Right Back After This

Episode 30

Riz lays on Colian's chest, hears his jaw beep once, and curses under his breath. "Ten minutes," he says. "...I should probably get back."

"If I could find a way to free you from this," Colian mutters, "I would."

Riz cringes, hearing those same words in Ares' mouth. "I don't want to go. I would if I could but I can't."

"I understand," Colian says quietly. "I am simply being idealistic. We are all bound."

If only making Ares understand that was just as simple.

Colian walks him back, but as soon as the resort is in sight again, he slinks off over the sand dune, leaving Riz to return alone- although he does risk a single kiss goodbye. Riz hears his mic beep for five minutes as he's sidling up to his door. He slides into bed beside Kiel, and Kiel turns over, seemingly in his sleep; but the evenness of his breathing doesn't quite trick Riz.

Under the thick blanket, Riz lays his arm casually over Kiel's, and Kiel's nails dig into the sensitive skin of his forearm. It could be jealousy, and it could be fear. It could be a warning not to stretch his luck too far, and it could be solidarity. It could be a promise.

It could be anything, because all it really means is what every look and action between them has ever meant. 'I have to tell you something.'

The good thing about never quite sleeping right, or for long enough, is that one moment Riz is wondering what Kiel's trying to say, and the next he's blinking his eyes open to sunlight. He thinks he remembers closing the curtains before he left, but they're wide open now, showing the whole stretch of beach that functions as a main road up through this resort. Riz is realising that the light isn't the only thing that woke him- the sounds of conversation behind his window contributed- as he sees the faces peering in. There's a girl not much younger than him, with the sort of tiny button nose that's almost always a result of plastic surgery and eyes as unnaturally, surgically pink as his, grinning wide white teeth and waving at him.

He's sleepily, yet instinctively, raising his hand to wave back as she turns around, responding to a tap on her shoulder. Riz doesn't see the person who yanks her away- although she can't be stopped from waving as she leaves.

"Kiel," Riz says quietly, rubbing at his eyelids. He waits to speak until he can process what he's saying- until he can figure out how to warn Kiel without signalling externally that that's exactly what he's doing. "Wake up."

"Don't wanna," Riz thinks is maybe what Kiel says from under the sheet. Maybe he knows precisely what's going on.

"Come onnnnn." He turns over, leans down, ambiguously close, loving in this moment that he can play stupid, as if he doesn't realise the extent of their contact. He presses against Kiel's shoulder over the covers, but under them, he rubs their legs together. "Wake up. I've got a feeling it's going to be a good day today."

"Oh, you've got a feeling?" Riz takes the sharp sarcasm as proof that he's understood the message. He's understood 'I have to tell you something', and can infer the rest. "I've got a feeling you're an annoying piece of shit and I'm going back to sleep."

Riz frowns. Some part of him imagines for a moment that Kiel means it, and that makes his hurt feel substantive as he says, "you're so mean. Suit yourself."

Of course, he can't rely on his emotional responses; he never has, and never can. His emotions are whatever the viewers want them to be, and he's hyperaware of that now more than ever- when there isn't even the distance of cameras to hide behind. He knows exactly who was at his window and why.

He tries to focus on the shower when he's in it. That it's hot water falling down on him in the kind of warm comfort he never experienced until his first day on Arbo, that it relieves his tired muscles as if the water is magical, that it smells like gorgeous minerals. If he listens to the drops hitting the black stone tile at his feet, maybe he won't hear the voices outside- especially not the one that's calling his name, especially as there's a banging on the cabin, someone locating him perfectly from the other side of the wall. He can't help himself from jumping back at the noise; fear can't be protected from like most of his emotions.