my love for you!

10 : secret

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He was almost completely in his closet doing a search operation. His room was being all messy. It was not a rare scene as one can witness when he was frustrated or anxious. Her mother's eyes were on his actions through opened door of his room while preparing for dinner in their kitchen that was opposite to his room.
She was aware why he was doing it. His father's death anniversary was approaching and one can notice his condition for many days in that time. He used to turn his house in a complete mess in these days. But he didn't shared anything with her or said, just showing his anxiety through his actions. She was aware of his fight with his fellows beacuse of those mood swings but couldn't find a chance to talk to him.

"Why couldn't I find that piece of $hi*"

"Kim Ahan!" In response to his murmuring a surprised voice of her mother echoed by his side. He was stunned at his place. She call him by his full name when she was angry at him. He was caught off guard. He squeezed his eyes tightly pursing his lips hard, trying to hide his flushed face in clothes hanging in the closet with embarrassment. He never cursed before though he heard it from his fellows a lot. It was his first time and he really now have to save his life from all the nagging mommy was gonna do.

"Argghh." He cringed, not showing his reaction to his mother. He didn't have a death wish.

"Did I brought you up in the way that you can use this cheap and abusive language?" She asked in a woeful speech. Her eyes filled with sorrow were entangled in his messy hair as his face was hidden in the closet. He scratched his exposed neck nervously feeling her piercing gaze and turned around, eyes lowered, lower lip tucking in between his teeth.

"I'm sorry mommy!" He mumbled in a low voice laced with embarrassment still scratching his neck. He never thought of getting caught by her when he was saying those words caught in the moment.

"Why doing such things, you've to say sorry for later?" He started staring at his feet-toes wiggling them in his white open slippers. He nervously lifted his head, eyes roaming around, not meeting her mother's.

"I know you're depressed. But I hope you won't make me feel embarrassed in his eyes." His head snapped back to her at mentioning him. Tears rose in his throat blocking his will to say something. He gulped with stinging sensation in his eyes and throat. Her words were like sword piercing his heart. He almost cried calling her "please mommy!" Holding her hand he pleaded.

"I promise it won't happen again."

"Hani! This mouth of a man gives the deepest wounds. Learn the good use of it. And if I remember it correctly I got a complaint from your school. You had a fight with your teammates! Your dean called me." She asked him hoping she was wrong. She never expected his violent side to exist. Yeah he use to have his anger issues at small things but he never started a fight over anything means beating someone! It was a real shock for her.

He hung his head low avoiding her eyes. The whole thing appeared again on the walls of his memories. Shutting his eyes tightly he turned his face to the other side. But she held his face and turned his head to face herself.

"Why, Ahan?" She repeated her question looking into his golden orbs. Due to his height, more than his mother's, he was unable to hide his face even when lowering his head. So last option was to tell her everything.

"He... he said something bad about you... and it got me." With his eyes closed he mumbled and jumbled that if she was not paying fully attention to him, she wouldn't be able to get a word of what he uttered. His lips were trembling like a kid. A drop of tear escaping from his eyes slipped on his cheek and then a little well opened up releasing a stream of saline liquid.

"What did he said?" She was worried at his crying. So asked him hastily.

"I can't... I can't tell it please!" He tried to clean his tear stained face with the sleeves of his white cotton shirt he was wearing.

"Ahan..." she was about to say something when he suddenly hugged her tight without giving her a chance to say another word and started sobbing hiding his face in her shoulder and trembling. She was surprised at this attack. He was her strong kid who never even wept if he was hurt when he was kid. That meant something really big happened back then that made him whimper like a child.

She was thinking of his anger issues and mood swings as his hormonal problems and growth issues. 'But definitely there was something else too that she was unaware of.' She thought listening to his cries.

"Ahan you're no more a little pup. You're a grown up man. Stop crying and explain it to me. If crying like insane can solve the issue I too should start crying over things that still haunt me and hurt me. We're family. Let's talk and sort them out. Hmm?" She patted his back lightly and rubbed to soothe him saying politely. He tried to hold back his tears but failing in his attempts he hid his eyes in her shoulder as a little afraid kid who wanted to hide in his mother's lap from the cruelty of world.

"I'm missing him mommy! If he was here, no one could talk bad about you. He would have been here with us, protecting us from the cruelty of the people." Pushing tears in the back of the throat he whispered in a such low voice that she hardly could make it. Her hand rubbing his back stopped in it's way on his back.

"Why did it happened to us mommy? What wrong we did to suffer from all the things they say? What do I do mommy? Was it crucial to do that?"

His questions were like sharp knives to her heart. Her eyesight blurred in the instant. She released a shaky breath and releasing him from her embrace, after giving a thought, left his room leaving him there still on his spot where he was standing glaring at nothing particular.

She went directly to the kitchen and turning the stove off so the food don't get burnt, she came back to him. Holding his hand from his side, she moved to his bed helping him to sit with her. His eyes were puffy.

"Ahan! What's bothering you? Tell me please!" She spoke in a calm voice looking at his lowered face as in search of something.

"Everything mommy! I know everything!" He spoke. His tone was low, stressing the word 'everything'. He broke his silence with these words that made her breath struck in her throat. His expression changed as he remembered those bitter moments of his past. Mommy were as still as a statue, holding her breath not even a little movement.

"About what Ahan?" Her lips opened a bit and uttered these words. He looked at her with such expressions that she didn't say a word more. She couldn't.

It was not like she didn't knew but she never knew what dark secret he was hiding deep in his heart like a sea hiding dangerous storms in its depth that have enough power for the destruction of the earth.
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Don't forget to tell me what you think he know and is hiding in his heart??
And who is 'he'?