Not planned...at all

Chapter 19

Maybe that way I could actually hear him speak?

Yeah cuz I'm so damn stupid I cut him off the one time he was gonna speak to me, things just get worse and worse...

And I'm spiraling, yay! Add that to the list of reasons I should've never met him. If it was any other character then I'd be nervous and awkward most likely but not to this level.

"I'm sorry..."

Of course my voice couldn't sound even just for a sentence. I was doing so well! Maybe not, but at least I didn't have a breakdown.

Right now I feel like curling up to disappear. His height is as cool, fun and shit until I feel like a mouse about to get crushed or eaten by the cats of the house.

"Whatever for? Go on what is that rugby thing you speak of?!"

My eyes go wide as I stare up at the imposing man that seemed genuinely interested in hearing me ramble on. Somehow he just fit the image of the bear-like guy with a teddy bear soul perfectly! I almost wondered if the expression came after him.

"You don't mind my rambling and... A-and you want me to explain rugby to you?"

My jaw might be hanging by now and I think Roxanne  could quite easily tell what's currently going through my mind, since I feel her arm wrap around my waist tugging me away.

"Nope, the answer is nope Nell! He's curious and doesn't know shit, he's not proposing. You cannot keep falling for this type of shot shows so easily! It's almost a taylored trap at this point."

"But...but he said..."

Asking about one of my fixations and telling me that I could ramble on was a marriage proposal right? At least in my books! Especially if he's as attractive as Cassian is.

"No he didn't! He asked about rugby, which by the way is her favorite sport, purely out of curiosity."

She gave Cassian a quick explanation of what rugby was leaving me disappointed I could no longer start an endless ramble on the subject.

"AND, Nell, he said it was no problem out of politeness! They don't mind you rambling because you're more likely to spill our secrets when you do."

My previous smile turns into a pout.

"But there's not even any secrets I hold worth listening to me ramble! Most of my top secret information the world would be a better place if kept blinded off. I have like 5 things they might wanna know the rest is gunk or traumatizing bullshit! You're the one with the good stuff I just remembered random funny things."

Trying to remember something useless I know or funny. Just anything really!

"For example, Azriel gets headaches when people are too loud or how Cassian used to bet other boys clothes to win something warmer for the winters and he beat Rhysand's ass on his first day! It's only fun facts none of it is really important or useful as a matter of fact...,"