lovers - obx

~ three ~

"How do you feel?"

Katie looked up at Dr. Farling from across the room. How was she feeling? That was the dumbest question she'd been asked all week. She felt awful.

Her dad was dead, her ex-boyfriend continues to torment her, and she is a terrible girlfriend. It couldn't get worse, Katie thought. Unfortunately, she couldn't be thinking further from the truth.

"I don't know," She finally replied, "I don't know how I feel."

Dr. Farling nodded as she wrote down a few notes before looking back at Katie, offering a small smile. Katie didn't smile back. She didn't think she had anymore smiles in her.

"That's completely okay, Katie," Dr. Farling said, "It's actually more common for teens to not know how they feel than you think. Most of my younger patients need me to help them crack that shell to understand what they are feeling so they can feel it, and I believe that's what you need."

Katie internally rolled her eyes. Sure, her shell needed "cracking". No, it didn't. Her shell kept everything inside so she could live her life with her friends. She needed her shell.

"The issue is I don't want to feel what I am feeling," Katie admitted, "I don't know what I am feeling, but whatever it is I don't want to feel it."

"That's normal as well," Dr. Farling informed the girl, "Nobody wants to feel their bad feelings. It's human nature to try and push the bad feelings away and overshadow them with hyperactive happiness and enthusiasm. However, it is healthy to feel your feelings. It's not healthy to bottle everything up and breakdown when you're alone."

Katie internally rolled her eyes again. She knew exactly what Dr. Farling meant. She was trying to ger Katie to open up and feel her feelings instead of breaking down while alone and resorting to harmful stress relievers.

"Katie," Dr. Farling said, bringing Katie out of her thoughts, "I want you to be honest with me. I won't send you to a psych ward because I believe you are capable of self control when it comes to your breakdowns. However, I want you to tell me how finding out about your father's passing mad you feel."

Katie gulped nervously and began fiddling with her hands. Dr. Farling stood up and took a seat next to Katie. She grabbed her hands and held them in her own.

"Think of me as a friend and not your therapist," She said, "I'm here for you, Katie. I want to help you."

Katie looked into Dr. Farling's eyes. There was a sense of hope behind them, hope for Katie. Maybe she wasn't a hopeless cause afterall.

"When I found out my dad was dead, I wanted to die," Katie said, "Honestly, I wanted to grab Luke Maybank's gun and shoot myself right there on his porch so I could be with my dad again. But I didn't. I just left, and went to the beach."

"Okay, why did you decide against the gun?" Dr. Farling asked, still holding Katie's hands.

Katie secretly enjoyed it.

She sighed before she spoke again, "Because, I knew I had people at home waiting on me," She said, "My friends, my brother, my boyfriend...they were all waiting on me to come home, and if I didn't...I just know it would kill them."

"And why is that?"

"They call me the sunshine of the group, most of the time. JJ cannot live without me. I've basically imprinted on him, and he's imprinted on me. I want to marry him so bad someday. He's the love of my life. Oh, and John B, my brother. He would be absoutely devestated if I died. He would be the first to take his own life to be with me. I know he would. He loves me too much for his own good, especially after everything that has happened to me. Kie would be a wreck, and so would Pope. I don't think any of them would know how to go on without me, honestly. I think they'd all be lost."

Dr. Farling smiled as she let go of Katie's hands and gave her a small applause. Katie laughed nervously.

"You just felt your feelings," Dr. Farling said and she sat back in her chair, across from Katie.

"What?" Katie asked, extremely confused.

"You just felt your feelings about your father's passing," Dr. Farling said, "Didn't you feel the pressure and tenseness just roll off your shoulders as you spoke to me? Spoke the truth, even? I saw it visibly."

Katie scoffed, "I guess I did feel it, a little bit."

Dr. Farling nodded.

"I'm proud of you, Katie," She said, "Really. It's not always that easy to crack my patients."

Katie smiled at the woman sitting across from her. She couldn't deny that it felt good to express her feelings to someone she knew she could trust. As she spoke to Dr. Farling, she could physically feel the weight of her emotions lifting off of her shoulders, and it felt great.

"Alright, you are free to go," Dr. Farling said, "I'll see you next week."

Katie nodded as she stood off the couch and moved toward the door. She stopped before leaving and turned to face Dr. Farling.

"Thank you," She said, "Thank you for letting me and getting me to talk. I really needed that."

"It's what I'm here for," Dr. Farling said, "And remember, I am only a phone call away if you need me before Thursday."

Katie gave a quick thumbs up before slipping through the door. She met John B in the lobby and they walked outside to the van.

"How was your appointment?" He asked as they hopped into the van.

"It was good," Katie said, "For the first time since I walked into that office, I actually feel like I'm getting somewhere."

John B smiled at his sister and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm glad," He said, "I'm also glad were starting to get happy Katie back. I missed her."

Katie smiled softly.

"My wounds are closing up and healing," She said, "I'm becoming the girl I used to be before Rafe completely destroyed me. I love it, and I love me."

"That's my girl," John B said.

The siblings shared another smile before John B started up the van and began their journey back to The Cut to meet up with their friends for a beach day, suggested by Katie and Kie.

---

author's note:
katie is healing, finally. i decided to finally give her a healing path because so much stuff has happened to this poor girl and i don't think she can take anymore.

word count: 1,074 (includes author's note)