The world has fallen into the hands of greed and chaos and no one knows what to do. It's as though they are being punished by the God they once played.
The punishment for delving into higher powers man was not meant to touch. The punishment for the...
The French phrase referring to intellectual thoughts or the urge to engage in destructive behaviours during everyday life.
Examples:
Thinking of swerving into the opposite lane whilst driving.
The urge to jump off a cliff whilst standing in the edge.
After Hyunjin had confessed, they all made sure to talk to the three in the dark about Jiho. The mentioned was in bed rest, pain Everytime he moved. he was almost 'hospitalised' and immobile. Beomgyu was taking care of him whilst the group got their bearings and comforted Hyunjin.
After hearing what Jiho had done, Changbin had told the group to stay in the room whilst he talked to Soobin and the other two about Jiho. He had refused for any of them to be in the room, leaving no room for argument before he walked back in and told them that they would be setting out for the next town over.
It was more confusing when he told them that the other 3, save for Jiho who wouldn't be anywhere near them, weren't tagging along.
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I've been feeling under the weather. Why? I'm not really sure.
I had spent the first half of the morning hanging off Hyunjin. I guess we are somewhat friends now? To be honest, I like him, he's nice and he didn't deserve anything that happened to him. I suppose before this whole apocalypse we could have been friends if I wasn't so high off my ass all the time and he wasn't always drunk at parties. But hey? What a pair we are.
I couldn't help but stick to him now, not that he seemed to mind it I guess, almost welcoming the random tug on his shoulder as I laid my head on him.
I kept catching my brother staring every now and again. It was weird to say the least. He didn't even look like he had anything up in his head. Unreadable as moments he would just stare blankly.
He and Hyunjin would stare at each other when they could too. Like a secret silent conversation between their eyes but I was feeling too much like shit to try and decipher it.
As I stood currently, I was worrying about everything. My head hurt and I couldn't help but worry about every little thing.
I was worrying about Hyunjin one second, an ugly feeling ripping into my stomach as I recalled the moment he told us his past.
Then it was Minho. Hating my brother was hard. I won't lie and say it was easy to hate your own blood. But then I'd worry about him like we were close. It was strange. Because id imagine horrible things happening to him and feel bile crawl up my throat. With worry. Why was i worrying for him.
Then I worried about the group. Then I worried about myself.
I felt sick. I felt like such shit.
I felt like now, I was worrying every second of the day. Maybe it's why I clung to Hyunjin so tightly. As I said, I'm sure he didn't mind, taking any affection he could get. He still looked pale with the past. Perhaps I did also.
Apart of me wanted to cry. Like a child.
About so many different things. I was never a crier as I got older, the tears of my youth sealed in a broken faucet that I refused to open. But now I felt so irritable, like pressure was either, in my chest, throat or behind my eyes. It never released.
I felt like when you watch a sad animal video, pressure building in my eyes from sadness but it never went away or broke. That's how I felt.
Then I felt like hugging someone. Hyunjin in particular apparently, because I now didn't want him out of my sight.
I felt like I could either cry or shout. What's my problem.
What's Minhos problem too? He's got a staring problem apparently?
And for some reason, Jeongin also seemed to have a problem? Because he was looking at me too. Why? Like why was he looking at me? It was sort of pissing me off.
Why is everyone staring?!
It's making me so mad and I don't even know why?
I think why is most of our favourite questions. Why?
I felt so sick as I blankly blinked in the light of the dim room. We were waiting for Changbin to get back after his 'last' conversation with Soobin and the other....two.
Honestly Jiho can eat a fucking rat. We weren't allowed to go with for some reason, but I'm guessing it's because everyone in this room wants Jiho to bite the curb.
I'm included.
Why do I feel so violent?
I'm not....usually so violent.
I don't like violence.
I don't like it.
I shifted on Hyunjin's shoulder, coughing slightly as I clear my throat. It feels raw and I feel like I want water but my bodies so heavy that I don't want to get up.
I felt Hyunjin shift as well, the guy too lost in either his own thoughts or Minhos eyes but I can't be bothered to even ask him what's up.
What is happening?
I feel like I'm fixating on so many things too.
Like why is the movement of Jisung's fingers against the table top so interesting? Why are my tired eyes following the movement to a point?
Why is the way Jeongin's eyes flicker from each person in the room so interesting? Why am I counting how many times he looks at me?
Why is the way Hyunjin moves every moment interesting? Like am I shifting when he moves?
Why is Minhos facial expressions so interesting? Especially when he barely looks anything other than bland?
And why do I feel like slamming Jisung's hand on the table to stop the irritating tapping?
Why do I want Jeongin to stop looking at me, raising my voice at him to get him to fuck off?
Why do I want Hyunjin to stay in one exact position without movie, like he should be a statue?
Why do I want to throw something at Minho so he'll react?
Am I going insane or something?
Am i so sick I want to be destructive?
Why?
An:
Yall I apologise for these shitty updates and how bad they are when you guys wait so long. I don't know what's going on but trust I'm gonna try and be consistent again.🤞🏽 also I apologise this shit isn't proofread.
A bad bitch Neva gives up nor dies so someone explain this illness I have🤨🫵🏽
