hiraeth | c.g. |

iii

Throughout his life, Carl Grimes often heard how he was a spitting image of his father. He had always chalked it up to his bright blue eyes, the same icy gaze held by his father as he led, whether as a small county cop or as the leader of a community. Sometimes, even he could understand it. He could hear it when he spoke, how certain words held a drawl that took him back to listening to his father. He could see it when, in meetings, his head tilted to the side and he saw the memories of Rick Grimes flash in Gabriel and Michonne's eyes. He could feel it when he held the wellbeing of Alexandria in the palm of his hand. But it was always the eyes.

During the early years of the apocalypse, there had been a time where he wished to have had the dark eyes of his mother as a way to commemorate her after her death. When they had lost the prison, he had seen the weakness his father displayed and had wished for his eyes to match the brave mother he lost, not the assumed coward he stood with. However, all those thoughts of shame and cowardice that he had placed upon his father had forced him to feel a different shame when Rick Grimes was the epicenter of an explosion six years ago.

That night haunted Carl Grimes' dreams and was what almost made the young man look even more like his father, he realized, as he stared into the mirror before him.

In the early hours of the morning, Alexandria was quiet, but Carl's mind ran rampant. He stood still in front of the mirror of his room, willing himself to put on the mask of Rick Grimes as he did every morning. He had to, he thought. He was the Head of the Council, his title given as he had proved himself throughout his years as he grew up, leading Alexandria and Solaris against the Saviors. However, he also knew that he was a placeholder for who the people wished he truly was: Rick Grimes.

While he could never be his father, Carl felt satisfied with what he had been able to do in the three years of his leadership. It was as Head of Council, as he led Alexandria with Michonne and Gabriel by his side, with other members of the Council, that they were able to secure Alexandria for years.

"You look just like him."

Carl didn't move as he heard his door swing open, Michonne leaning against the door frame. And she was right, Carl thought. With his cold gaze, dark hair kissing the bottoms of his ears, the button-up shirt rolled to his elbows, the sword hanging from his hip from a tactical belt and the infamous Colt Python on the opposite side— he looked just like Rick Grimes.

"Something's missing though," Michonne smiled softly, making her way towards him. She brought her hand to his face before pushing back his hair, allowing for the white bandage over his right eye to be displayed. "There's the Carl I know."

Michonne Grimes had quickly become one of the main pillars of Carl's life. She was his best friend since the prison and that hadn't changed. However, maybe it had as she had become his mother so to speak. In a way, she had always been such since she found her way into the Grimes family. Along with that, she was the mother to his sister and brother, and that meant more to him than blood.

"I thought you had already gone," Carl spoke after a moment, knowing Michonne was going on a quick run while Carl led the hunting group that would be leaving soon. Michonne nodded, making her way over to his bed before seating herself on it. "I wanted to make sure Judith's sword was sharpened before you left," she began before she tilted her head. "And I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

Carl clenched his jaw, looking at Michonne through the reflection of the mirror. "You heard?" Michonne nodded. "I was looking over some defenses when I heard you leave. You were out there practicing with your sword for a while." Carl nodded softly. "It's just that time of the year. The nightmares will be gone in no time."

Michonne pursed her lips as he turned to face her, the woman standing up. "Well, if you need a break, Gabriel can take over the Council–" Carl shook his head. "I'm good, Mom. I promise."