Miss Me; When I'm Gone (editing)

CHAPTER 10 (Blair)

Blair

I stood at the door in wonder, long after Travis had left. I didn't understand why he thought I was worth helping, but he did. An unfamiliar feeling of warmth spread through me. I was afraid to move. I didn't want this feeling to vanish. I liked it too much. So I stood perfectly still and enjoyed it.

I was still gripping my phone in my hand. He had taken bit from me and added his number to my contacts. He'd even taken a photo of the boots he was wearing so that it would appear on the screen when he called. I wouldn't have to worry about trying to read his name. I would know who was calling.

Smiling I thought about the selfie that Owen had taken when he had added his number to my phone. He'd been very into getting a picture of himself. So different from the picture of Travis' boots. I didn't imagine Travis had ever taken a selfie.

I liked Travis Miliani. I liked him a lot. Even more than Owen. In a very different way. And I knew that wasn't a good thing. Travis was nice to me, but he didn't like me the way I liked him. I could tell by the way he treated me.

Maybe that was why I felt so safe with him, because I liked him that way. I knew I'd never have to worry about him feeling the same way. He didn't liver here, after all. My heart sank.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I put my phone down on the sofa and walked into the kitchen. Getting worked up over this was silly. Travis was going to help me, and although I was worried that I couldn't be helped, I had to hope.

What if someone could help me? I wanted to believe that. It would change everything. I could do so much more. I could gebmy GED, and maybe I could even go to college.

With a newfound determination, I picked up my newest picture book from the library, and went to curl up on the sofa. I could get through this one today. I could do this. Travis had faith in me. I just needed more faith in myself.

Three hours later, I was almost finished with my book. My head ached, my eyes felt red and irritated from straining.

The knock on my door was followed by "yoo-hoo, babe. Its me. I've got pistachio ice-cream and two spoons."

Smiling, I tucked the book away under the sofa and went to let Owen in. He was smiling a little too brightly when I opened the door. Holding up two spoons, he sashayed into the top as only Owen could do, and still look good. I closed the door and turned to loom at him.

"I'll admit it now, this is a bribe. I want to know all about your interactions with Travis Colt Miliani. Every last, delicious detail. Indulge me, please. That man stars in several of my fantasies." He said, and a laugh bubbled up out of me.

Owen winked and sank down on the sofa.

"Spill it, woman." He urged.

I walked over to him.

"I'm afraid, you're looking for juicy info that I don't have. Travis has been a nice guy. Nothing to feed your fantasies. I'm afraid."

Owen cocked an eyebrow.

"Really? Not one little kiss?"

"Uh. No." I spluttered surprised he would even ask such a thing.

He dug into the ice cream.

"That makes no sense. The man is straight. I'd know if he wasn't. And any straight, single man would be on you like white on rice."

He paused and let out a sigh.

"Damn that's it. He isn't single. Didn't think about that. Well, crap. I was so hoping you were going to get some action with a piece of grade A meat."

I cringed and laughed at the same time, but in my heartache, I didn't feel like laughing. I felt a little sick. Or deflated. The idea of Travis having a girlfriend didn't sit well with me. It wasn't like I thought I had a chance or that I even would have a chance. But he made me feel safe and normal.

"I figured you hadn't dated because you were picky and no one was up to snuff. Travis is up to everyone's snuff, so I thought you'd scored a winner. Sucks to know that ain't the case. Picking around here are slim. The hottie's are getting ticked off the list rapidly."

Owen took a big bite of ice cream like he was the one who was depressed over this situation. I had lost my appetite.

"I was so sure, too. He jumped up before Karleah could even get it out of her mouth to go find you and drive you home. The boy didn't even tell everyone goodbye. He just made sure to tell me that he wanted me driving you to your clients. He didn't seem to like you walking. Then he bolted."

Owen waved his spoon.

"Would have bet my left nut he was hot after your ass. And I really like my nuts right where they are."

On that note, I decided to take a bite of ice cream.

"There you go. Eat the creamy goodness, and let's talk about maybe you and me double dating. My man has a cousin who is fine. He lives about an hour away, but he is pretty damn close to grade A."

I started to open my mouth to stop him, but he held up his hand and made a tutting sound at me.

"Not so fast. Let me finish my hard sell here. He's a good guy. I know him, and I would be there with you. I wouldn't let anything happen, that you weren't perfectly ok with. He's refined. I think you'd like him. He's doing his clinicals right now, and he hardly has time for a life outside from the hospital. When he does go out, meeting women is still hard for him. He likes to keep his work sperate from his personal life. So he needs a date."

A doctor? There was no way I could date a man who was that smart. I couldn't even read the dinner menu. My hands would sweat and my vision would blur from panic. No, I couldn't. But Owen looked so hopeful. I hated this. I hated not being able to say yes. Not being able to meet new people and trust that if they found out, they wouldn't judge me or ridicule me.

"You need to do this, and I would be right there beside you. I don't want to know anything you you don't want to share with me, but I know something in your past is bad shit. I can see it in the way you live. I've been close enough and watched you enough. Every damn straight man in this apartment building has tried to get your attention. You flee like the bats of hell are on your heels. So you aren't hiding it from me. I see you and I think whatever is in your past that's screwing up the present needs to be laid to rest. I'm your friend Blair. Let's do this together."

This was too much. Two people in one day wanting to help me, and both of them men. A species I thought I'd never trust.

"Ok." I said, realizing I had to figure this out somehow.

Travis had made me brave today. He might not know his words had been a salve to my wounded soul, but they had been.

"But I need to know where we're going to eat before we go."

I wasn't going to explain why. I couldn't do that right now. Not yet. Owen beamed at me and nodded.

"I can do that. Hell, you can even pick the place. Just so you'll go."

I could look up the restaurant's website and print a copy of the menu. Then I could figure out something on it to order. If I was in the privacy of my apartment and alone, I could focus.

Maybe.