Forever Yours

Chapter Eleven

Connor Chase

We have two cats now, and I love them. They are so sweet, and cuddly. I want more of them. Maybe like 6 more? I don't know.

Momma is curled up on my chest, and Socks in in my lap. I'm laying on my back in my bed, playing on this switch Ethan has. It has cool games that are pretty fun. I'm playing animal crossing right now.

I don't really know how to play it, but it's passing time so it's fine.

I have my first therapy appointment today. Xan is coming with me to it, and it's in about an hour. Ethan offered to come, but he has pack business to handle. Plus I feel comfortable with Xan. It took a couple meetings, but I see him a couple times a week.

I want to go to this appointment, but I'm worried. I'm worried it'll be nothing they can fix, or all this will be for nothing.

Panic surges, and I take a deep breath, trying to focus on the game.

I play for a while, and then it's time to get ready. I slip into jeans and a sweater, then fix my curly hair. By the time I'm ready, Xan is knocking on the door. I open it, and he gives me a small smile.

Xan can be very shy, but he tries hard with me. "You ready kid?" he asks, and I nod.

"Yeah, nervous though" I admit, and he smiles.

"I was too at my first appointment. But it's a judgment free zone, and they only care about you getting better"

"You'll come in with me?" I ask, picking at the skin around my nails.

"Yeah"

"To all of them?" I rip the skin, the burn grounding me.

"Until you're ready for me to let you go alone. I promise, Connor" he grabs my hands, running his thumbs over them. "It's nothing to be nervous about. It's gonna be very beneficial."

I nod, and he drops my hands. I let them fall to my sides, and I wiggle my fingers. "Okay"

—

"Hi Connor, I'm Linda, it's so nice to meet you" A lady in her late 30's early 40's says, as she shakes my hand. She has dark hair, pulled into a tight bun at the top of her head. She's a little shorter than I am, and has glasses on.

"Hi," I murmured.

"Who's this with you?" she asks, as Xan and I sit on the couch.

"I'm Alexander- Xan. I am his mate's uncle. I'm just here for moral support"

"Oh I love that! I love when people have their support person with them. It's amazing" she smiles, sitting down in a chair by the desk. "So I'd like to know why you wanted to come here today?" she asks sweetly.

I suck in a breath of air, running my hands up and down my thighs. Xan scoots closer, holding my hands in his. "It's okay," he murmurs. No judgment. I squeeze his hands tighter, worried he will let go.

He doesn't.

"I've been having some mental health issues. Some of the people around me are worried I have BPD "I say gently. "I don't know if that's the case- I know nothing about any of this. But I've been struggling real bad, and need some guidance.

Linda nods, giving me an encouraging smile.

Then next thing I know, I'm pouring out everything, in a frantic chaos.

She listens, and adds her input occasionally. She asks me a lot of questions, and listens to all of my answers. She says she has her license to be able to prescribe me meds if i want them, and she is able to diagnose me if needed.

By the end of my appointment, she gives me a small smile.

"From everything you've shared, my early diagnosis would be Borderline Personality Disorder, mainly cluster B. Moderate to severe panic attacks. I would love to go into this more with you at your next appointment, and discuss more of your childhood. I can't confirm these for sure until we get a couple more sessions in, but I agree with your friends thus far. There is treatment for BPD, and panic attacks we can discuss in our future sessions if you'd like. But I'd like to see you a couple times a week for starters. Would you be okay with that?"

Her words barely hit me, and I just kind of stared at her. Then Xanis rubbing my back, pulling me back in.

"Yeah, that'd be great if we could. Can I bring a support person each time? I'd like my mate or Xan to come with"

"That is fine with me, but we ask you to limit it to one person at a time. More than one can be very overwhelming for everyone" she gives me a kind smile, and stands. She shakes my hand, and then we're leaving the room.

—-

"How'd it go?" Ethan asks, as he sits on the edge of my bed. I'm laying in bed with our kitties, one in my lap and the other curled up by my feet. I set the switch down on my chest and chew on my bottom lip.

"She thinks it is BPD, and panic attacks. She says if that's the case there is medication available for me. We just need to talk more to figure it out "I fill him in on what happened, running my fingers over Sock's fur.

"That's not the worst, Pretty Boy. It's okay to have it" Ethan says, running his hand up and down my shin. I nod, and he squeezes my leg. "It's gonna be okay, whatever it is, we will go through it together"

"I hope so," I murmured, my eyes stinging with tears. I blink them away, pushing the sadness down. "What did you do today?"

"I had pack shit to deal with, and then I followed my dad around. This becoming Alpha is hitting its serious point now. We're planning a ceremony soon too."

Ethan stands, running his fingers through his hair. "You're gonna do great" I say softly, setting the switch beside me. I gently move Socks, and climb to my knees. Shifting to the edge of the bed, I grab hold of my mate's arm, stopping him. "You'll do great" I repeat my words from earlier.

Ethan nods, his eyes boring into mine. He steps closer, making it so our chest is almost brushing with each inhale of air. He cups my jaw with his free hand. His lips are brushing mine. It's gentle, and soft.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another kiss.

This one? Is everything.

My tongue poles out, brushing the seam of his lips. He wastes no time opening up for me. I shift on the bed, getting closer until our chests are flushed together. The kiss turns heated, Ethan angeling my head so he can thrust his tongue in further.

Blood soars through my body, and I cling to my mate like never before. He leans down, scooping my legs and falling forward with me. I instantly trap him between my legs, wrapping them around his waist, and holding on.

His hips shift sink down, his hard on brushing mine. It sends goosebumps scattering all over my body. To the tips of my toes, to the stop of my hair.

Ethan Williams is everywhere, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of him. But I'm not sure i would, if i had the choice.

I kiss deeper, grind back harder. Tug him close to me, and I swallow down all my moans. He can't hear me this desperate.

He pulls away, lips instantly going to my neck. He sucks and nips at the skin, avoiding my mark.

He sucks at my skin, pulling it between my teeth. A deep, shaky moan slips from my chest, and he laps at the skin. "You like it rough, Pretty Boy?" he asks me, throwing me off guard. He goes back to assaulting my skin, but I nod.

"Yeah- yes" I gasp when he rolls his hips into mine. We kiss and grind for a little longer, before both deciding to pull away. We haven't taken the next step.

And I'm not sure I want to. 

.....

I love being in Connors head lol