Right Back After This

Episode 14

Riz doesn't ever get a long reprieve, and so he stops considering alone time with Ares for now. The conversation with Sonja induced no new stress, because none of what she said was news.

Riz has just snuck back out to the hallway, and made uneasy eye contact with Colian. Riz smiles and waves because that is what he does, not because it's real. He supposes he's reminded of the risks, an extra weight that keeps him from reaching out for another hug, as much as he needs it. And again, he has to wonder, but cannot ask, how much Colian could hear through the door. How much he's worried, and how much he knows.

Riz's trust is probably unfounded. He has no way to know. Somehow, it's almost a stronger trust than any he's built on camera.

Still, when he finds Amello and Shia sitting together in a small room in the dark, their faces illuminated by blue light from a whole-wall screen, he recognises that he can find comfort here. He's got nothing if not material comforts on all sides, and maybe he should be more grateful. Especially as Amello sees him and immediately grins, throws his arms open, waiting expectantly for Riz's embrace.

Riz doesn't think about it. Shia's sitting up on a couch, but Amello is on the floor, and that's where Riz joins him, under a thick blanket. He's overly aware of the mic pack on his waist, how it gets in the way of pressing his hip properly against Amello's side. This, like nothing else in his entire life, is easy. His mother used to say nothing easy is worth doing. Amello's arm around his shoulder proves her wrong, on at least one front.

"How are you doing?" Amello asks quietly. Not infinitely quietly, not magically impossibly quiet that no audience hears. Riz wishes he didn't have this hyperawareness anymore; it might be easier to bear answering.

"I'm okay," he says quietly. "Hugs are good, though."

Amello has a way of burying his face in Riz's hair, such that he can kiss him tenderly without anyone but Riz knowing for sure he's done it. "I hope you're actually okay."

"For real, I am." Riz closes his eyes. He's tired of explaining as much. He shuffles the blanket so it's over his shoulders, so he can link his arms around Amello's chest and pull him near. He runs his fingers over Amello's ribs, feeling his skin underneath his shirt. "What are you guys watching?"

Amello's eyes are focused on the shifting images on the screen, and in them Riz can see the reflection of the film Amello's describing. "It's an old, old movie about Earth, before wormholes and space travel and stuff, and it's about these- well, they're kids really, falling in love from a distance without any kind of technology or anything. It's supposed to make you cry a lot."

He speaks quietly. It's probably so the dialogue is louder and Shia isn't too interrupted, but in Riz's mind he's trying to keep the moment as private as possible.

Riz wonders if Amello can feel the question that underwrites his delicate touch. Riz wouldn't know how to word it- it's more a longing, a general desire to know him, than any real question. It's pronounced just the way he's saying it, with a brushing of fingers, and burying your face in their neck.

"Can I sit with you?" Riz asks, without even bothering to look at the screen. The movie is not important.

"Of course," Amello says, affectionate in every breath, and so Riz sits under that thick blanket, his arms around Amello. The movie is mostly quiet dialogue, and at this point in his life there is very little as comforting as the smell of caramel and pancakes that drifts him off to sleep.

He's vaguely aware of things moving, people talking. Dreams fade in and out, not properly heard, with heavy weights over his eyes. He wakes to a muted shaking of his shoulders at some point in infinity.