Right Back After This

Episode 12

Riz always boards ships with shaky legs. Even sitting completely still, on a couch surrounded by the rest of Saccharine, he's dizzy, like he might fall. His fear is helped by the fact that this room is not large; seven people is a crowd. His fear is definitely, definitely made worse by the window they've insisted on placing in the middle of the floor. Right now, it just shows the ground, so far below that looking at it makes Riz want to faint, even from a few metres away.

On one side of him sits Amello, who doesn't hesitate to take Riz's hand. Shia sits on the other, and Wrenley is leaning against the arm of the couch beside Shia. Paloma is running through a checklist on her tablet; Sonja and Ares are seated across from the group, although Riz can't hear what they're whispering about- at least not over Paloma's voice. Riz stares at the roof instead; why is it always that stupid stark white? It always gives rooms a clinical feel. It's more comfortable than dirty, destroyed concrete, than burning, soggy marshes, than dust-choked mines and muddy trenches. But it's still not comforting.

Their mics were clicked off as they entered, but despite that, Riz hasn't been able to catch Ares' eye yet. He's also got some anxiety in the back of his mind about having not seen Colian get on the ship. He's fully aware that he's not allowed to ask if Colian is coming, even with his mic off.

"We're going to lose signal when we leave the vicinity of Bryten, especially as we go through the wormhole," Paloma's explaining, marginally less irritated than usual, "so you're all using these mic packs. It's all kept in hard copy, so the livestreams are off, but we'll get the footage out when we land. Showers and sleep are the only time they're allowed to be off."

Riz's eyes are flickering between her and the huge glass window beneath her feet, that she's casually stepping over like it won't crack under her heel. She throws something in Shia's general direction, and an old-fashioned portable mic pack ends up in Riz's hands. He stares at it, at the small switch that's so easily turned off.

Ares still won't look at him. Riz puts the mic pack on, because he sees Amello doing it. Is he going to be losing what little sleep he gets already?

Paloma yawns like she didn't get much sleep either. "Have you been in this particular ship before?" she asks the whole group. "Do I have to remind you where everything is?"

Riz rolls his head back as the others talk. He thinks this ship is new to him, but he can figure out his sleeping quarters, or where the bathrooms are. He wishes he had a map of the cameras, though. He wonders if Ares has that map. He wonders if Ares is going to show him the failsafe before the trip is over.

He hears the noise outside amping up. Will they warn them before the ship takes off? Will Riz even get a chance to hold on tight, to cower under a blanket and hide from all the windows, as if that can save him from the endless void ready to tear him apart?

He takes advantage of the moments before they have to turn their mics on, while Paloma is still talking. He leans into Amello. "Are we leaving?" he asks quietly, and Amello immediately wraps his arm around Riz's neck, giving him the closeness of another human being- the warmth of his body protecting from the infinite cold.

"Not yet," Amello whispers the comforting words into Riz's hair. "Soon. As soon as we're in space you'll feel a lot better."

Riz doubts that.

"Is this important?" Paloma interrupts whatever she was saying with the accusatory tone of someone oft interrupted. Riz doesn't think they're that bad, but perhaps it's not Saccharine's fault.

"Riz is just scared of takeoff," Amello says, clear and confident, "everything's fine."

"Save the cutesy shit for the cameras, then," Paloma snaps, and Riz's face goes red. "We're not leaving yet."