Forever Yours

Chapter Three

Connor Chase

The fresh cuts on my thighs scrap against my jeans, it burns, and hurts. But I keep walking. I have a 2 mile walk to work, and I'm almost late. Keeping a job is a struggle for me. I can't hold one, even though i try so fucking hard too.

That's just something else to add to my long, long list of issues. Like my mood swings. One second im on top of the fucking world, the next im trying on my bathroom floor with a razor in my skin.

Sarah didn't hear me though, and that's all that matters. My little sister just turned 14, and I barely had enough money to buy her a damn cake. But I did, so that counts. For something.

I make my way inside the book store I work at, and give the owner a small smile.

"You're late" The older lady, Jen who runs the place says. She types some stuff into the computer, then turns. "I have to go, can you finish this?" she throws her hands to the computer, and i nod.

I take over where she left off typing the inventory into the charts. We aren't that busy tonight, so I do that for a while, and then I sit on the floor and read. My mind can be a very chaotic place, so I'm not surprised when I pause mid sentence to reorganize our folders.

I'm halfway through that, when the bell above the door rings. I pop up, yelling a greeting. "Good after noon-"

"I need more of these" Ethan, our Alpha's son says. He's a couple years older than me, has brown hair and hazel eyes. He's sexy as fuck, tall as fuck. And just big. He's bulky, and takes up a lot of space.

But along with my fun traits, I can't form new relationships. I'm not good at peopling, and reading social cues. I don't trust anyone but Sarah, so I don't let anyone in.

I know I'll have a mate, and I hope those things get easier. Otherwise I don't see myself having a happy ever after.

"They were addicting," Ethan adds, pulling me from my thoughts. "I stayed up so late the one night reading"

I chew the inside of my cheek until the skin breaks and copper fills my mouth. "I can get you more." and my feet pull me to the LGBTQ+ section. I leave without a word, and I'm gone quickly.

I grab a bunch of my favorites, and then I'm back behind the desk, plopping them down. He selects two, and I take the old ones. I return them, and he flips through the new ones.

"That will get you nowhere" I blurted, typing his info in.

"I guess i just wanted to look" he gives me a lazy smile, and my eyes focus on his lips for an awkward amount of time.

"Okay" I scan his new books, and get him checked out. Then I plop back down on the floor, and start reorganizing what I organized.

"You are.. Something" Ethan peers over the desk, and I pause for a second, sitting back on my knees.

"I don't know what you mean"

"You're kind of all over the place"

"I am. It's normal "I nod, and go back to my work.

"I like it" That makes one of us. Because my brain is all over the place I can't focus on one single thing. It's like I'm flipping through a book at lightning speed.

"I hate that most about myself" my voice carries loudly, because i have outbursts sometimes. I'm a fucking train wreck, thank you.

"That's interesting" Ethan chews on his bottom lip, like he's coming to terms with something. Whatever that is, I want it far away from me.

I ignore him, going back to my work. Until he interrupts me again. I sigh this time, and cross my arms.

"You read a lot- okay what's that for? I just wanna talk"

"I don't do this whole friendly thing. Sorry "I give a fake smile. "I get you're gonna be alpha and all. And i respect how rich and how life is just handed to you, but i have actual work to do" i push off the ground to my feet. "So thanks, but no thanks"

And then I'm gone again.

—-

My cuts heal within a couple days, and turn into very faint lines. I don't cut deep, sense i only do it to control my feelings. I feel to much all at once, but nothing at all. It helps me when I'm in that state of mind.

I have a bunch of very faint white lines on my thighs, but no one sees but me.

I walk out of the small bathroom, and head towards my bedroom, when my sister's voice stops me.

"It's late"

"Just after 11 '' I stopped in her doorway, leaning against it. We have a small two bedroom apartment. It's not in pack lands, since we can't afford it. This dump is 600 a month, and we barely have hot water.

"Are you doing okay?" Sarah asks, and I nod.

"Yup. Good"

"You can't lie to me, you know that." she scoots over in bed, tapping beside her. I let out a heavy breath, and climbed in. I settle under the covers.

"It's just all so fucking loud. I don't know what's wrong with me"

"I'll be able to work soon. Then maybe we can get you into someone?"

"Just wish our pack offered more for poor people" I admit. Medicines are free and therapy can be too depending on your rank. But we're not an old family, and we don't have parents.

"We'll figure it out someday" Sarah murmurs, lacing our fingers together. "You and I"

"Me and you, kid"

—

"Hi" my spine straightens, and my brows furrow. Remi Williams is talking to me. He's in my grade, but I've never talked to him before.

"Hi?" it comes off rude, even though i don't mean for it too. I don't correct it though.

"I'm Remi, you're Connor, right?"

"Yes?" again, rude.

"Just wanted to chat. I don't have many friends" he smiles at me, and sits down beside me.

"Oh. I don't do this" i gesture between us.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like you. Or anyone" my response comes out clipped, but Remi nods.

"People with personality disorders tend to not be able to form relationships. They don't trust easily, so it makes sense" Remi says, as he pulls out a book.

"Excuse me?"

"That's what you have, isn't it?" he tilts his head.

"I don't have anything"

"Ohhh. You're undiagnosed. We need to get you in asap. It can be very damaging. Have you met with the pack doctors?"

"Don't have money for that"

"I'll talk to E. He'll get you an appointment. Get you treated. Personality disorders can be tricky. I have bipolar, it's not the same but i have mood swings too and i know how bad those can be untreated."

"Okay, no thank you to whatever the fuck this is" i pack my stuff up, and get the fuck away from him.

Personality disorder? What the fuck is that? Why does he think I 'have' that? What is his problem? 

.......

Ahhh, finally in Connor's head. Is it what you thought? Connor is a very chaotic person, and I can't wait to learn more about him!

Early access on my patreon like always! :)