Miss Me; When I'm Gone (editing)

CHAPTER 42 (Blair)

Blair

The ringing of a phone woke me up. Sitting up, I looked around and squinted against the sunlight coming through the window. The ringing stopped, and I heard the shower running in the bathroom. Travis had left the door wide open. Was that an invitation to peek? Because I really wanted to see him naked and wet.

Grinning, I had thrown back the covers and started to get up when the phone dinged and vibrated on the bed. Looking around, I saw Travis' slim silver phone lying just below his pillow. I grabbed it. I could use that as my excuse for coming into the bathroom while he was showering. Not that he'd expect an excuse.

Knowing Travis, he was hoping I would. I covered my mouth to suppress a giggle, and his phone dinged and vibrated again. Someone was really trying to get in touch with him. I stopped grinning, and the idea that it could be an emergency hit me.

I glanced down at the phone to see a text message from someone named Ethan. I didn't mean to read it, but my eyes focused on the words her panties, and I couldn't stop myself. Sliding my finger over the screen, I opened the text message.

Ethan: Cel came by insisting she left her panties under your bed from the other night. She was determined to get hem. I let her in. But dude, she seemed pissed at you. You done fucking her?

I re read that text over and over. It wasn't my text to read. I was invading Travis' privacy, but I couldn't stop. Cel. Celeste. He had been on the phone with her before. He was.... He was fucking her?

Her panties....
The other night....

Oh, gosh. I was going to be sick. The urge to throw his phone against the wall and scream until the pain in my chest melted away was strong. How could he do this? My Travis was so good to me. He was sweet and thoughtful. He was patient with me, and he took care of me.

And he was... A liar.
I had trusted him.

Everything in my body went numb. Except for my heart, which had ruptured against my chest. The shower shut off and I finally moved from the spot I had been frozen in. I swiped my finger over the text message and paused a brief second to think it through before pressing delete. Then I out his phone back where he had left it. Without looking toward the bathroom, I walked out of the bedroom and as far across the apartment as I could. I stood in the corner furthest from him and waited.

He would come looking for me. I didn't want him getting close. I couldn't let myself think about the places he had touched me. When he was gone, he was touching her. She was having sex with him. It all made sense now. How are you are so patient with me. He didn't need sex from me. He was getting it regularly back in California. I placed a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming in agony. This was too much. I hadn't know it could feel like this. The sudden , brutal end of love. I have never loved before, but now that it was over, the pain was excruciating. I wouldn't do this again. Love. The happiness it gave you was a fleeting thing. It wasn't worth this. His body feel the doorway. Adele was wrapped around his hips, and his hair was still dripping water the child down his bare chest.

"Blair?" His voice was concerned.

He was concerned about me a lot. The broken girl who needed help. I couldn't read, write, or have sex. He was going to fix me. Is that what I have been to him? A project?

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked, as he began to walk towards me. I couldn't let him touch me. Not any more.

"No!" I screamed, holding my hand up to keep him back.

"Don't come near me," I warned.

He stopped, but the look in his eyes was one that I would have once thought was fear. I didn't think that any more. He didn't know what fear was. Or pain.

"Blair, what's wrong?" He asked carefully, studying me.

"Leave. I want you to leave. Don't come back. I don't want you here."

I held my hands up, but I turned my gaze to the door. I couldn't look at him, because my heart was confused. I thought I saw a pain in his eyes. I hadn't.  I had thought I'd seen a lot of things when he looked at me that I didn't truly see.

"Baby, what happened? Don't do this. Don't push me away. Let me come to you."

He thought this was because of my past. I could hear it in his voice. He was talking to the broken girl. The one he felt sorry for. The one he pitied.

"I want you gone. Get dressed and get out!" I yelled the last part.

He wasn't listening to me. I wanted him to leave. I couldn't stand here like this much longer. The shattering inside my chest maybe want to curl up and hold myself together.

"I'm not leaving you, Blair. You have to tell me what's wrong. I can help you-"

"No! I'm not your personal charity case. I was fine before you, and I'll be fine after you. But you need to leave! I'm calling the cops if you aren't out of here in five minutes."

Travis  started coming towards me again, and I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Jesus, Blair! What's wrong?" He was yelling now, too.

I level of my gaze on him. "You. You are wrong. You're wrong for me. I don't want you here. I want you to leave me alone. You forced me to do things I didn't want to do. You touch me in places I didn't like to be touched. I don't want to see you again. Ever. Just go!"

Saying those words hurt. They were a lie. He would know they were a lie, but I was desperate. It wasn't leaving. He wasn't listening. When I saw him turn and walk back away, I almost collapsed. He was going to leave me. The realisation that Travis was going to walk out that door and not come back destroyed whatever part of me was left.

I should never have loved. I wasn't meant to love I'll be loved. This was a lesson I should've learnt by now. I want to the numbness to spread, but it was fading. Loss engulfed me. If only I'd never known how it felt to believe I was special to someone else.

Travis reappeared, and he was holding his duffel in his hand. He walked what store without looking at me but stop just before I got there. Is that a close tightly, and let out and I'm steady breath. "I'm sorry", was all he said.

Danny walk to the door and opened it. Was one more long pause, he still there. I waited him to walk away and leave me here alone. Again.

"When you realise what you said and what you've done, call me. I'll be waiting. I want to hold you more than anything right now and help you get through this, but you won't let me near you. So I'm going to do what you want, because I can't fix everything for you. This time, you have to do it yourself. But when it sinks in that you are wrong, call me, Blair. I'll be waiting. I'll wait forever if I have to."

Then Travis Miliani  walked out of my door and out of my life.