hiraeth | c.g. |

xvi

"Please don't go, Jo. I want you here. You belong here."

It had been a restless night as Clary let out a harsh breath, sitting up only to rest her head in her hands. Every time her eyes shut she could only see the tearful eyes of Judith as she had tucked her into bed. Walking away had been one of the hardest things to do and she knew that doing so in the morning would be even harder.

Now Clary rested on the couch of the Rhee home, her loneliness quelled as Bear moved to rest again her leg as he laid on the floor by the couch. Clary had thought to go upstairs but she had been unable to sleep in what had once been her bed. How could she? The bed had belonged to a child, someone much younger than herself. Even then, Clary couldn't bring herself to walk past the bedroom that had once housed the two she had seen as parents.

After their embrace, Carl had unlocked the home, giving the key to her. He told her how nothing had been touched, everything staying the same as it had been the last time she had stepped foot inside. He had left with a simple goodnight, but Clary knew that it was anything but. It wasn't simple because she had to face something she hated to face.

Her past.

The young woman had fought with herself to leave Alexandria in the middle of the night. She had hid from her duties as Commander for too long— obsessing with the past and the future that came because of the skins. However, she couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Judith— she couldn't break her heart any more.

That morning came into view as the night sky turned milky with yellow sunlight, signifying to Clary that she had not slept for a moment. However, that thought didn't weigh on her mind as frantic knocks sounded at her door, causing her to shoot up. Bear did so as well, a harsh bark sounding as he looked to the door. She wondered if maybe she had imagined them, only until they sounded once more, forcing her and Bear from the couch and towards the door.

As she swung it open, she was surprised to see Carl stood in front of her. He looked distraught, his eye wide as he breathed heavily. She could tell he had just woken up or immediately ran out of bed, the sweatpants and t-shirt he wore highly contrasting against her jeans and long-sleeve top.

"Carl? What—" the young man cut her off. "Have you seen Judith?" Clary's brows furrowed before she shook her head. "Not since last night," Clary began before a cold weight fell upon her. "Where is she?"

Carl didn't hesitate to move past her, Clary watching as he looked around, surprised as he looked through her bag. Shutting the door, Clady made her way over to him. "What are you—" the young man looked to her with urgency in his eye. "Call her."

Clary didn't know what his words meant. "I don't—" Carl shook his head. "I know you have a walkie. Call her, please." Clary nodded softly as she realized what he meant.

Grabbing the walkie from her belt before putting it on the channel the two used, Clary pressed the button. "Avis? Come in, Avis, it's Ursa." Clary looked to Carl as they awaited a response, the young man unable to tear his gaze from the walkie.

The silence was deafening, Carl cursing under his breath as they heard nothing. "Did she take it with her?" Clary questioned before Carl nodded his head. "The box she keeps it in was empty. She wouldn't let anyone touch it."

Clary tried to reach her again but, to no avail, the young girl didn't answer. Placing the walkie back on her belt, Clary grabbed her bag and clipped her sheathed sword to her belt. "Come on," Clary spoke as she made her way to the door. "We can get Bear to track her."

Hearing nothing behind her, Clary looked back to see Carl gripping the island counter tightly, his breathing ragged. Immediately, Clary made her way over to him, his eye on the floor. "Carl—" the young man cut her off. "What if it's like Jocelyn again? Or what if she's out there and the Whisperers—"