The Lavender Butterfly

Chapter 40

The security guards escorted me back to the entrance through the same direction we came in. While we were walking down the hall, I was trying my best to temper my excitement regarding this recent turn of events, but it was turning out to be a challenge. When I woke up that morning, I felt devoid of hope. While I had enjoyed the time I’d spent at Molly’s, and I’d enjoyed the friendships I made while I was there, I had come to the realization that I would be there until I turned eighteen, and then I would be thrown into the real world, without an identity. Now I felt my fortunes had changed, and I had a chance to live a normal life. Now an entire world of new opportunities would open up to me, now that I had an actual identity. When I turn sixteen, I will be able to get a driver’s license, I’ll be able to get a job, I’ll be able to get a passport, among other things. I felt like it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I could finally go home and be back where I belonged. I owed my entire life to Mike, someone who I previously loathed. In a way, I felt like a fraud because my birth certificate was a forgery, but I didn’t seem to care. As long as nobody ever found out, I had everything I needed to get by. I was teeming with excitement as the security guards escorted me to the exit to Molly’s waiting car outside. One of the security guards opened the passenger side door for me. “Thank you!” I said to the guard. “You have a wonderful day,” the guard replied. The guard shut the door behind me. Molly turned to me and asked, “Well, what happened in ther—wait……why are you smiling?” I immediately stopped smiling. “I…..really can’t say,” I said. Molly frowned. “What? Oh, I take it this is some private government business. Some super-secret information of some sort,” she said. “Yeah….something like that….” I said. I felt like I couldn’t keep the secret any longer, but I had to listen to what Mike told me. He told me not to say anything to anyone until Susan reached out to Molly. Probably because he didn’t want to call out attention to the fact that he ordered the forged birth certificate. I certainly didn’t want to get him in trouble, with all he had done for me. “You’ll find out soon enough,” I said to Molly. Molly gave me a puzzled look. “Okay, now I really want to know what went on in there,” she said inquisitively. The rest of the car ride back to her house was enveloped in an awkward silence. When we arrived back to the house, we were greeted by Amaya at the door. “Where were you guys? You were gone for hours!” she said tiredly. “We weren’t gone for hours,” I thought to myself, but then I looked at the clock and saw that it was only five o’ clock. I didn’t think we had been gone that long. “So, what were you doing?” Amaya asked. “We were doing adult business, Amaya. You wouldn’t understand,” I replied. “What?! You aren’t even an adult! How could you be doing grownup business?” Amaya said confusedly. Molly walked in behind me. “Amaya, leave Olivia alone for right now. You’re asking too many questions. Besides, she won’t even answer my questions,” Molly said to Amaya. I felt that Molly might have been a little angry with me. I felt bad. I knew that we could trust each other, but I felt that me holding back might damage that trust. The only thing that made me feel better about it is that once Susan would talk to her, all would be forgotten. “Lauren, did you put that lasagna in the oven?” Molly called to the living room. “Yes, Molly, I put it in a few minutes ago. It should be ready in about fifty minutes,” Lauren replied. “Yummy, I love lasagna!” Amaya said, licking her lips. Much of the rest of the evening went pretty normally. We ate our lasagna together and watched a movie before we all got ready for bed. The movie was a welcome diversion, as it spared me having to converse with the girls about what happened at the airport. Honestly, I don’t even remember what the movie was about, as my mind was wandering pretty much all night. Once the movie was over, I quickly retreated into my room for the night, with nothing more than a “goodnight.” I lay there in my bed for several minutes, just staring at the ceiling, daydreaming. I was thinking about when I would see Meredith again. I felt that it had to be pretty soon. She would come and pick me up, adoption papers in hand, and we’d go to the airport and hop on a plane home together. This time around, we should actually be able to make it to the plane, and not be separated by security. We would reunite with Stella, Evan, and Chloe. I really wanted to see them again. It had been over a week since I had seen any of them. I missed them all, but I really wanted to see Evan again. I felt so safe and warm when I was with him, and I wanted that feeling again. I hoped that he felt the same way. I hoped that he hadn’t forgotten about me in the week or so that we had been apart. I smiled to myself as I envisioned in my mind the moment that Evan and I reunited. “Hey girl,” Allie said to me playfully as she walked in the bedroom door. “Hey,” I said to Allie, disconnectedly. Allie looked at me and studied me intently. “Olivia, is everything okay? You’ve been really quiet since you and Molly came back today,” she said to me. “Everything is fine,” I replied. Allie sat down on the bed next to me. “What happened earlier today? Where did you and Molly go?” she said. “I really can’t discuss it….I’ve been given strict orders to not talk about what happened today,” I replied. Allie gave me a puzzled look. “Come on, Olivia, we’re besties. We can tell each other everything!” she said enthusiastically, trying to get me to divulge. I smiled in response and chuckled, “You’re so cute, but I really can’t tell you, or anyone else for that matter.” Allie looked me in the eyes and gave me a serious look. “Look Olivia, we’re best friends. You can trust me with anything. If you want me to keep a secret, I won’t tell a soul. I can tell that you want to tell me,” she said. I relented and sat up next to her in bed. “You promise?” I said. “Promise,” she replied. I proceeded to tell her the whole story about the day. “So, Molly got a call for me from Susan, the social worker from the county, who said that Mike, this mean NSA agent at the airport wanted to talk to me. For what, I didn’t know. When I got there, he was actually nice to me. He handed me an envelope, and in the envelope, was my birth certificate,” I said. Allie’s face illuminated, “Oh my God, Olivia, I am so happy for you!” she said vociferously. “Shh!” I replied. “Oh, sorry Olivia,” she whispered. “Anyway,” I continued, “the birth certificate said I was born in Michigan, to Steven and Laura Foster. The reason I never remember them is that both died in a car accident when I was less than one year old. Since then, I have just been bouncing from foster home to foster home,” I said. “That’s really sad……but I guess you and Amaya have something in common to talk about. How did he find it, then?” she said. “I guess he just found a lead somewhere up in Michigan. He saw the name Foster come up in death certificates related to a fatal car crash, and saw that they had a one-year-old daughter,” I replied casually. I felt bad being dishonest with my best friend, but there was no way I could tell anyone the truth, other than Meredith. “But still, aren’t you excited to go home again, I mean when Meredith adopts you?” she replied. I gave Allie a big smile and started shaking with excitement. Allie embraced me, both of us teeming with jubilation. “I’m so happy for you, Olivia!!!” she exclaimed. It truly hit me at that moment, that at some point very soon, I would be going home where I belonged. All loose ends would be tied up and I could go on and live the life I had sought after. To say that I was excited would be an understatement. Ecstatic, joyful, exhilarated were words that couldn’t even begin to explain how I was feeling. “You’re gonna be with your Mommy,” Allie said to me playfully while pinching my cheek. I laughed. “I know we’re excited, but I’ve had a tiring day, we should probably get to bed,” I said. “Yeah, you’re right,” she replied, grabbing her toothbrush and toothpaste and heading to the bathroom. I gathered my bathrobe and went to take a shower. The hot water on my face eased my drained mind and body from the emotional roller coaster that the day had brought. As I massaged the shampoo into my scalp, I began to think that while I was going to be so happy rejoining Meredith and my friends back home, I also thought about how much I would miss my new friends. I would miss Lauren’s advice and stories about her past boyfriends. I would miss Amaya’s unbridled enthusiasm for well, everything. I would miss Molly, as she was a true role model of kindness and generosity. She opened her home to us girls who didn’t have a home or a family and provided us some hope in a world where there was none. Most of all, I would miss Allie. Allie was not only my roommate, but she was my best friend. I don’t know how I would have got through any of this without her. With all our late-night talks where we would share everything with each other, telling each other stories while we brushed each other’s hair and did each other’s nails, and just providing hugs and support whenever either one of us needed it, I was having a hard time imagining life without her. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a bathrobe and towel and walked to the bathroom sink to brush my teeth. After I put my toothbrush away, I began to brush my hair in the mirror. As I was brushing my hair, I noticed the reflection of Allie crying in her bed. I turned around and walked over to her. “What’s wrong, Allie?” I said to her tenderly. “Nothing, I’m okay,” she said, sobbing. I sighed. “Allie, I know you’re not okay. I’m……not okay, either.” Allie sniffled and looked at me in surprise. “You’re going home to be reunited with Meredith, your adoptive mother. Of course, you’re okay! Meanwhile, I have to stay here,” she said somberly. I put my hand on her shoulder. “I am happy that I’m going to be reunited with her, but I broke down in tears in the shower just now, realizing how much I was going to miss you, Allie,” I confided in her. “Olivia….it just kills me that soon enough, I will wake up in the morning and not see your face smiling at me. I will tell stories to Lauren and Amaya, and you won’t be there to laugh my stories,” she said to me, breaking down in tears once again. I wrapped my arms around her and comforted her and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Allie, I wish I could take you with me. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve grown so close to you that I can’t even imagine my life without you. I don’t ever want to leave you,” I said, starting to tear up myself. Allie sniffled, as she said, “Then don’t.” “What?” I exclaimed. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t ever leave me. Let’s stay together forever, just you and me,” she continued. “Allie…” I said, wrapping my arms around her, hugging her affectionately. Allie pulled away and gazed into my eyes as she gently brushed her hand on my cheek. I absolutely melted. While I knew that we would have to go our own separate ways, being close to her made it even harder. Then she leaned in and gave me a tender kiss on the lips. I was shocked, but I didn’t fight it. She then brushed her hands through my hair passionately as she proceeded to open her mouth and lock her tongue with mine. She then gently pushed down on my shoulders as we started to make out. I went with it momentarily, but then I froze. I found myself very confused. I started to question my own sexuality. I liked girls. I was attracted to them. I fell in love with one. I even married one. Yet in the heat of the moment, I just didn’t feel the same attraction that I used to with women. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked Allie. I don’t think I’d bore my soul to anyone like her, excluding Meredith of course. She was also probably one of the most beautiful girls I had laid my eyes on, next to Meredith, of course. With her long flowing blonde hair, her glowing green eyes, and the braces in her smile, which I found very cute, she was truly a vision of beauty. That being said, I didn’t feel the passion with Allie that I felt when I was with Evan. When I became a girl, I think that something changed in me. I wanted different things than I did before. It took me a couple of experiences with both a boy and a girl, but I came to the understanding that I just wasn’t into girls that way anymore. At that moment, I longed for Evan even more. Allie backed off from me and sat up. “Oh my God……Allie….I’m so sorry,” she said embarrassingly. “I’m sorry, too,” I replied. “I just feel really confused, I’ve never been with a girl before, and…” she interrupted me and said, “Olivia, I’m sorry I didn’t tell this to you earlier, but I’m……into girls. It’s just…. when I met you I had the biggest crush on you. I mean, you didn’t know it, but I bonded with you like nobody I have before. Olivia, I love you…..and I want to be with you. I just didn’t mean to deceive you,” she said heartfully. There were several seconds of silence before I said anything. I thought the silence was going to tear her apart. I just didn’t know what to say to her. I loved her too, but I’m pretty sure not in the same way. “Allie, I love you too, I’m just…” Allie completed my sentence, “not into girls. Olivia, I’m so sorry. If you don’t want to see me ever again, I completely understand. I just want to make sure that I didn’t mess things up between us…” I gave her a warm hug. “Allie, you didn’t mess things up between us. And I’m not upset with you at all. You’re my best friend, and I want us to be best friends…..forever,” I said to her. Allie looked away from me and started to cry profusely. “That’s why they kicked me out,” she said. “What? Why who kicked you out?” I replied. “My parents,” she said. “I was stupid and naïve enough to think I could come out to them and think they would be open minded to me. They took me to church every day to speak with a so-called religious advisor that wanted to rescue me from a sure path to hell, in their words. They tried to beat the fear of God into my head to try and convince me that I was straight, and it was God’s will for me to find a man, get married and bear children. I rebelled. My parents didn’t want to have anything to do with me after that. They flat out told me that I was no longer welcome in their home, and they told me to leave. I had nowhere to go, so I ended up here,” she said, tears streaming down her face. I embraced her again. I felt so terrible for her. “Allie, I’m so sorry. What your parents did was disgraceful, and you don’t deserve any of it. And from the looks of it, they don’t deserve a wonderful girl like you,” I said. Allie looked back at me, sniffling while she showed a hint of a smile. “Thanks, Olivia,” she said to me softly. I held both of her hands firmly. “You’re welcome, Allie. I just want you to know that I will always be in your corner. You’re my best friend, and nothing can ever change that. I don’t care how many people kick you to the curb just for being who you really are. You’re genuine. You’re……Allie. And no matter what, I will always support you,” I said to her reassuringly. “Thank you, Olivia. You’re the best friend I could possibly ask for. But seriously, you don’t want to be my girlfriend? We would be the world’s cutest couple!” she said with a cute smile on her face as we both laughed. “We sure would,” I said. We laid together as I comforted her. She fell asleep in my arms in a few minutes. I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling and thought that if this was my last night in this house, I was really going to miss her. I was dreading the thought of having to say goodbye to her.