Before Descended Afternoons

07

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

I awoke the next morning with a heavy sensation in my chest from my phone talk with my sister. I couldn't sleep properly, and as soon as I opened my eyes, all I could think about was how selfish I am for attempting to save myself from everything that is destroying me.

I wish I could have simply brought Nadi with me. I let myself be comforted by the thought that our parents' marriage could yet be saved. It hadn't occurred to me that it would lead to this. Because I didn't think it'd be easy for them to break what was joining them. I didn't realize it would be so simple for them to just split our family.
 
"Should I just... go back?" I asked Cooper, whose head is lying on my lap while I sit on the grass, my legs comfortably kissing it. I'm here beneath the tree, overlooking the lake. I couldn't see the hammock anymore. Maybe Jere took it with him already.

Pinagmasdan ko ang lake sa harap. A shade of green could be seen on its surface. I could see a man on a boat in the middle of it, and a family was having a picnic by the shore. It's like a tourist spot. Probably because it's almost summer. 
 
I want to go and buy a new book, but thinking about the book attendant in the bookstore, nawawalan ako ng gana. I should've bought more than two books when I went there last time. I don't want to see that face again. 
 
At this point, I'm torn between going downtown to buy a book or going back to the farm. It's much more peaceful on the ranch... but to think, again, that he could be there too is infuriating me. I want to see the treehouse to see if it's already fixed. If not, I could just do it myself and clean it. 
 
Both uncle and auntie are busy with their work kaya wala akong kasama pumunta. Hindi ko rin alam pa'no pupunta sa may bookstore without a car. If only I have my own bike... Napalingon ako sa may driveway nina auntie. The truck is there. Should I drive it? 

Tumayo ako at pinagpagan ang shorts.

"Cooper, let's go."

The dog followed me to the house. I know how to drive. But where am I going? I couldn't stay inside the room anymore. I just end up getting eaten by my thoughts... which was exhausting. I need a distraction.

I went to the truck only to remember that I don't know where the key is. I also had to contact uncle first that I'm gonna drive it. But he's at work and I don't want to disturb him.

"Aino." I turned my head to the voice and saw Jere, on his bike, making his way towards me. Cooper wagged his tail on him, greeting him.

I nodded at him. He got off his bike and bended his knees in front of the dog, rubbing its head.

"May pupuntahan ka?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Nakangiting sabi nito, ginagaya ang sinabi ko. I scoffed.

Tumawa siya. "Saan? Iiwan mo ba ang baby na 'to?" He added, playing with the dog's paw.

"I don't know. But I want to go somewhere."

He lifted his gaze on me as if he got an idea struck his mind.

"Galing kayo sa farm niyo di'ba? Kumusta pala?"

I crossed my arms. "It's fine."

He gave me small nods. "Masaya nga d'un. Tahimik."

I crouched and touched my nape. "What do you have in mind?"

"Gusto mo mag-beach?" He stood up.

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa narinig. I was excited by the thought but calmed down and didn't show it to him.

"Ah. With your friends?" I asked, playing with my fingers.

He stared at me, watching what I'm doing with my fingers. "Pwede naman. Pwede rin tayo lang."