Right Back After This

Episode 29

Riz hasn't heard the first beep yet. He's not sure if it's only been ten minutes since they first spoke, or thirty, but he's always worried that he's wasting what time they have. Every stolen moment is hard to find again. He's already missing Kiel, and it sucks, because Kiel is right there.

Colian is also right there, all the time, but it's not even in the same way. Riz gets to know Colian is watching him. He doesn't get to feel the way Colian is naturally rubbing his thumb over the back of Riz's hand like it's nothing. He doesn't get that with Kiel, either, but at least Kiel can speak to him, even if it has to be in double-entendre insults.

"Why do you want to spend time with me?" Riz asks, as he's resting against Colian's shoulder. There's a naturalness to it, like they've been doing this forever. "What about me...?"

"I can tell you are not the person they say," Colian says quietly. Listening, still, not quite letting his guard down. Never letting it down any more than Riz is. "And I want to know who you are. Why do you allow me? I am a complete stranger to you."

"No you're not." Riz leans into Colian's neck. Colian doesn't smell like much of anything, and Riz likes that because he's sick of the artificial clogging everything up. Colian is just a person, and it's that simple. His clothes aren't stylish or glittery or plastic or illusory, they're a simple black uniform; the tiny scars on his hands haven't been lasered away, his nails aren't perfect, he's got scruff on his face and even acne here and there. It makes him real, it makes his touch not slip through Riz's fingers like water. "You're the person who hugged me the moment he knew he could, because he thought I was being taken advantage of and he wanted me to feel safe. That says a lot about someone. I've learned to read a lot into every hint I get."

"Then you should have read into my selfishness," Colian says evenly, "and how clear it must be that I am equally taking advantage of you."

"Oh?" Riz raises an eyebrow, hoping the intense scepticism is clear in his voice. "How so?"

Colian raises a hand up, brushes Riz's hair out of his eyes; Riz only lifts his head off of Colian's shoulder so he can meet his gaze, remaining near so that Colian's whisper is heard clearly. "Because it is obvious that I have wanted you since the moment we met, is it not? Am I not taking as much advantage as Ares is, bringing you here, knowing you have no one else?"

Riz scoffs. "I am so fucking sick," he begins, finding more power than he expects in just being able to swear, "...of everyone assuming I have no agency in this situation. This life is fucking complicated, but I'm not some trapped damsel who can't say no. Have you considered that maybe I don't want to say no? Have you even asked yourself if maybe I've wanted you for just as long?"

Colian tilts his head as if confused, and Riz takes the opportunity to sling his leg across Colian's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. "There are things out of my control," Riz says. "This isn't one of them."

That is the declaration, and the kiss seals it. Colian makes a small noise of surprise, but after a moment, he's pressing back against Riz, grabbing at the front of his shirt, as Riz is pushing him down against the sand, unbuttoning that uniform and sliding his hands over Colian's chest.

Colian looks up at him with a sharp intake of breath as Riz pulls his shirt apart- and notices, with a small laugh, "you don't have any nipples?"

He catches this right before noticing the two long scars that cross Colian's chest on either side, which he runs a careful finger over.

"I did not see the point in keeping them."

"What? Did you- did you get a surgery like that on purpose?"

"You did not know what the scars mean?" Colian asks, to Riz's innocently shaken head. Colian reclines his head against the sand with a sigh, and Riz watches the reflection of the stars in his eyes. "I suppose you miss things on Deliquet. I am sorry. I did not mean to surprise you with this."