IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE? || CHOSO KAMO ||

II.VI

CHAPTER II.VI
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MY DINNER OUT WITH CHOSO WENT WELL, and somehow I found myself still with him even though it was way past midnight.

The thought of Suguru coming home to an empty house stood in the back of my mind, haunting me.
Because it isn't like me to stay out late to the point where I either come home after him or don't come home at all.
In fact, neither of those has ever happened.

However I simply cannot leave, my body and my heart are telling me not to, but my mind is screaming at me to.

I'm on Choso's couch, on top of him, kissing him softly. Which is something we never got to enjoy, since our previous relationship together was purely transactional and rushed due to not having the adequate time to take it slow in any way.

Suguru will have to come second this time.
Not just this time, I think he always came and will come second to Choso, which is shameful to admit now that I have him back in my life.

I feel parts of myself that I purposefully left when I was studying come back to me, and frankly, I feel uneasy because I have tried so hard to erase my past.

But when your past comes back to you in human form, it's hard not to revert to your old ways.

However I can't let that happen, I cannot let myself become the person I used to be.

The kiss started getting hotter and soon enough we crashed into his room and onto his bed, and all of these memories buried deep in the archives of my brain began revealing themselves.

"Aren't we rushing into things?" I tried laughing it off between kisses, however I was far too deep now.

"Please, can we?" he stared at me with this look that I had never seen before, and in his eyes all I could see was love and attraction.

And so, I didn't decline, I couldn't.

I lay next to him, feeling something that I had felt before, but had now become foreign to me.

We lay under his sheets, quiet and enjoying the stillness of the world.

"It has been a while since I felt like that," he spoke up and he put a hand on my bare thigh.

"It has," I replied with little emotion in my voice since I was still processing it all.

"Y/n." he turned to his side to face me and I did the same.

"Yeah, Choso?" I looked into his eyes and saw the same thing I had seen before.

"I want to be with you." he took my hand and smiled at me.

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows and was taken aback by his sudden statement, one that he had been hinting at for a while now.

"I want to be with you, I want to be the husband you never had, I want to live at the lake house with you, I want you more than any other woman I have met." he put his hand on my cheek and sounded so desperate for me.

"Don't lie to me, Choso." I frowned and pushed myself away from him.

"I swear, Y/n. I want to love you, I want to finish what I started." he pleaded with me and all the emotions in my body began surfacing.

"I don't want you to hurt me again." I held back a sob.

"I promise, I will give you everything." he pulled me closer and held me in his arms.

"I don't trust you." I shook my head as I let tears slip from my eyes.

"Please, Y/n. Let's try again," he whispered in my ear.

I looked up and stared at him face to face while I debated my answer, and after a sigh, I said it.

"We can try again."

I arrived back home far later than anticipated, and with a heavy heart, I peeked into my shared room with Suguru.

My heart dropped at the sight of him in bed, on his phone, almost as if he was waiting for me.

He turned his head towards the door and we met eyes, but he had too little energy to get up, so I just walked towards him instead.

I took my shoes and jacket off, and soon enough quickly changed into bedwear and joined him under the covers.

"Hey, sweetheart," he spoke softly and put his hand on my cheek and I frowned in response.

I felt my throat sting and my heartbreak at his words and simply began crying over the guilt I was experiencing.

He didn't react, he didn't say anything, he just held me as I cried into his arms.

I slept with another man and still came home to my longtime boyfriend who had already broken up with me but still stayed up, waiting for me to come home after him.

"I'm sorry, Suguru," I spoke without thinking, but amidst my tears and foggy head, an apology for my actions was the only thing I could offer.

I didn't know if he had any idea what I had done, and I felt scared because I was experiencing the same emotions that I was back in university.

He stayed quiet, staring at me tiredly but still had that hint of adoration behind his stare.

I was torn, torn between two men who I loved simultaneously.

I loved Suguru, I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.

But my heart lay with Choso, and he wanted to be with me for the rest of my life.

I was so fucking confused, these opposing feelings were scattering my morals and feelings.

I knew I couldn't be with Suguru, even if I loved him. It would have never changed our situation regarding his work and I would have lived countless years miserably.

Choso wanted to be with me, he wanted to marry me, live with me and give everything he couldn't have given me before.

And as I said, my heart lay with him, as it always had, regardless of all of the confusion, hatred, infidelity and harsh feelings.

SO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.
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@SCYKHS

a/n
4 chapters to go.
This book is not done.