WITHOUT YOU ||Vmin ff

CHAPTER 13

The next night, as I was walking him home, he asked me about my father.

"He's all right, i reckon," i said. "But he's not around much."

"Do you miss that? Not growing up with him around?"

" Sometimes"
" I miss my mom, too," he said," even though I never even knew her."
It was the first time I'd ever considered that jimin and i might have something in common. I let that sink in  for a while.
"It must be hard for you," I said sincerely. "Even though my father's a stranger to me, at least he's still around."

He looked up at me as we walked, then faced forward again. He tugged gently at his hair again. I was beginning to notice that he did this whenever he  was nervous or wasn't sure what to say.
"It is, sometimes. Don't get me wrong i love my father with all my heart but there are times when I wonder what it would have been like to have a mother around. I think she and i would have been able to talk about things in a way that my father and i can't."
   I assumed he was talking about girls. It wasn't until later that i learnt how wrong I was.
"What's it like, living with your father? Is he like short temper."
" No. He's actually got a pretty good sense of humor."
" Jihyun?" I blurted out. I couldn't even imagine it.

I think he was shocked to hear me call him by his first name, but he let me off the hook and didn't respond to my comment. Instead he said, "don't look so surprised. You'll like him, once you get to know him."
"I doubt if I'll ever get to know him."
"You never know, Taehyung," he said, smiling, " what will happen."
I hated when he said things like that. And you never knew that the "big guy upstairs" had told him. He might even have a direct ticket into heaven, if you know what I mean, being as how good a person he was
"How would I get to know him?" I asked.
He didn't answer, but he smiled to himself, as if he knew some secret that he was keeping from me. Like I said, I hated it when he did that.

The next night we talked about his book.
"Why do you always carry it with you?" I asked.
Now , i assumed he carried this specific book around.
He walked a few steps before answering.
"It was my mother's," he said simply.
"Oh. . . ." I said it like I'd stepped on someone's per turtle, squashing it under my shoe.
He looked at me. "It's okay, Taehyung. How could you have known?"
"I'm sorry I asked. . . ."
"Don't be. You didn't mean anything by it." He paused. "my mother read it all the time."

" She loved to read it at night, before
She went to sleep, and she had it with her in hospital when I was born. When my father found out that she had died, he carried the book and me out of the hospital at the same time."
" I'm sorry," I said again. Whenever someone tell you something sad, it's the only thing you can think to say, even if you've already said it before.
"It just gave me a way to . . . . to be a part of her. Can you understand that?" He was not saying it sadly, just more to let me know the answer to my question. Somehow that made it worse.

After he told me the story, i thought of him growing up with his father again, and i didn't really know what to say. As I was thinking about my answer, though, I heard a car blare it's horn from behind us, and both jimin and i turned around at the same time as we heard it pulling over to side.
Jungkook and yoongi were in the car, Jungkook on the driver's seat, yoongi on the side.

"Well look who we have aere," Jungkook said as he leaned over the steering wheel so that I could see his face. I hadn't told him I'd been walking jimin home, and in the curious way that teenage minds work, this new development took priority over anything that I was feeling about jimin's story.

"Hello, Jungkook. Hello, yoongi," jimin said cheerfully.
"Walking him home, Taehyung?" I could see the little devil behind Jungkook's smile.

"Hey, Jungkook," I said, wishing he's never seen me.
"It's a beautiful night for strolling, isn't it?" Jungkook said. I think that because yoongi was between him and jimin, he felt a little bolder that he usually was in jimin's presence. And there was no way he could let this opportunity pass without sticking it to me.

Jimin looked around and smiled "yes it is."
Jungkook looked around,too, withthis wistful look in his eyes before taking a deep breath. I could tell he was faking it. "Boy, it really is nice out there " he sighed and glanced towards us as he shrugged. I'd offer you a ride, but it wouldn't be half as nice as actually walking under the stars, and i wouldn't want you two to miss it." He said this like he was doing us botha favor.
"Oh, we're almost to my house anyway," jimin said. I was going to offer Taehyung a cup of cider. Would you like to meet us there? We have plenty."

A cup of cider? At his house? He hadn't mentioned that. . .
I put my hands in my pocket, wondering if this could get any worse.
" Oh no . . . that's all right. We were just heading off somewhere."
We should probably be going. Enjoy you cider, you too."

Once they'd pulled out of sight, jimin turned to me and smiled.
"You have nice friends, Taehyung."
"Sure i do" notice the careful way i phrased my answer.
After dropping jimin off no, i didn't stay for any cider i started back to my house, grumbling the whole time. By then jimin's story had left me completely, and i could practically hear my friends laughing about me,
See what happens when you're a nice guy?

By the next morning everyone at school knew I was walking jimin home, and this started up a new round of speculation about two of us. This time it was even  worse than before. It was so bad that I had to spend my lunch break in the library just to get away from it all.

I ran through my steps  without even thinking about them, and miss lee didn't say the word marvelous all night long. She had that concerned look in her eyes afterwards, but jimin simply smiled and told her not to worry, that everything was going to all right. I knew jimin was just trying to make things better for me, but when he asked me to walk him home, I told him no. But miss lee had overheard jimin's request and she said, very firmly, that I'd be glad to do it.
So once more I ended up walking jimin home, but he could tell i wasn't really in the mood to talk because I walked a little bit in front of him, my hands in my pocket, without even really turning back to see whether he was following. It went this way for the first few minutes, and i hadn't said a word to him.

"You're not in a very good mood, are you?" He finally asked. "You didn't even try tonight."
"You don't miss a thing, do you?" I said sarcastically without looking at him.
" Maybe i can help," he offered. He said it kind of happily, which made me even  a little angrier.
"I doubt it," i snapped.
"Maybe if you told me what was wrong"
I didn't let him finish.
"Look," I said stopping, turning to face him. " I just spent all day hauling crap, i haven't eaten since lunch, and now I have to trek a mile out of my way to make sure you get home, when we both know you don't even need me to do it."

It was the first time I'd ever raised my voice to him. To tell you the truth, it felt kind of good. It had been building up for a long time. Jimin was too surprised to respond, and I went on.
" And the only reason I'm doing this is because of you." This whole thing is dumb, and i wish I had never agreed to do it."
"You're just saying this because you're nervous about the___"

I cut him off with a Shake of my head. Once I got on a roll, it was sometimes hard for me to stop. I could take his optimism and cheerfulness only so long, and today wasn't the day to push me too far.
"Don't you get it?" I said, exasperated. "I'm not nervous about the dance, i just don't want to be here. I don't want to walk you home, i don't want my friend to keep talking about me, and i don't want to spend time with you. You keep acting like we're friends, but we're not. We're not anything. I just want the whole thing to over  so I can go back to my normal life."

He looked hurt by my outburst, and to be honest, i couldn't blame him.

" I see," was all he said. I waited for him to raise his voice at me, to defend himself, to make his case again, but he didn't. All he said was looking towards the ground. I think part of his wanted to cry, but he didn't, and i finally stalked away, leaving him standing by himself. A moment later, though I heard him Start moving, too. He was about five yards behind me and the rest of the way to his house, and he didn't try to talk to me again until he  stared up the walkway. I was already moving down the sidewalk when I heard his voice.

"Thank you walking me home, Taehyung," he called out.
I winced as soon as he said it. Even when I was mean to his face and said most spiteful things, he could find some reason to thank me. He was just that kind of boy, and I think i actually hated him for it.
      Or rather, i think, i hated myself.