" Were you with her? How is she?" Mimi whispered softly.

" Not a chance. She's ignoring the door," Rick said calmly.

"That's not good...", that was Autumn.

Clodagh hated herself. She was always there for you. She always protected you. And now she was broken, because of her.