Right Back After This

Episode 18

When Riz can see Gahren outside the ship's window, he feels better.

He's been itching. Since Kiel took him aside and found a way to whisper sorry where nobody else could hear, he hasn't been able to stop thinking about the failsafe. He thinks about it every time Amello hugs him, wondering what he might be able to ask- or confess- if their mics weren't on. He thinks about it every time he sees Colian, remembers the sound of his voice and how he longs for another chance to hear it. He gets antsy about it every time Ares looks at him in a meeting. It's hard not to feel like it's Ares' fault, but he extends the benefit of the doubt.

The rest of the trip went like this: they went to lunch in some spaceport restaurant that was fancy enough to hide the spaceport quality. It was, as always, boisterous and fun, the two groups sat apart to give the viewers the dose of domesticity they'd normally expect. Riz was trying very hard not to get distracted by what happened with Kiel, because that was a thought that would visibly show on his face.

Nobody yet knew that his mic pack was turned off for those few moments, but he figured the delay would prevent anyone from being too mad. Paloma would yell about losing good footage, but they'd use whatever they had, probably fake some barely-heard dialogue, and it'd be fine. Probably. It wouldn't click for Paloma what they were really saying.

...and Ares hasn't spoken to him. After what happened with Kiel, Riz felt like he needed to find Ares, but when he actually slept that night as they got back onto the ship, there was no attempt made to wake him up. If the cameras were off, he didn't notice. He thought Ares was looking sad in the meetings, and he wondered if he didn't do a good enough job of leading him on. That was a persistent worry: that Ares had changed his mind. That he'd decided Riz wasn't worth his time and was going to retract his promise.

When they behold Gahren, at least Riz knows that he'll get his answer soon. Gahren itself is a gas giant, unlivable although beautifully and brilliantly red. The moons that surround it are mostly goldworlds that glitter as the ship approaches. It's all the lights on the ground, the sprawl of cities. Riz can't tell which one is which, nor does he know all the moon's names, but he can see which one they're headed for.

"How long do we have before we land?" Riz asks, and there's a tense moment of silence where nobody can answer- and they all understand why he asks.

Amello pulls him into a hug. "It won't be long," he promises, emptily. "You're going to do just fine."

It is, in fact, long. Riz appreciates that he can spend most of the bumpy ride down buried in Amello's shoulder. He ties himself to the present, to the safety they'd have to afford their idols, with the smell of caramel and pancakes.

Eventually, the shaking stops, the engines die out soon after. The others had been talking, while Riz was hiding from the world, and when he can hear their quiet voices only, he knows it's safe to open his eyes. Amello's hand still moves in casual circles on Riz's back, out of sight of the cameras, whether they're on or not. Unlike Kiel, unlike Colian, Riz doesn't know that Amello is waiting to say things where they can't be heard- but he has to mean something by that touch. He has to at least be saying that it's not all just for the camera.

Riz's relief as he peeks through the window and sees ground- however far away- is genuine. He lays on the floor and mutters, "we didn't die. We didn't die."

He hears Wrenley's quiet laugh, but immediately footsteps from down the hall tell them to shut up without saying a word. All three managers walk differently- Sonja's heels clack, Ares walks near-silently in expensive loafers- so when they can hear what Riz would best describe as careless thumping, the heavy walk of someone who wants to announce their presence, they can tell it's Paloma.