Miss Me; When I'm Gone (editing)

CHAPTER 35 (Travis)

Travis

I could die a happy man. I felt sorry for the other men in the world, because they'd never know what Blair looked like when she came. I did. She was mine. The urge to pound my chest was strong. I fought it off. But God, I wanted to.

Blair came out of the bathroom dressed in blue jean shorts and a pale yellow blouse that tied at the waist. She looked young and fresh. I wanted to take her back to bed and sink into all of it. Watch her get naughty and ride my hand like her life depended on it.

She'd given me enough today. I wasn't pushing her again. Not when we'd been so successful this morning. My talking to her and keeping her with me the whole time had not only worked, but it had excited her more. The more I talked, the more turned on she got. It was enough for now.

"When do you have to leave?" She asked, breaking into my thoughts and reminding me that I had to leave her.

"I wanted to talk to you about that," I said, wondering how to ask her to move in with me several states away. It sounded a little crazy, but honestly, I didn't care. She was my one.

Her brow puckered up, and she tilted her head as if waiting for me.

"I want you to move to... California ... With me... Into my house."

That hadn't been smooth at all. The way her jaw dropped open and her eyes turned into saucers, proving I had gone about this all the wrong way. Shit.

"Wh-what?" She sputtered.

I ran my hands over my face and bit back a growl of frustration. She made me just say shit. I got so worked up around her I couldn't think straight. I just blurted things out. I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted this woman in my bed every night for the rest of my life.

"You don't have a job apart from your gig at Karleah's, and you don't have family here. There's no reason to stay. I can get another reading teacher to work with you in Fort Footprints. That would be the only thing holding you here. I want you with me, Blair. I hate not having you close.

Those expressive eyes of hers gave her away. She liked the idea, but it also scared her. We were new. Outer friendship was almost two months old now, but as a couple, we were new.

"You want me there... With you," she said, sounding like she was lost in a daze.

"Yes," I replied firmly.

She fisted a section of her hair and looked around the room nervously. Then she began walking back and forth in a little circle. Almost as if she was pacing. I waited. She was thinking, and I wanted her to think about this hard. Then I wanted her to say yes and pack her bags.

"You don't... There's so much. I need time. We need time. I'm settled here, and I do have friends. I have Owen. I have a place that is mine. You can't... We can't just move in together like this. I hate when you leave, too, but... But Travis." She stopped walking and dropped her hands to her sides as if she was carrying the world on her shoulders.
"There is so much you don't know. And I'm not ready to tell you. So much that is inside me. It's dark, and it's... Not a place I want to take you. But I need time. We need time. Like this. When you come into town, we can spend more time together. And our night,y talks and my reading to you. And I like Dr. Vanwoodson. He's helping me, and I'm comfortable with him. I can't just go with you because I want to be near you."

Arguing with her was my knee-jerk reaction. I was good at debate. I could come up with a reason that all of that didn't matter. What stopped me was the pleading look in her eyes. She didn't want me to argue. She wanted me to let this go. I would. For her. For now.

"Okay. Then know that when you're ready, I will be, too," I finally said.

She let out a heavy sigh, then smiled weakly at me. "Thank you for wanting me."

Words I would take back to California with me, that I would carry like an ache in my chest every time I thought of them. My girl should never have to thank anyone for wanting her. Somewhere in her mind, she thought she wasn't worthy. That was what hurt the most.

Standing at her door after taking her to lunch and kissing her for more than an hour, I knew I had to leave her. Again. My world back home was calling. I had to go handle the ranch and the life I'd made for myself.

I held her tightly one more time and whispered into her ear. "Be safe. Take care of yourself. And miss me when I'm gone."