𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆

𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌.

𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌.—-𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑭𝒊𝒇𝒕𝒚-𝒐𝒏𝒆

Playing doll by GIDLE

(Mentions of Sexual Assault and violence)

Speak.

Hyunjin never spoke up about what happened. He couldn't bring himself to. He should. Shouldn't he?

He should speak up about what happened. He should warn the other about how disgusting Jiho is. The person they associate themselves with is a disgusting male who takes advantage of others. He should tell them his pain, maybe even speak about his secret. Finally let it all go.

But he still can't tell Jiho to get off him, how could he even think about confessing.

He hates himself. He does. He hates the way his mouth won't open. Like it's been locked forever with a key that's sunk down deep into the pit of his soul.

He sits again, in the dark, thinking back on every moment he had suffered in his life. Every moment he was weak. Every moment he let himself be swept away by words when the actions were far from positive.

He's sat in the bathroom, head on the toilet bowl from the quiet gagging that took over his body. It's been a while since he's felt so used.

He hates himself so much.

He hates that he's so pathetic.

He wants to go home. He wants to be safe.

He wants his siblings.

He wants Yeji to come and comfort him.

He wants Niki to protect him.

He wants to just be on the roof, looking at the stars.

He doesn't want to be in that dark wardrobe but he wants to hear Yeji sing for him again.

A song wheezes out of his lips and he splutters another gag. His kept imagining it all.

Hand prints marred into his skin in red. Bright and burning.

He latches onto his last breath, scared he'll lose it and be left with nothing but the emptiness that reflects him on the inside. It hurts but he's numb at the same time.

He heard a thump, freezing where he is on the floor, scared someone will find him like this. Whether it's Jiho to finish what he started or the group of boys he found himself caring too much about.

After a moment, it's gone and he finds tears pouring more. They pour and pour.

But then there a realisation that accompanies his tears.

Something he had always known.

And that only brings dread,

Because not only has those tears brought something terrible

But he's also realised that no matter whether he opens his mouth or he cries

The water is spilling

And once it's stopped

He will be fully drained.

"So pretty. Like a flower." Jiho traces his finger over his hairline, smiling as Hyunjin doesn't make any movement to stop him. He hates that Jiho has taken to calling him that.

That name was one his siblings and his parents most used. He loved it and hated it. Because in truth that's what he was.

He wanted to cry again. Throw up. Jiho had cornered him again, this time under the guise of showing him around again only to have him pinned to the wall with disgusting intentions.