IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE? || CHOSO KAMO ||

XXVIII

CHAPTER XXVIII
————————————————————

THE FOLLOWING DAY WAS WEIRD, I woke up to an empty bed and wasn't told that they had eaten breakfast.

Apparently, Kaori tried to call me down but Yuji insisted that I wanted to sleep, which wasn't a complete lie.

My fight with Choso last night left me drained and I just felt like spending time by myself for once.

I sat outside on the dock with a towel laid out beneath me.

I was in my swimsuit and had my sunglasses and sunscreen next to me.

The time alone was refreshing, and the simple sound and feeling of the water moving underneath me brought me closer to inner peace.

Unfortunately, inner peace is far away, seeing that I'm a terrible person.

I'm a terrible person for what I've done to Yuji, Suguru and Choso.

Neither of them deserved any of this, and even though Suguru may not be aware of it, I'm hurting for him.

I think it hurts especially badly because of Yuji.

He's my best friend after all.
Even though we haven't acted as such during our time at his family's house.

It's unfair, honestly.
It's unfair to him because he invited me to come with him, and now I assume he feels neglected.

And seeing that he has feelings for me, I'm sure it must sting a lot more.

All this time I've been so preoccupied with a man who doesn't even see us having a future together, that I've forgotten about the most important person in my life.

And I've done all of this for his stupid fucking older brother.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I ruined a friendship, my mental state and my dignity just to have sex with a man who doesn't see me as something more than just sex itself.

I've dug this hole so deep that I don't know how to repair it anymore.
Yuji resents me, I know it.

I feel it, I sense it, I see and I definitely know it.
I don't blame him, because it's not his fault.

It's my fault and I deserve this for being a shit person and making the stupid mistake of going back to his brother after I found out that I initially hooked up with him.

Maybe the situation would have been completely different if he weren't Yuji's older brother.

I could have A. Never met him again and lived my life happily ever after with my best friend and my boyfriend.

Or B. Met him and found out that he wasn't related to anyone. Then I would have to make the decision between him and Suguru, but I would still live happily ever after with Yuji still in my life.

But I got option C. Met him again and found out he was Yujis older brother. Now I have to go back home and live sadly ever after with my boyfriend and without my best friend or Choso.

Choso doesn't like me back, it's hard to accept but I should have seen it coming at least.

But there's one more thing.
I never got a truthful and proper answer to the question of whether or not he has a girlfriend.

I'LL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY.
————————————————————
@SCYKHS