Before Descended Afternoons

23

Being transparent about my own shortcomings is one thing I never infer from my life, yet here I am, stripped of everything—the faults, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities I have in store inside me—in front of a man.

I never thought I would come to a point in life where I could be like that to someone. I've decided to keep everything all to myself and never bothered even once to open up until I met Gi.

It got me thinking about how that was possible. Probably because he's a different case.

He's not whatever everyone seemed to be. He understood me in any way. He never failed to make me feel seen and heard. I never once felt I was a saint around him, and I could be just what I wanted to be when he's with me.

Sa kanya ko lang naranasan na mapakinggan. I solely confided in him, and he never passed judgment on me—instead offering support while I healed. He kept me afloat in my brain by being there for me no matter what. Whenever I felt fearful of the outside world, he would hide me behind him and comfort me.

He helped me assemble the broken fragments of me, that, after constant crushing, I had yearned to construct. He made me embrace myself after what happened to me. He made me accept everything... although step by step. He helped me have progress. I may be a punctured tire, but he's there, pushing me just so I could move forward.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako kung hindi siya dumating sa buhay ko.

That's the truth. He hasn't been beside me for a long time, but the time he had with me was enough to fill me. To complete me. It was enough for me to trust him more. I don't know how he could do it, but I'm grateful to have him with me. I'm glad I have a friend like him.

Perhaps that's why, in the wake of everything that transpired, I've been plagued by this thing inside of me day and night. As the days went by, it continued to grow and reach unprecedented heights, and if some were to ask me if there's a chance for me to consider it... I would say yes.

But I'm human. I guess after all that occurred, I'm still a person who could control what he could think, a person who could feel, but at the end of the day, I'm also a person who'll let himself get flown and be carried away like a leaf in the wind, well aware of the journey ahead but without knowing where it will go. Because he gets comforted by it.

I never told him anything. I didn't get into details. But he still knew. He found out on his own. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong magpasalamat na sa ganong paraan niya nalaman lahat dahil hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin talaga kayang magkwento sa kahit na sino. Masakit pa rin. Hindi ko pa rin kayang balikan... at isa-isahin lahat ng nangyari.

I had no idea you could be comfortable simply by having someone at your side who would not condemn you. When he let me lean on his shoulder that night and told me that I'm a person deserving of better things in life, it seemed like all of the weight had been lifted. He told me that I still had a lot of life ahead of me and that I shouldn't squander it by destroying it on my own, hence only making the perpetrators win.

That evening was not the last time we snuck away. Days and weeks passed, but nothing seemed to change with Auntie. She still doesn't talk to me, while uncle spends most of his time at work and on the ranch. She still couldn't accept what happened and how she didn't have an idea about it. I want to find out if they're still fighting, but I keep quiet, thinking it's not my place to pry.

Gi took me out to places I hadn't been before. We went to this one cliff; below it is the seaside near Lola's residence. We also went to the bookstore where he previously worked, which was owned by his grandfather. That answered the questions I had before. We also went to Mirasol and discovered that her wedding had been postponed, as had Jaja, who still dislikes me.