Right Back After This

Episode 6

Meetings are supposed to happen relatively far apart. That's why Riz knows it isn't good news when one is called during a 'lunch break'.

He assumes it has to do with the second game, following the first one they'd won. Particularly, the way it just ended. Wrenley had cried out in frustration and left the room when she found out that Jace had been lying to her in order for them to win. Riz had watched him follow her, but not how the next event played out- he doesn't have much of a place in their arc at the moment. He just sat in the aftermath, copping a glare from Kiel at the fact that they lost. As if it was his fault that he barely understood the game- if he had tried as hard as Kiel did, there's a chance he wouldn't have appeared ditzy and stupid, wouldn't have given Kiel any reason to hate him.

Just a chance. He can't contend with the fact that maybe he is ditzy and stupid, and maybe Kiel does hate him. He can't see anything objectively from inside the TV screen.

Lunch would never normally be a meeting, either. Eating is a moment for bonding, for domestic discussion, so it's often the kind of thing that all-access fans pay for- to watch Riz and Amello cooking food for their friends, all of them sitting down to have a laugh around the table. But sometimes, like now, it's an excuse to cram them back in the meeting room again, microphones buzzed off, so Paloma can yell at Wrenley.

Riz inhales a sandwich, while surreptitiously eyeing Ares, wondering if he's going to get a chance to speak to him today. Ares is, like Sonja, observing the exchange between Paloma and Wrenley as it gets louder- and not from Wrenley's side. "It's not like it's hard!" Paloma is currently yelling, "it's not like you didn't have any say in this at all! We didn't get it from nowhere, did we? Did we?!"

And this provides cover for Amello to whisper to Riz, with what looks like legitimate worry, "...is she in danger of burning out?"

Burning out, running out of fuel, is how a star dies. They tell the fans that it means when one crashes, when someone is too stressed and can't keep up the lifestyle anymore.

That is what happens, but it's a mistake to act like fans are told the whole story. It doesn't often come from the inside. It's also what happens when you can't obey the restrictions anymore, when you crumble under the weight of incalculable numbers of eyes. Fame has been destroying people since fame has been possible; heavy restrictions have been doing the exact same, and they come together like a guillotine and the block, with the added benefit that those heavy restrictions cover up just how destroyed that person has become.

If Wrenley can't keep it together, they'll send out polite messages in the news. They'll have the other idols wish her a tearful goodbye, require her to give a sad speech about how she needs to go home to spend time with her family- and they'll find a way to fake it if she doesn't. She'll be replaced, and she'll go home, whatever that means for her. The psychological damage she's gotten here will last her forever, and the pitiful recognition- or lack thereof- will last her even longer.

Maybe that isn't the end of the world for her. Maybe burning out won't be the worst thing she's ever experienced.

But that's what Riz is afraid of, because he's not the only person held up by his fame. Far from it.

Riz leans over. "I hope not," he whispers, revelling in even this moment of unwitnessed communication, "...for her sake."

This time, when he glances at Ares, Ares is already staring. He told Riz to just come see him when he had some free time- which, if Riz is lucky, is later today. The fear of burning out looms over him, but right now, there is nothing giving fuel back to the dying star. Riz can last longer if he has room to breathe. There's his justification.

Riz jerks his head up in the split second before Ares looks away. It probably doesn't get across the message Riz wants it to, but maybe it does. Maybe soon he won't have to guess.

Riz watches Wrenley now with detached worry. He sees himself in her, where she sits, staring at the table. Her eyes are welled up, but she holds those tears back. If you look closely, you can discern the roots of her hair where they have yet to re-dye the white- a touch of pitch black that gives away humanity.

He wonders if she's going to burn out brightly, or fizzle. Maybe she can hold out just long enough to get through this. If this whole thing with Jace is killing her, it'll be changed. For Sonja, the motivation will probably be kindness; Sonja has that in her, when it matters. For Paloma, and the people in corporate who truly make the decisions, it'll be because changing a member out is risky, and her ratings would have to plummet for it to be worth doing.

Sonja places a hand on Paloma's shoulder, and she swoops in to talk to Wrenley as privately as anyone can. Paloma's fury lingers, and as everyone avoids bringing it back, Ares comes down next to Riz, and asks quietly, "how are you going with that whole health thing we discussed earlier?"

So it's a health issue now. Could Ares tell that Riz wanted to talk to him, or is he just trying to be pushy? Was he just making sure Riz knew what to lie about?

"Hang on," Amello tilts closer. "Is everything okay?"

Ares shoots a badly hidden glare his way. "Everything is fine," he says, taking Amello aback.

Riz tries to correct for that, with a hand on Amello's arm. "It's fine. I promise I'm fine. I meant what I said- I'll let you know if anything is wrong."

"We don't know what's going on yet, but it's unlikely to be a problem," Ares says, more level-headed this time. "I was just checking if Riz was feeling okay."

"I am," Riz says, unsure of how to code these words. "...but maybe we can discuss it later?"

Amello glares at the two of them, but for a short moment, Riz is just waiting for Ares' response. What he gets is a smirk, and Ares saying, "indeed," before slinking off to stand next to Paloma.

"You've got to promise me." Amello takes Riz's hand, from where it lays on his arm, to hold it. His hands are warm, as they always are, and his grip is tighter than Riz would've thought. "That you're alright."

Riz breathes deep. He's not ready to trust what happens on camera. He believes it, mostly, but when asked to take a leap of faith on it, he hesitates.

This moment, though, is not on camera. It isn't being listened to by fans. Maybe Sonja is listening, or some production hands, or Shia as he finishes the last nibbles of a salad. Importantly, there is nobody for Amello to perform to. There are no fans to shipbait, no reasons to hold Riz's hand, other than he does care, like he says he does, and he does want to hold it.

What Riz is about to say is a promise he wouldn't make if he didn't think he'd get to follow through on it.

"I'll tell you the whole story," he says, "...when I get a chance. It needs to be the right time, but I promise I will tell you."

And Amello smiles like he means it, as Sonja claps for everyone's attention.

"One minute," she says, "so make the most of it."

Riz takes that to mean quickly finishing off his sandwich. He struggles not to eat like he's still starving. Amello leans back, lets go, but his expression isn't one of ease.

Wrenley's slowly drying her eyes. Riz wasn't paying as much attention as he should, but he heard her make promises he's not convinced she's going to keep.

If she doesn't pivot to something safer, she might disappear back to a home that Riz honestly can't remember. It'll be on her Wiki, where she came from, but Riz can't be seen to search it up- can't be seen not to remember the origin planet of someone who's meant to be one of his best friends.

If she does burn out, they won't be allowed to talk about her. Fans will, but the group can't show sadness, or mourning, or missing her, not once she's gone for more than a day. Because they'll have someone new. Someone who will have to be their best friend as soon as possible, will have to fit into a paradigm that wasn't made for them. Natural inclinations are played with, used to paint things as sincere- but there's times where the algorithm doesn't predict correctly. It certainly didn't predict whatever is going on with Wrenley and Jace quite right.

If she burns out, she's gone. If Riz is caught breaking the rules, he might well burn out right behind her.

If Riz tells Amello, is he risking that fate for Amello, too?