The Lavender Butterfly

Chapter 48

“Hey, wake up sleepyhead,” Meredith’s voice rang out in my head. “Olivia, you have to wake up, it’s your big day and you’re going to be late!” she continued. “Mmm……just let me sleep a little longer,” I mumbled with a yawn. “Come on, you’ve waited your whole life for this day, and you’ve decided to sleep in?” another voice echoed in my head. It sounded like Stella’s. I had been waiting for several weeks to come home, but I wouldn’t say I’d been waiting for my entire life! “Okay, that’s it, it’s time for you to get up right now, young woman!” Meredith said firmly as she shook my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw Meredith, Stella, and another young woman hovering over me. It took me a moment to figure out who the woman was, but it looked like an older version of Chloe. About ten years older, perhaps. “Finally, she’s awake!” Chloe rang out excitedly. “I’ll go tell the others!” Chloe chimed as she left the room. Stella tugged my arm and pulled me out of bed. “Come on, Olivia! We’ve got to get you dressed, do your hair, put on your makeup, and we’ve got no time to do it because you’ve decided to sleep in so late!” Stella frantically shrieked. I scanned the room and saw a wedding dress hanging from the closet door. “Was this my wedding?” I thought to myself. I felt that I was witnessing my own future. It made more sense now after seeing Chloe as a twenty-something aged woman. If this was a wedding, who was it that I was to marry? I gave Meredith and Stella a puzzled look. “Olivia, seriously, you don’t want to keep your groom waiting,” Stella said firmly. “Groom?” I said confusedly. I could think of only one person. It had to be Evan. That night of passion we had the night of the ball. We may have been very young, maybe too young, but I knew I was in love. I began to feel that I was going off the deep end with my thoughts. The feeling we had that night at the ball felt genuine, but I felt that I was pushing too hard with these thoughts of us getting married. I felt that I needed to slow down, and suppress my thoughts, for now at least. That didn’t change how I wanted to see him again. Just once, I wanted to give him a loving embrace and feel him cradling me lovingly. “The groom,” I said, “I want to see him,” I continued. “Now Olivia, you know it’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding,” Meredith scolded. “No, I just want to see who I am marrying!” I said frustratedly. Stella gave me an amused look. “Olivia, did you hit your head or something? You know that it’s Ev-“ “Everyone is here! They’re all out there waiting!” Chloe yelled, interrupting Stella as she barreled into the room. All at once I felt dizzy, like the room was spinning. I felt that the gravity of the situation at hand was pulling me down. I had to lay back down and close my eyes. “Olivia!” Meredith shouted. “Olivia, you have to wake up! It’s time to go! Olivia?” she repeated. I opened my eyes and saw Meredith hovering over me. I was back in the plane. Meredith gave me a playful grin. “You really are a fool in love, aren’t you?” she said amusingly. “Huh, why?” I replied. She laughed. While you were sleeping, you had a little smile on your face, repeating, “Evan……Evan…….Evan….” she said, puckering her lips and making smooching noises. “Mom, stop it!” I pleaded. “Hey, you said it!” she replied. “Anyway, we just landed. Grab your stuff, it’s time to go home,” she continued. I looked around at the half-emptied plane, vision still blurred from being awoken from my nap. People were still making their way to the exits, but I felt a bit embarrassed that I slept through the landing. I supposed that I was enjoying the dream that I was having. I reached up and grabbed my stowaway bag and we made our way back into the airport. As we waited for my other two bags of luggage to arrive at baggage claim, Meredith and I discussed our plans for the rest of the day. “What are we going to do when we get home?” I asked Meredith. “Well, it will be fairly late by the time we get home, we’ll probably just sit down, have supper, and unwind for the evening. Tomorrow, we’ve got to plan for our Fourth of July barbeque.” In the midst of the whirlwind of the past few weeks, I completely forgot about our yearly tradition. Every Fourth of July, Meredith and I would invite some of our friends and family over to grill, play games, and socialize in our backyard. Stella and her kids would always come, and we’d usually see a lot of other friends and family show up for our yearly barbeque. I looked forward to it every year, however I was wondering how it would work this year. Normally I would do all the grilling, however Chris, or my old self, was gone. I still knew how to grill, I know full well I still could grill seasoned burgers, bratwursts, and hot dogs, however I thought that people might think it was strange that a 13-year-old girl would be so skilled at grilling. I didn’t really want to think about it at that moment, as I was more focused on getting back home. As my luggage came around the conveyor belt, I grabbed them and started to wheel them through the airport and toward the entrance. As we stepped outside to the drop-off area, I was in for a bit of a shock. I had spent so long living in Florida that I had gotten accustomed to the Florida heat and humidity. It felt strange to walk back into the Chicago air. It was mid-summer, so it was still very warm, but the sweat factor just wasn’t there. The lack of humidity in the air was somewhat of a relief compared to the sweltering heat of Florida. “Taxi!” Meredith shouted as a minivan taxi slowed down and pulled up in front of us. I loaded my luggage in the back as I joined Meredith in the backseat. “Where to?” the taxi driver asked as he turned back toward Meredith. “We’re heading to Winnetka,” she replied. “Okay, on our way,” he said as he turned back around and started to drive. “It….it feels weird,” I said, as I was looking out the window, scanning the familiar landscape. Meredith looked at me and smiled. “You’ve been gone a long time. You’ve been through a lot over the past few weeks,” she said. “Yeah, I’m glad to be back. I miss my friends already, but…..I’m excited to see everyone again,” I replied. “Yeah, everyone here has been missing you a lot,” she said. “I haven’t told anyone that I was bringing you home, so they’ll be in for a big surprise tomorrow,” she continued. I smiled. “I can’t wait,” I said joyfully. I felt a great feeling of warmth as we pulled into our neighborhood. “Here we are,” Meredith said as we exited the van. Meredith opened the front door as we walked into the house. Home sweet home. I looked around the foyer and felt giddy with happiness. A feeling that I finally made it. Everything that had happened over the past few weeks, the many obstacles I faced, the seeming impossibility that I would ever make it home, yet here I was. I walked through the house and scanned the living room, the kitchen, and the dining room. It was an eerie feeling, like it was the first time I had been in this house before. I felt that the house seemed a lot bigger than I remembered, however seeing as I was about a foot shorter than I was before, it all made sense. I made my way up to the bedroom and fell backward onto the bed and let the blankets envelop me. Meredith walked in and gave me a warm smile. “You know, this isn’t going to be your room anymore,” she said. “I know,” I replied. “I’ll let you sleep in here until we get your room all set up. I think we can turn the guest room into your room,” she said. “Sure thing,” I nodded in reply. I liked the idea of having my own room again. I walked over into the guest room and took a look around. I envisioned my old bedroom back when I was a teenaged boy living in my parents’ house. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the setup. I had my bed on one side of the room, a desk with my computer in one corner, my guitar and amplifier in another corner of the room. There were a couple shelves mounted on the wall, filled with books and boxes of my collection of baseball cards. One wall of the room was adorned with Chicago Cubs posters, while the other wall had a giant Pink Floyd poster with a black light above it. It was a bit of a strange setup, to be honest, but I loved to hang out in there, as the room was uniquely me. It felt like a bit of a throwback. It was exciting to think that I could make this space my own as I did when I was a teenager……the last time. As I was daydreaming of how I would rearrange the space, Meredith walked into the room and hugged me from behind. “It feels really nice, having you back home. It certainly wasn’t what I had in mind, but I think I’m going to love raising you in this house as my daughter,” she said. I looked at her and smiled. “Hey, if you’re hungry, I can go downstairs and pop a lasagna in the oven,” she continued. “That would be great, Mom, I’m starving!” I replied. We went downstairs and I began to prep the table while she worked on the lasagna. I lit a candle on the dining room table for ambiance. “Look Mom, we’re going to have a fancy dinner, just like we had at Mama Cosetti’s!” I said excitedly. “Don’t you start calling me Mama Cosetti,” she replied jokingly. We both shared a laugh. We enjoyed a nice dinner together. After which, we cuddled on the couch together and watched TV until it was time for us to go to bed. I felt full of love, as I thought about how I enjoyed snuggling in my mother’s arms. I hadn’t felt this safe, so comforted in a long time. “I love this, just spending time at home, you and me……I mean it’s just us, but we’re family,” Meredith said amiably. “I know, it feels weird, but I can get used to this!” I laughed. Just then, my phone rang. I jolted up and saw that it was Allie calling. “Ooh, I need to answer this, Mom,” I said. “Not a problem, I’ll go up and get ready for bed,” Meredith replied. “Hello, Allie cat!” I spoke jubilantly into the receiver. “Hey Liv, did you make it back home safely?” “Yeah, I’m just lying on the living room couch right now. Mom and I just finished watching a movie,” I replied. “I’m glad you made it home. So……how does it feel? To finally be home?” she asked. I thought about that question. How would I answer it? Sure, I was already missing my best friend, and I knew she was missing me even more perhaps, but I was teeming with joy to finally be back home. I felt comforted that we could still talk whenever we wanted, and I held fast hope that we would see each other again one day, but at the end of this day, I was home with my mother, while her future was still in limbo in foster care. It didn’t seem fair, so I tempered my ecstatic feelings with my response. “It feels…..different. I mean, this is where I’m going to live my life. I’m happy to finally be home…..my….new home. But as happy as I feel to me home, I feel lonely because I’m not here with you and the girls,” I said. It wasn’t a total lie, really. I missed them dearly. “Awwww,” Allie said endearingly. “I miss you too…..so, what are you doing for the fourth tomorrow? Molly is taking us back out to the boardwalk tomorrow night to watch the fireworks out by the pier. I really wish you could see it with us!” “Yeah, I wish I could see it with you, too,” I replied. “We’re going to have a grill out at our house tomorrow. I guess it’s a Parker family tradition. Meredith said that Chris did the grilling, so I don’t know who’s going to do it with him gone. I guess I could give it a try!” Allie and I both laughed awkwardly. “I mean, I’m pretty excited. I’m going to meet a lot of my new family and friends tomorrow, we’re going to watch fireworks out over the lake……it should be fun,” I continued. “Yeah, I’m excited for you, Liv,” she replied. There was a bit of awkward silence over the line. I came to the realization of how different it was talking with Allie over the phone instead of talking to each other from bed to bed. I couldn’t see her face. I couldn’t tell if she was smiling on the other end of the line. “So have you ever operated a grill?” Allie jokingly replied, trying to ease the tension. We both laughed. Despite the tension, we talked for about another hour before we got tired and went off to bed. “I’m getting pretty tired, Liv, I think I’m going to head off to bed,” Allie said while giving out a breathy yawn. “Me too,” I said, yawning myself. “I’m glad we can still talk to each other even if we’re not here together. Goodnight Olivia,” she said. “Goodnight, Allie! Same time tomorrow night?” I replied. “I’m setting my alarm, girl,” she said as we both laughed. I hung up the phone and walked upstairs and got ready for bed for the night. I brushed my teeth, got into my pajamas and walked over to the bed. “You still awake, Mom?” I asked. Meredith looked up at me. “Yeah, why don’t you lay down and chat with me,” she said. We laid our heads on our pillows and reflected on the day. “You know, Olivia, I really enjoy having you as my daughter. I just wish I….” she trailed off. “You what?” I asked. “I…..kinda wish that, you being my daughter, that I could have raised you as a young child, as my baby girl,” she said. “Awww…..Mom, I’m still your girl, Mom. Plus, you’re going to have your own baby in a few months! I’m excited to be a big sister, plus it’s something we’ve both always wanted, right?” I said. Meredith smiled. “It’s everything I’ve always wanted, sweetie. This is turning out quite differently that I planned….that…we…planned, but all in all, I am very happy. Plus, you get a head start on life, right? You’re getting used to being a girl, how does that feel?” I hadn’t thought about it much, but while I enjoyed having a fresh start, the idea went through my head of how it would feel nice to have a fresh start all the way from the beginning, as a baby girl. I feel like I would have had a stronger bond with Meredith as my mother. Plus, I would at least have stories to tell about my early childhood, as opposed to making up stories to describe a childhood I never really had. In all honesty, I felt robbed of a childhood. While I was beginning to enjoy my life as a blossoming teenaged girl, I never got to enjoy growing up as a young child. Either way, I was grateful for what I had at that moment. Despite all of these thoughts racing through my head, I was very tired from the very eventful day, and I was struggling to stay awake. I looked forward to what would surely be another eventful day up ahead as I drifted to sleep. “Goodnight Olivia,” Meredith said as she kissed me on the forehead. “Goodnight, Mom,” I replied as I kissed her on the cheek.