IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE? || CHOSO KAMO ||

II.I

CHAPTER I
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I COULDN'T TELL YOU HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN, however, I am twenty-eight now.

My boyfriend, Geto Suguru is still my boyfriend.
Not my fiancé, nor my husband.

You could say that I'm unhappy since I feel partially neglected and I'm very lonely these days.

I regret abandoning the idea of a social circle back when I was still in university, but I did what had to be done.

My social life consists of seeing Suguru's best friends, but even that isn't fulfilling enough, since they're not exactly my best friends.

However, Suguru is a different aspect.

Our relationship is absolutely perfect, that's when we see each other that is.

And that's the thing, we don't see each other anymore.
It's not purposeful avoidance, it's because we just can't.

Suguru works ungodly hours, and it pays off when you live by yourself or have a partner who doesn't care for you and just spends your money.

I work from home, and my life simply gets boring and sad since I hardly socialise.
This isn't the life I imagined for myself at my age, but life puts you through things purely to get out of them, right?

I love Suguru, and he loves me too.
But his work is the reason why we're not engaged, let alone married by now.

Satoru and Ieiri have their respective husbands and wives, so what's stopping Suguru?
Work.

I can't emphasise it enough, I feel neglected, and he isn't doing it to me on purpose.

So, the only way to feel happy again is to get out of it, right?

I want to think I'm doing the right thing, I really do.

Suguru doesn't deserve this, Suguru doesn't deserve the unnecessary pressure of getting engaged to me while he's busy working his ass off to provide for the next forty years ahead of him.

It's late into the night, but that doesn't affect me since I've morphed my sleep schedule around the times Suguru leaves and comes back home from work.

Usually, he isn't in the mood to do much after work, and I understand that.
However, I need to speak to him, because this feeling deep in my chest needs to be liberated.

The door unlocks and opens, revealing a tired man, who looked somewhat pleased to see me waiting for him.

"Hey, sweetheart." he closed the door and kissed my forehead, which made me frown because, at the end of the day, I do truly love him.

"Suguru?" I looked up at him with teary eyes.

"What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" he took my hand, led me to our bedroom and sat me on the bed.

"Can we just have a chat about something?" I patted the spot next to me and he sat down, staring deeply into my eyes.

"Go ahead." he squeezed my hand.

"It's hard to say because I really do love us and what we have." I frowned and looked at the floor hopelessly.

"Are you going to go on about how we have to get engaged again?" his tone changed and now sounded irritated.

"No, the opposite in fact." I put out the fire and he immediately calmed down:

"Okay, I'm listening." he breathed deeply and squeezed my hand harder.

"I don't want to burden you anymore." it took a lot in me to tell him how I truly felt.

"What?" he was confused.

"You don't deserve the added pressure of being a boyfriend or a husband to your job. And I respect that." I came to terms with the truth.

"You're not a burden." he comforted me.

"I get that, but we don't see each other often, and I know we can't control that. But aside from all of that, I feel quite lonely." I tried to not tear up.

"Lonely?" he asked but seemed to get how I was feeling.

"I need physical attention, and I know that we can't resolve this issue easily." I felt defensive with my barriers up in case I said something wrong.

"I get what you mean, I understand that it's hard to talk about." he rubbed my leg and sounded sympathetic.

"I want to be with you for the rest of my life, but the rest of my life doesn't look very happy if I can't have you with me." I let my emotions crack through, and my eyes watered.

"I agree with you. It's just hard for me to leave you." his voice shook, and I looked at him, staring at his glistening eyes that were only illuminated by the moonlight.

"I don't want to leave you either Suguru. But it seems like the option that works best for us." I kissed his cheek softly, breaking out into a cry,

"I've never really spoken about this. But I'm not made to be a husband or a dad. And I'm sorry Y/n, I really tried my hardest." he sniffled and held back a sob.

"I know you did, Suguru. That's why I love you, and I always will, no matter what." I lay down and he lay next to me.

"I know what is coming, and I think it's for the best." he closed his eyes and I watched the tears stream down from his face.

"You think so? It's very hard to do." I got closer to him.

"You're the only person I've truly loved, but sometimes people have to move on with their lives, and I get that. Please don't wait around for me any longer. You've waited all these years, and I appreciate every day of each of those years." he held my body tightly and silently cried into my shoulder.

"I love you, Suguru." I stroked his black hair.

"And come back to me, come back to me if it doesn't work out. Don't go out further, you'll always have me to fall back down on at the end of the day." he pulled away to make serious eye contact with me.

"I promise I'll come back to you." I nodded while wiping my face with my sleeve.

"And maybe then we can live by that lake once we retire." he smiled softly and I erupted into tears.

"I'll come back to you, no matter what." I cried into his chest.

"You have a place to stay here for the time being while you get yourself together." he caressed my back.

"Thank you, my love." my voice was muffled.

"I love you always, Y/n," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you forever, Suguru." I parted from his chest to look at him once again.

I kissed him and cried, knowing that me loving him is ruining my life.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
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@SCYKHS