Dance with me darling

olivia

Milly and Tara aren't in the room when I wake up but the air smells like cigarettes and coffee so I know they're probably just downstairs trying to get over what happened last night, so I peel myself off the bed and run my fingers through my knotted hair and make my way down the stairs.

But I stop in my tracks when I hear a man's voice. It's muffled and sounds like it's coming from the kitchen but I can make out parts of what he's saying.

"Tara I swear the God, I know she didn't fall, I'm not fucking stupid... tell me what happened"

My heart starts racing. It's Van. I quickly turn around and run back upstairs and when I get to Milly's bedroom, I grab her makeup bag and lock myself in the bathroom, but when I look up at the mirror my mouth falls open and my jaw almost hits the floor. My eye has a dark purple circle around it and just under the bruise is a gash full of dried blood. The side of my face is swollen and the corner of my lip is slightly cut open. I look like I've been in a boxing ring.

I grab a cloth and run it under the tap to wipe away some of the dried blood but it hurts to touch my skin or anywhere around the marks but I know I can't step foot out of this room with a face like this so I work through the pain and wipe away what I can. Once I'm satisfied, I take some concealer and gently dab it on the bruise, blending it into my skin so that it's not as obvious. It'll never cover the entire thing but at least it won't look as brutal as it did before.

I'm so scared to face Van. My heart is pounding against my chest with every second that passes by and I can hardly even finish my attempt at covering up what Nick did to me because my hands are shaking and they just won't co-operate with what my brain wants.

As I'm patting the setting powder into my skin, I hear a knock on the door and I almost fall to my knees with fear. There's only one person I know that makes a tune with his knuckles against the door.

"Liv I think you should open this door now and explain to me why the fuck you lied to me last night" he says. Venom laces his words and I feel them slipping through the door and seeping into my wounds. I've seen Van angry but this is a new type of anger to me. An unfamiliar type of fury.

I hesitate as I hover my hand over the lock. I don't want to open the door and end up with a black eye on the other side.

He rattles the handle and starts banging on the door so hard that I can hear the wood splitting.

"Open the fucking door!" He shouts.

"Okay, jesus fuckin christ" I try my best to make it seem like I'm not fearing for my life. I know my brother would never hurt me or deliberately say something to upset me, but I've never lied to him about something like this before so I have no idea how this is going to go down.

I don't even have time to open the door, because as soon as I turn the lock, Van comes flying into the bathroom and the door slams into the wall. Thank God for that door stop.

"Why would you lie to me?" He asks, not even giving me chance to talk. I can tell he's upset, but he's more angry than anything else.

"Why would I tell you what happened?" I defend myself, making my way over to Milly's desk to put her makeup bag back where it belongs, "you really think I'd just tell you and let you get yourself arrested for murder?" I try to make a light hearted joke but it clearly doesn't amuse him. If anything, I think I made him angrier.

"Oh come off it Liv" Van shakes his head, "stop acting like this shit isn't bothering you... you can make jokes all you want but it doesn't change the fact that you were assaulted last night by your fuckin' ex boyfriend... I mean fuck, look at your face Olivia!"

"I didn't tell you because it's not a big deal, Van" I lie, hoping he doesn't see through it, "It was an accident, he pushed me a little too hard and I lost my balance"

"Fuck right off, no you didn't" he walks back into the bedroom and sits down onto the bed, dropping his head into his hands, "why are you lying to me, Liv?"

"I don't know what else you want me to say!" I really don't want to have this conversation anymore. All the shouting is making my head throb and I feel like I'm about to throw up.

"Tara just told me exactly what went down" he looks up at there's tears in his eyes, "and then I come up here to get it out of you and you lie to me... again"

He's staring at me now but I don't meet his eyes. I look down at my bare feet and focus my eyes on the indents that the straps of my heels made in the top of my toes.

"You need to tell Sam what he did to you" he says, a warning tone in his voice, "I'm not gonna let you lie to him too, so you either tell him... or I will"

"I can't tell him, Van" I shake my head. I refuse to let Sam get hurt because of me.

"You have to... look in a fuckin mirror Liv, he's not blind... as soon as you walk through your door he's gonna see right through all that shit you just put on your face" Van walks towards the door but before he can walk out I slam it, closing us both in the room.

"No... He'll get himself killed" I can feel tears pricking my eyes now but I don't want to cry, I don't want Van to feel like I'm just guilt-tripping him. I genuinely cannot let Sam find out what happened.

"Olivia... c'mon you can't lie to him... not about something like this" he lowers his voice and the anger is replaced by disappointment. I don't know which is worse.

"I won't tell him... I can't" I lean my back against the door, resting my head on the wall beside me.

"All we want is to keep you safe and to make sure you're okay... but you were pushed over by an abusive asshole and he ruined your face and then you come home and you lie to me about what happened... and now you wanna lie to your own fuckin boyfriend too?"

"Van you don't understand-"

"This is what happens when you bullshit your way through life, Olivia... you can't just expect us all to believe you fell over in a night club and ended up with a black eye and a massive fuckin cut on your face... it's fuckin crazy to me that you even thought for a second that we'd believe you" Van spits, pushing past me to open the door, "And Nick deserves every punch Sam throws his way... you should've left him when I warned you the first time"

His words cut deep like a million knives through my heart. I get that he's angry, but making it out to be my fault is just harsh. I know I shouldn't lie to people, and I feel bad that I lied to my own flesh and blood but for him to haunt me about my relationship with Nick like that is just out of order.

"You need to tell Sam or else I'll do it myself" he throws one last dagger through my chest and barges me further out of the way.

He slams the door behind him and I drop down onto the chair behind me. I need to figure out some sort of escape plan. A way to make Van stay out of this whole situation. I can't let him tell Sam. I know what he's like, he'll try to be the hero and hunt Nick down like a mad man and he'll either get himself arrested or killed. And I hate both of those options.

Sam isn't a fighter, he told me himself that he hates conflict, and Nick is so much bigger and he has so much more experience than Sam at knocking people out. I've seen Nick fight and he doesn't give in easily. He used to throw people out of pubs by their arms and legs just because they looked at him funny. He used to square up to people with his chest pushed out and if they even dared to push him back, they'd wake up black and blue. He's an aggressive man and he always has been, right down to his core.

I should've listened to Sam when he told me not to go out. I should've stayed home and cuddled up in bed with him while we watched movies and ate a shitty takeaway. None of this would be happening if I just listened to him, I wouldn't have to lie to the people I love about why I look the way I do.

But I did lie because I didn't want Van or Sam to start throwing punches at people just because they hurt me. I lied because I didn't want Sam to find out that I'd even seen Nick. I didn't want Sam to be mad because he told me to just stay home last night and rest after the long flight but I told him I was fine and that I wanted to see my friends. The guilt weighs heavy on my heart but it's not like I meant for this to happen. It's not like I called Nick up and asked him to throw me to the floor.