The Lavender Butterfly

Chapter 23

Lovestruck euphoria. Incapacitating anguish. Crushing misperception. I was everywhere and nowhere all at once. “What even happened moments ago?” I thought. I was drowning in my own thoughts, attacking me all at once. Just moments ago, I was experiencing the ecstasy and pure bliss of a young girl falling in love for the first time, and now here I was, sobbing uncontrollably in a dark corner. I wondered how I had gotten here, to this moment. I felt like I was trying to navigate through a maze. A labyrinth of my own mixed-up emotions. I felt like had flown too close to the sun, and I was about to get burned. Or maybe I was blowing things completely out of proportion. I didn’t know. The more I thought, the more confused I got. I opened my eyes and looked down at my tear-stained dress. I took one deep breath in and exhaled. Maybe if I tried to calm myself down, I could think this through more clearly. The feelings I had out there with Evan were very real. I could not think myself out of how I truly felt. Something magical happened out there on the dance floor, and I couldn’t deny it. I could deny myself a future with Evan, but would I later regret it? I could be walking out on what could be my true love. Sure, we were both still very young, but those feelings out on the dance floor were undeniable. Yet I was still a few days removed from being a man, a male friend of Evan’s. I still couldn’t get over how my life had been completely turned upside down. What was I supposed to do? I know that Chris was a think of the past, and he wasn’t going to be back. My present and future was just Olivia, and I had to embrace it. Still, I felt that the weight of this decision felt like it weighed one hundred tons. I burst out sobbing uncontrollably again. Suddenly, I heard panicked footsteps racing through the halls. It was Evan. He ran past me, but he stopped in his tracks when he heard me crying. “Olivia?” he said with great concern. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Are you okay?” I looked up at him standing above me, then I buried my face in my dress. “Please, just go,” I said, still sobbing into my dress. Evan sat down next to me and tried to comfort me by wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “I’m not going to go. I can’t leave you here crying,” he said. “And Olivia, listen, if things were moving too fast out there, I’m terribly sorry. We can slow things down. It’s just that…” I slowly raised my head as he was speaking. “…It’s just that I’ve never once felt any way about anyone like I do about you. I feel that ever since you came into my life, my head has been floating.” I looked him in the eyes and sniffled as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. “I know,” I replied. “Mine has too. I’m sorry I ran out on you like that…..I’m just…..I’m just…..absolutely terrified.” Evan embraced me, comforting me. Despite feeling so fearful at this moment, I felt so warm and safe in his arms. “Olivia,” he said, starting to tear up himself. “To be honest, I’m terrified as well. I feel like now that you are in my life, I don’t ever want to lose you. And that’s what scares me most.” “I feel the same way, I just want to be with you,” I replied. Evan looked me straight into the eyes and spoke softly to me. “All I want, is to be with you forever.” I smiled in response. I started to raise my hand to my face to wipe my tears, but Evan reached out and held that hand tenderly as he used his other hand to wipe the tears from my cheek. I smiled, as I took my hand and wiped the tears off his cheek. He smiled, as we both started to laugh. As he caressed my cheek gently, I swore I was going to melt in his arms. I gazed into his eyes longingly. I never wanted this moment to end. All of my apprehensions I had about getting closer to Evan had all but disappeared. At this moment, I had established to myself that this is what I truly wanted. Even looked serious for a moment, as he held both of my hands gently. “Look,” he said “I know this seems like this is moving too fast, and maybe I’m a fool for what I’m about to say…..but Olivia…..I love you,” he said with endearing emotion. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. My eyes lit up and I smiled, as I brushed his cheek gently with my hand. “You’re not a fool. I feel the same way. I love you too, Evan,” I said with a smile, watching Evan’s face light up and a huge smile rise on his face. I continued, “And yes, this is moving too fast, but…..I don’t mind. I just enjoy being with you.” Evan leaned in gently as he continued to caress my cheek. He started to speak slowly, “No matter what happens, I just want to be by your side……forever.” I felt like I was in a trance as I gazed deeply into his eyes. He leaned in closely and placed his lips against mine. He pulled away slightly, both of us a little in disbelief of what had just transpired. I closed my eyes and leaned in and placed my lips against his, as I brushed my hand on his chest. Our lips were both locked as we embraced tenderly. We kissed passionately for at least a few minutes. A few minutes that felt like an eternity. I pulled my lips away and proceeded to lay my head on his chest, as he gently stroked my hair. I looked up into his eyes and he gazed into mine in response. We both smiled and laughed out of pure giddiness. Evan looked at his watch. “I hate to say this, but we should probably head back into the ballroom soon. Our parents are probably going to send out a search party if we don’t on there soon,” he said. I nestled my head against his chest and laid there peacefully with my eyes closed and said, “Just a few more minutes…”