Do You Know Where I Should Go?

Chapter 8

I sat on his swivel chair where he asked me to sit, feeling cold from the air conditioner mounted on the wall above me even though I still have Danes's jacket with me. I hugged myself, my arms crossed on my chest, I huffed.

"Who do you want to talk to?" he asked. "Attorney James, Sir James, or Kuya James?" 

I watch him sit at the swivel chair beside his'. "Depends." 

He cleared his throat. "Well?" 

"Kuya James." I replied, my voice shaking. 

He stood and turned the aircon warm before facing me again. "I think you should go back." he started. "ALPAS needs you." 

"I'm still an ALPAS Elite." I noted. 

"The team needs you, then." he shrugged. 

I cleared my throat, fixing my posture and looked up, playing with his chair. "Can't." 

"Skye, seryoso. Sige ka, makakarating ito kay Tita Reagan." he threatened, his eyes feeling desperate to get me back 'to the team. 

"Kuya," I raised my palm. "Alam na niya."

As I sat there, lost in thought, I couldn't help but reflect on how a single decision had changed everything. "Was I the only one being swept so far by the waves born of the single choice I've made?" I mused, feeling the weight of those words. It was incredible how one choice, one moment, had set off a chain reaction that carried me far from where I began, like being caught in a powerful current with no way to turn back.

He sighed, loosening his collar by undoing two buttons from his polo. Resting his back against the swivel chair, he spun it slightly, mimicking the way I had done earlier. "What do you do if after so many years, you're still not sure if you made the right choice?" 

"What?"

"What?" he echoed, raising a brow. 

I gulped. "Many choices in life aren't simple as being the right or being the wrong one. All we can do is to make the best choice we can at the time." 

He's staring, playing with his pen, so I continued. "Make the best choice we can, and not look back with delusions. That everything would've been great if we had chosen differently."

"So this is what you're fighting for?" he questioned. 

"Yes." I replied right away.  "I wasn't feeling like working with him is one, too." 

"Skye, you know I'm rooting for you. Especially when it comes to things like these." he talked after a minute of silence. "I want you to be your own voice."

"I am my own voice." 

He smiled. "Of course you are. Skylar isn't." 

I was taken a back with his sudden word. And it made me think why, and how did she got my place, then? Or was he telling this because he wants me to be the one who'll by any chance compete at the semi-finals?

"You mean?"

"She needs more practice. Experience. She needs more seminar before stepping on to that platform." he stated carefully. "The team needs you. And as your cousin, I want you to be there, too. I want you to be there to encourage people to speak. Freely." 

"I can't." I whispered. "Not when penultimate exams are coming. I can't just fit all of these in one plate." 

"I know." his lips formed straight. "After penultimate, that's when we'd start having it. I'll help you with anything. Just please go back." 

And then it hit me—I've been dodging opportunities left and right. No matter how hard they pursued me, I always stop just in time to decline each one.