WITHOUT YOU ||Vmin ff

CHAPTER 11

We got to the orphanage just about the time it was getting dark. We were a couple minutes early, and the director was on phone. It's an important call and he couldn't meet us right away, so we made ourselves comfortable.

"You did really well today," he said. "With your steps, i mean."

"Thanks," i said, feeling proud and dejected at exactly the same time. " I still haven't learned my beats, though," i offered. There was no way we could practice those in his house, and I hoped he wasn't going to suggest it.

"You will. They're easy once you know all steps."

"I hope so."
Jimin smiled, and after a moment he changed the subject sort of throwing me off track. "Do you ever think about the future, Taehyung?" He asked.

I was startled by his question because it sounded. . .  So ordinary

"Yeah, sure. I guess so," i answered cautiously.
"Well, what do you want to do with your life?"
I shrugged, a little wary of where he was going with this. " I don't know yet. I haven't figured that part out. I'm going to university next fall, at least i hope so I have to get accepted first.
"You will," he said
"How do you know?"
" Because I know" he said.

When he said it, i thought we were heading into discussion about the power and faith, but jimin tossed yet another curveball at me.

" How about after the college? What do you want to do then?"
" I don't know," i said shrugging. "Maybe I'll be a wrestler."
He didn't think it was funny

" I think you should become a minister," he said seriously. "I think you're good with people, they'd respect what you have to say."

" I knew that he was joking"
Though the concept was absolutely ridiculous, with him i just knew it come from the heart and he intended it as a compliment.
" Thanks," i said. "I don't know if I'll do that, but I am sure i'll find something." I took a moment for me to realize that the conversation had stalled and that it was my turn to ask a question.
     "How about you? What do you want to do in the future?"

Jimin turned away and got a far- off gaze in his eyes, making me wonder what he was thinking, but it vanished almost as quickly as it come.

" I want to get married," he said quietly. " he said.
"That's all?" Though i wasn't averse to the idea of marriage, it seemed kind of silly to hope for that as your life's goal.

"Yes," he said. "That's all I want."
The way he answered made me suspect. I tried to make him feel better, even though it still seemed silly to me.

"Well, you'll get married someday. You'll meet someone and the two of you will hit it off, and he or she will ask you to marry him or her. And I'm sure that your father will be happy.

Jimin thought carefully about my answer, really pondering the way I said it, though i didn't know why.

  "I hope so," he said finally.
I could tell he didn't want to talk about it anymore, don't ask me how, so I moved on to something new.

"So how long have you been coming to the orphanage?" I asked conversationally.

"Seven years now. I was ten years old when my mom passed away the first time I came. I was younger than a lot of kids here."

"Do you enjoy it, or does it make you sad?"
" Both. Some of the children here came from really horrible situations. It's enough to break your heart when you hear about it.
He practically glowed when he spoke. Though exactly the way i felt. It was one of the reason it was so hard to put up with him, but by then I was getting fairly used to it. He could twist you everyway but normal, I'd come to learn.

At that moment, Mr. Kang opened the door and invited us in. The office looked  almost like a hospital room, with black and white tiled floors, white wall and ceiling, a metal cabinet against the wall. Where the bed would normally have been, there was a metal desk that looked like it has been stamped off the assembly line.

   Jimin introduced me, and i shook Mr. Kang hand. After we sat down, jimin didn't most of the talking. Jimin knew him since he was ten years old.

"I don't think we can do it" he said.
"Why not?" Jimin asked, his brow furrowed. He seemed genuinely perplexed by lack of his enthusiasm.

"Even though it's a wonderful offer and I know you'd like to do something special, at Same time we can't do it because we are taking children on vacation this Christmas" he said.

I and jimin made O face at same time.
He thanked us anyway and chatted for a while about what he planned to do instead. "You are welcome to visit Christmas eve. . . He told us.

     After we said our good byes , jimin and I walked in silence without saying anything. I could tell he was sad. The more I hung around jimin, the more I realised he had lots of different emotions he wasn't always cheerful and happy. Believe it or not that was the first time I recognised that in some ways he was just like the rest of us.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out," I said softly.
"I am, too."

He was quite for a long time, i looked at him seeing jimin feeling bad was almost worse than feeling bad because of him. Unlike jimin, i deserved to feel bad about myself  I knew what kind of person I was. But with him. . .
While we're here, do you want to stop in to see the kids?" I asked into the silence. It was only thing I could think to do that might make him feel better. " I could wait out here while you talk to them, or go to the car if you want."

" Would you visit them with me?" He asked suddenly.
To be honest, i wasn't sure i could handle it, but I knew he really wanted me there. And he was feeling so down that the words come out automatically.
" Sure, I'll go "
" They'll be in the rec room now. That's where they usually are at this time," he said.
We walked down the corridors to the end of the hall, where two doors opened into a good sized room. The kids were sitting in the chairs, crowed around it, and you could tell that only the one in front row had a good view of things.
I glanced around. In the corner was a old ping-pong table. The surface was cracked and dusty, the net nowhere to be seen. Along the wall next to the ping-pong table were a set of shelves, with a few toys here and there blocks and puzzle, a couple of games. There weren't too many, and the few that were there looked as if they'd been in this room for a long time. Along the near walls were small individual desks piled with newspapers, scribbled on with crayons.

We stood in the doorway for just a second. We hadn't been noticed yet, and I asked what the newspaper were for.
"They don't have colouring book," he whispered, "so they use newspaper." He didn't look at me as he spoke instead his attention was directed at the kids. He'd begun to smile again.  "Are these all the toys they have?" I asked.
He nodded. " Yes, except for the stuffed toys they have?"

Jimin and i finally walked into the room, and one of the kids turned around at the sound of steps. He was about eight or so, with red hair and freckles, his two front teeth missing.
   "Jimin!" He shouted happily when he saw him, and all of a sudden all other heads turned. The kids ranged in age  from about five to twelve, more boys than girls. After twelve they had to be sent to live, i later learned.

"Hey, Roger," jimin said in response, "how are you?"
  With that Roger and some of the others begun to crowd around us. A few of other kids ignored us moved closer to television now that there were free seats in front row. Jimin introduced me to one of the others kids who'd come up and asked if I was his boyfriend.
"He's just a friend," he said. "But he's very nice."
Over the next hour, we visited with the children.
I got a lot of questions about where i lived and whether my house was big or what kind of car i owned, and when we finally had to leave, jimin promised that he'd be  back soon. I noticed that he didn't promise i would be with him.

While we were walking back to the car, I said, "they're a nice bunch of kids." I shrugged awkwardly. Then i dropped jimin at his house.